Page 39 of The Sword and the Damsel
“Thenwhat?”
There was a long silence. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists in some inner struggle. She tried to be patient. She tried to understand, but with each passing second, she was more convinced that somehow, she had failed him. He was ashamed of her, or disappointed. She’d let him down, and she didn’t know how.
“I’m not the man you wanted, and I don’t want a pity fuck, Alais. I can’t do it. Not with you.”
Oh.She took a deep breath and another. She didn’t begin to know how to argue with him. If marrying him didn’t convince him, she didn’t know what she could possibly say that would help him see the truth.
“I don’t pity you, and I don’t regret marrying you. Iwantedto marry you. I’ve never met anyone so brave and honorable. Didn’t you see me wearing your token at the tournament? Why do you think I did that? Everyone else treats me as a pretty, brainless fool. But you see the real me. You respect me. You see me as more than a pleasing face. And Iwantto give myself to you.”
“It was my duty to guard and protect you then, and it remains my duty now. Believe me, I know you’re so much more than a pleasing face. But I also know I’m not the husband you dreamed of. If not for my cousin’s lies, you could have had your pick of eligible men. You could have had someone whole and undamaged.”
She couldn’t let that stand. “You are whole and undamaged in every way that matters. You see more in me than my appearance. Why is it so unthinkable that I would see more in you? I know I was unspeakably cruel to you the first time we met, but I’ve learned the error of my ways. You’ve been my champion without asking anything in return. Let me show you how much that means to me.”
Still, he shook his head. “It would be dishonorable for me to take advantage when you were forced by circumstance into this marriage.”
She’d never seen him look so miserable.
There had to be something she could do, some way to move past his overblown sense of duty and chivalry. She’d bared her heart, and he still didn’t believe her. The situation would be funny if she wasn’t so desperate. She stood up and started pacing again. “You’re worried about honor? Then why won’t you take me? If there’s no blood on these sheets in the morning, they’llall think Sir Robert’s stories were true. Victor, I’m begging you. Please.”
She climbed on the bed and waited. He still didn’t join her.
“Even begging isn’t enough?” She thought in desperation of one last thing she could try. It was a risk, but she was prepared to do anything to bring him to her. “Let me prove to you that I’m not cut out for a life of celibacy.”
She couldn’t believe what she was about to do, but it was the only thing she could think of to lure him to her. She’d been so careful never to let anyone catch her. She knew it was wicked, knew that what she was about to do would prove that she was exactly the wanton that everyone thought she was, even if a man had never touched her. But she also knew he was a man who visited Birdie Street, a man who might respond to a provocative act. It just might work to overcome his resistance. She reached her hand between her legs and began to stroke herself.
“I may be a virgin, but I have a very bad habit, Victor.” She gasped in anguished pleasure. The knowledge that he was there, that he was watching her do this forbidden thing made the pleasure and shame so much sharper. “Nowdo you believe I’m not cut out for life at the abbey?” She moaned as the sensation intensified.
“Holy Mother of God,” he whispered. “This can’t be happening.”
“I want you to touch me. I want you to take me. I’m yours to have and to hold. Be with me, Victor,” she purred as waves of sensation shook her.
At last, he undressed and stepped toward her, lowering himself to the mattress beside her. She could smell his musk of leather and wood smoke.
“Please, I’m begging you.”
He pulled back, taking her hand away, and looked at her, serious and wary.
“You want me?” His voice was rough, hoarse with emotion.
“Yes, I want you.”
“Because I won’t take you if you have any doubts.”
She raised her hand and cupped his cheek. “Do you know whose face I was picturing as I touched myself?”
“Alais, please don’t—”
“Yours. I wantyou.”
He took a shuddering breath as he hovered above her. “Before we do this, I want to be absolutely clear. Do you want me as your husband, or did you marry me to solve a problem? Because I thought this was a marriage of convenience. Or maybe desperation. You needed my name, and I’ve given it to you. But are you saying you want to be with me, that you truly want to be my wife?”
She stared in disbelief. “Iamyour wife.”
“Alais—” he began but then closed his mouth at the look she gave him.
“Do I strike you as unwilling, hesitant? I’m lying naked beneath you, begging you to take me. Why are you humiliating me like this?” She was shaking with fury and overwhelming desire.
“Alais, I’m sorry. I truly didn’t expect this.” He caressed her cheek. “If you want me, I’m yours.”
