Page 65 of Another Lucky Number

I take a deep breath and cast aside my pride. ‘It was… awful to watch. I hate seeing myself on screen, but I can see where you were coming from with your approach.’

‘And?’

‘And what? If you’re looking for an apology or a declarationthat I was wrong, you’re not going to get either. I still don’t agree with your methods.’

‘I meant what are your observations? I want to hear your thoughts before I give you mine.’

‘Oh. Right.’ I’m suddenly hyper aware of everyone around me. This must come through clearly to James because he springs to action.

‘Hey, guys…’ he says to Tyler and Rob ‘I’m really full after that starter. How about we take a short breather on the beach before the main course?’

Not only is it obvious what he’s doing, James’s friends look like they’ve been sent to bed with no supper. They were clearly looking forward to the show, and to be honest, I can’t blame them. Who doesn’t enjoy a laugh at someone else’s expense? That’s what every bloopers show ever has been built on. I feel my tension dissipate as James gives my hand a final supportive squeeze under the table and gets up to leave, forcing Tyler and Rob to reluctantly trudge out of the restaurant after him.

‘That wassosweet of James,’ says Cat, the moment they’re out of ear shot.

‘He’s a good one all right.’ I eye Amber disdainfully for her lack of being ‘a good one’ herself at this particular moment.

Of course, she ignores my comment and bulldozes on. ‘Shall we get started then?’

‘OK, let’s get this over with.’

‘Great. What are your thoughts after seeing the video?’

I rest my elbows on the table and rub my weary face. ‘Mortification, humiliation… temptation to walk into the sea and never return.’

Cat chuckles at my joke.

‘Very funny.’ Amber rolls her eyes. ‘Come on, take this seriously.’

‘You never take anything seriously,’ I throw back at her. ‘Andyou’re definitely no role model in this respect. Makes me wonder how you’re remotely qualified to deliver this feedback.’

‘I know exactly what I’m doing all the time. I push the boundaries by choice, not because my actions are uncontrolled. Plus, I’m not the one trying to secure their dream job.’

‘Point taken. OK… here’s what I got from it. I overreacted massively to the kids with the water guns and to hearing that we were moving resorts. And I bottled it with the woman who stole my lounger.’

‘And what does that tell you?’ She puts her scoring sheet on the table so I can refer to the different areas she’s scored me on. ‘Don’t read my observations. Make your own judgements.’

I quickly read through the headings and the descriptions for the four areas she’s mapped out. ‘I reckon it means that I think before I act. That I lack a bit of emotional self-control.’

‘Why do you think that?’

‘Because I let my instincts drive me. Sometimes they’re right, but sometimes they’re wrong or not helpful, even if I’m justified in how I’m feeling.’

‘Great. What else?’

‘I’m not sure where it fits in here, but I didn’t stand up for myself when that woman nicked my lounger. As soon as she got a bit tetchy, I wimped out.’

‘Well observed.’ Amber adopts an uncharacteristically gentle tone. ‘Now I’ll give you mine. I completely agree with what you’ve said so far and these issues go on the list for you as areas for improvement. We already knew about your weakness when it comes to being assertive because of what happened with your ex-boss and Dave the wanker, but it’s useful to see it play out on screen, so we can pinpoint what’s going on for you in the moment and work out how to approach things.’

‘Wow, where’s Amber gone?’ I joke. ‘Now you sound like a professional trainer.’

‘I do this stuff with my team at work.’ She shrugs. ‘It’s really helpful.’

‘Just wouldn’t have had you down as being into it. Thought you’d see it as too fluffy.’

‘What’s fluffy about learning to conduct yourself in a way that earns you loads of respect – and therefore, success?’

‘Nothing, I guess.’ I can feel myself getting invested in the conversation. ‘OK, what else did you pick up on?’

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