Page 93 of Another Lucky Number

I spear an olive and chew on it while I think this through. ‘What’s in my head is that he’s gorgeous, intelligent, so thoughtful and caring. He makes me feel all fizzy and excited when I’m with him—’

‘Spew.’ Amber simulates sticking her fingers down her throat.

‘That’s all good, isn’t it?’ says Cat, shooting Amber a disapproving look.

‘It is. But there’s something that’s really bothering me. One of the things that irritated me about James when we first met was how he kept playing the rescuer. It seemed like some kind of hero complex, and when I met his mum it finally made sense, with her being a retired nurse and all. She’s a helper and so is he, and I found that quite endearing. But then with him playing third interview coach over the last day or so, I’ve realised that he’s not just a helper – he’s also a fixer.’

‘Is that so bad, honey? It does seem to come from the right place – not manipulative or anything – and his tips were really useful.’

‘I know.’ I shrug, unable to refute this. ‘Being cared for and supported in that way is good in theory – especially after Dave’s self-centredness – but if it’s all the time, and it has the impact of making me feel like I’m incapable, it’ll chip away at my self-esteem. No matter how well intended it is. I’m just wondering if that makes us incompatible – at least for now, with my confidence having taken a knock recently.’ I decide not to add that I’ve already got enough ‘fixers’ in my life, because that list includes Amber and I’m not up for that discussion.

‘Ah, OK. I see where you’re coming from.’ Cat purses her lips, and if I’m not wrong, she looks disappointed.

‘Also… I’m not sure I’m ready for a full-on relationship again. I keep landing back on the question of whether it might still be too soon after Dave.’

‘One question…’ Amber holds up a finger, chews and swallows. ‘Dave was a selfish materialistic arsehole, and James is the opposite.’

I wait for her to continue but she doesn’t. ‘That’s… not a question.’

‘Yes, it is.’

‘Is it atrickquestion?’

‘Two ends of the spectrum, Emma.’

I furrow my brow, trying to work her angle. ‘Oh… I get it. If I don’t want a selfish materialistic arsehole or a thoughtful and caring man, what do I want?’

‘Bingo.’

‘Aren’t there shades of grey along that spectrum?’

‘I wasn’t talking about your sex life, but if you insist—’

‘That’s not what I meant, and you know it.’ I shake my head at her, chuckling. ‘But I suppose you’re right.’

‘I know I’m right,’ she says. ‘No man is perfect. They’re all bloody infuriating at times, but so are we. Would you rather his flaws were being too into helping you, or too into helping himself?’

‘All right, when you put it like that…ugh… Look, as I’ve already said, this is all fine in theory. It’s how it’ll play out that concerns me.And…as I’ve also already said, it might still be too soon.’

‘Or you might have the relationship jitters?’ says Cat.

‘Could be…oh,I don’t know.’ I play with my food absently. ‘I’m more confused than ever now, but I know I can’t leave him waiting around. That’s not fair. One way or another, I have to make a decision today. In fact, I’d better message him now.’

I pick my phone out of my handbag and type a message to James.

Hi there, sorry for leaving you hanging. Can we meet this afternoon? x

He replies in less than a minute.

No worries. Hope you’re feeling better. 5pm in the cocktail bar? We’re off the resort just now. x

I confirm that will be fine and give a loaded sigh. ‘OK, ladies. I’ve got three and a half hours to make my decision.’

After lunch, we head to the pool for some rest and relaxation – my first proper bit of downtime since my interview brief appeared under my door three days before. Lying back on my sun lounger, I can feel the pressure of my interview shedding like down feathers. I’m free.Finally. And what’s more –I did it. After all the sweating, stuttering and drama of the last few days, I stood up there and delivered a quality presentation to a sizeable audience – and I wasn’t even regurgitating a script.ThatI can be proud of.

However, my moment of self-acknowledgement is short-lived. Mr Miller’s contemptuous face materialises in my mind, alongside a tangle of worries. That man has a lot of power and influence. He could probably damage Paradis Resorts’ reputation if he wanted to. And how will Sébastien view me now – after hearing how I apparently behaved? Will he think I’m a sneak? Someone who’s not quite as trustworthy as she makes out? The idea of that makes me feel sick and angry.

‘Oh, stop it,’ I grumbleout loud.

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