Page 8 of Just Like That

‘No, thanks.’ I ensure my tone is firmer than before and avoid any further eye contact. ‘I’ve got all I need here.’

He seems to accept this and turns away, then he hesitates and swivels back to me.

‘Are you sure? I don’t like leaving you on your own. Some company might help.’

Yeah, might help you get in my pants, or so you think, my inner voice spits. I’m now fuming at the audacity of this guy preying on someone in such a vulnerable state. Unfortunately, though, it’s not unheard of. I’ve come across enough real-life stories to know I need to be well on my guard.

‘Look, I don’t need company or someone to share my woes with.’ This time I fix him with a defiant stare. ‘I’m not sure if this is something you’ve done many times or if you thought you’d try your luck today, but whatever it is, do me a favour and get lost.’ I add some extra venom to this request, to make sure he gets the message.

The man’s expression turns to one of surprise – most likely surprise that he’s been caught out.

‘Of course, I’ll leave you in peace then.’ He holds his hands up in a gesture of surrender and walks off.

Watching him go, I feel slightly guilty for being so direct, but as my mind trawls back over the interaction, that guilt disintegrates. He was at it. No question. But one thing’s clear: he wasn’t a pro. Forcing my focus back to what’s important, I decide that I’ve spent long enough wallowing. It’s time to get back to my brother and find out what we’re facing together.

Chapter 4

Five weeks on from Seth’s stroke, the doctors communicate that he’s making enough progress to be discharged in the coming weeks and begin a dialogue with me over his care needs. They’re confident that a home setting will be more comfortable and reassuring for him as he recovers.

Despite this progress, my brother is facing a long and difficult road back, with his consultant having confirmed he won’t regain some of the function he has lost – principally the use of his left arm. This news devastated me, possibly more than it upset Seth when they told him. He all but took it in his stride – perhaps he was just glad to be alive. Thankfully, there was also good news: the cognitive impacts he has experienced are largely reversible. This means Seth’s speech, which was almost incomprehensible at first, has the potential to improve significantly with intensive therapy, and he should be able to re-learn how to walk, but is unlikely to play football again.

With my parents having let him down so badly – though he doesn’t know the half of it and I’m not about to tell him – my protectiveness over my brother has grown like a tumour. When they eventually did visit, I played ball and was civil while in Seth’s presence, but I gave them none of my time or energy beyond that. As expected, they didn’t try very hard to show me my judgement of them was wrong. Within two weeks, they were back in sunny Spain, living the life of riley, while I continued to put on a brave face and keep Seth’s spirits up.

‘How are you coping, sugar cream pie?’ My bestie, Amelia, asks me one evening during a much-needed support call.

In the absence of my parents, Amelia’s been my rock – actually, more like a huge sparkly gemstone, having helped me through the most difficult of times and kept me from falling into complete despair. The only place I’ve felt any real solace or sense of escape has been at work, where I plaster my best smile on my face each day and keep kicking ass in the events world, with Craig cheering me on (while he simultaneously tots up the earnings).

‘I’m doing OK… I think.’ I grimace at my phone, which is in my hand and on loudspeaker. ‘Up and down, if I’m honest. I’m not getting enough sleep because I’m worried about Seth… about our future.’

‘That’s understandable.’

‘I guess. I don’t like it though. I was always so steady and unflappable before. Still am – most of the time – but every now and then my reactions are a bit… unpredictable.’

‘How do you mean?’ Amelia asks.

I shrug, even though I know she can’t see me. ‘It’s not a big deal, but sometimes I find myself shying away from things I’d normally face head on. Then at other points I get pissed at stuff that wouldn’t usually get to me.’

‘Sounds like stress to me. You’re on edge so you’re operating in a different mode to usual, and your fight or flight instincts are kicking in. Give yourself a break, lovely. You have a lot going on and the process for having Seth coming to live with you sounds awfully complicated.’

‘It is and it isn’t.’ I rub my forehead exhaustedly. ‘The main thing is getting through the assessment. Thankfully, with my flat being on the ground floor and quite roomy, I’ve passed that part of it with flying colours. I just need to get a ramp fitted at the main door and some adjustments made to my bathroom. However, my job has been an area of concern, as he can’t be left alone, but it’s not like I can give it up – I need to bring in an income – nor would I want to.’

‘Oh, I wish I lived closer. I was thinking… maybe I could look for something in Edinburgh, so I could be there to offer you more help? I’m sure there are plenty of companies who need an ethically sourced, climate-friendly PR and social media warrior.’

‘I have zero idea what that means, so I couldn’t possibly comment.’ I laugh weakly, my brain too scrambled to try and decipher Amelia’s bizarre use of language. ‘Thanks for the offer, but you stay where you are. The great city of London must need its warriors. Anyway, this is where my parents did come to some use. I put a major guilt trip on them and they couldn’t agree fast enough to pay for a private carer. I’m about to start the process of hiring someone.’

‘Good. At least the slippery toadstools are shelling out in that respect.’

‘Yes, quite. I’m banking on being able to make it work, because I need my brother back, Meels. I’m lost without him.’

I pour truckloads of hope into that sentiment, however, after another couple of weeks of seeing Seth receiving compassionate but limited support and companionship in the hospital, while I’m at work for most of his waking day, I see the hope in my – normally upbeat and positive – brother’s eyes begin to fade and his fight start to peter out. It’s nothing short of soul destroying and as much as it pains me to have to take a financial and personal hit, I decide there’s only one thing to do when I bring him home.

‘Jess, how are you today?’ Craig asks as he closes the meeting room door behind him and sits opposite me. ‘I got some feedback from Izzy over the weekend that I thought you might be interested in.’

‘Oh?’ Despite this not being the reason for my meeting with Craig, my ears prick up with interest.

‘She and Jon are really happy with the work you’re doing on the Glasgow Food Lovers event. Particularly the fact that you’ve managed to secure Lewis Capaldi for the headline act.’

‘That I am feeling a bit smug about.’ I grin. ‘I’ve always wanted to see him live.’

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