Page 38 of The Sword and the Damsel
There was no wedding banquet, only a family dinner. She kept glancing at her new husband, looking for some sign of affection or the passion she had tasted so briefly when they’d kissed the day before. She even reached out during dessert and put her hand on his thigh beneath the tablecloth. He stiffened and reddened at her touch, gently removing her hand without looking at her. She risked another glance. He looked pained. Perhaps he was worried her family might see. She could be patient, within reason.
At long last, they were alone together. A large canopy bed dominated the modest room where they were to spend their first night together, just down the hall from her own. Alais turned to look at the man who was now her husband, giddy with anticipation of what was to come. But his jaw was clenched. He averted his eyes, refusing to meet her gaze.
“Don’t worry, Lady Alais,” he said to the floor. “I won’t trouble you tonight.”
“Call me Alais. We’re married. What do you mean you won’t trouble me?”
“You married me to salvage your reputation. It’s safe now. I’ve served my purpose. I don’t expect you to take things any further.”
“But—”
“I’ll sleep on the floor. If you don’t mind, I’d like to go to sleep. It’s been a long day, and I’m tired. I’m sure you are too.”
He pulled some blankets and pillows to the floor, stripped down to his breeches, lay down, and closed his eyes, all without looking at her. She stood still, watching him, unable to wrap her head around what was happening, or rather whatwasn’thappening. Her mother had been quite clear on what was expected. So had Carenza. And most of all, she wanted him so much. How could he simply refuse?
She took off her dress in plain sight, hoping he might watch, but he didn’t. She climbed into bed wearing nothing but her shift, and he lay on the floor with his eyes firmly shut. She blew out the candle and stared into the dark, wondering what she could possibly do now. Sleep would not come. She was too aware of his presence, of every minute human sound, of the possibility that he could come to her, and the undeniable fact that he had not.
An hour passed, and Alais could hear Victor’s deep, regular breathing. At leasthewas sleeping soundly. She was still staring at the ceiling in the dark. It was intolerable. This could not continue. So she got up, pulled off her shift, and silently laid herself down, naked, by his side. She leaned over him and brushed his lips with her own. He gave a start.
“Lady Alais, what are you doing?” he mumbled.
“Just Alais. We have to consummate the marriage,” she said quietly. “If we don’t, it’s not legal.”
She twined herself around him, the rough fabric of his breeches grazing against her inner thigh and the heat of his chest against her bare breasts. She nuzzled his neck.
“Oh my God, you’re naked,” he gasped, his whole body tensing.
“Isn’t that usually how this works?” She touched her lips to his and ran her fingers through his hair, and she felt a rush of relief as he kissed her back. His lips touched hers with a tenderness and reverence that stirred her to her core. She let herself dissolve into his kiss, surrendering to the moment. Yes, this was what she’d dreamed of. At last, she was free to unleash her passion.
“Oh, sweet Jesus,” he rasped, trying to pull away after a moment, but she leaned in for another kiss, this one hungrier, more desperate. His hands explored her shape and pulled her to him, caressing each curve. She felt heavenly as he awakenedher body with his touch. She moved to close the tiny gaps that remained between them, her fingers digging into his back in hunger.
“Wait. Lady Alais, wait,” he said pulling away, panting. “You married me out of necessity. It wouldn’t be honorable for me to force myself on you under the circumstances. You don’t have to do this.”
Alais stared at him in the dark. He must be joking. Was she not making it clear that she wanted to do this? She pulled him into another kiss, determined to put an end to doubt, but he pulled back again.
“My good name is yours. I don’t expect anything in return. I won’t take advantage of you when you’ve already been through so much.”
“But I married you.” She made vows. So did he. Was he having second thoughts? “You don’t want me?”
“Of course, I want you. Dear God, I want you so much.”
“Then take me.” She placed one of his hands on her breast, and he groaned as she leaned into him, welcoming his touch. His hand felt so good against her bare skin, she reached out to pull the other one toward her.
“No, I can’t,” he pleaded quietly, removing his hand, leaving her panting in desperation.
“Why?”
“Lady Alais, please don’t.” He extracted himself from her embrace and sat up, his back to her.
How could he do this to her? He wanted her as much as she wanted him, she was sure of it. She had felt him spring to life beneath his breeches, and his body, hot and hard pressed against her thigh before he pulled away. She knew what it meant. While she’d never seen a naked man, she understood the mechanics. If he wanted her, what was the problem?
How dare he pretend this was about what she wanted when she was throwing herself at him. It was insulting, humiliating.
In a fury, she got up, lit a candle, and started pacing. He turned his face away, as if he couldn’t stand to see her nakedness. “How do you think this ends,Sir Victor? Imagine we decide not to consummate this marriage. How is that any better for me than living in an abbey? I don’t want to spend my life alone, untouched. Believe me when I tell you I am not cut out to live like a nun.” She shuddered. “Why won’t you consummate this marriage? What is it you are so afraid of?” She dropped to her knees so that she could look him in the face. He looked hard, determined, as if bracing himself for extreme pain. And then a realization hit her.
“Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. You believe Sir Robert, don’t you? You think I’m compromised, and you’re ashamed to be married to me.” It all made sense now. And here she’d been so certain he was the one person who believed her without proof. She’d clung to it. The fact that he knew she’d kept her virtue had made all the rest bearable. Except that now he doubted her. He wasashamedof her. Tears stung her eyes, and she dashed them away with her fist.
“Of course not.” His eyes met hers at long last. “I knew it was a lie. And even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t care.”
