Page 61 of Just Like That

After we hang up, I spend the rest of the journey playing back my date with Nick, and by the time I reach my flat, I’ve gotten ridiculously carried away and already imagined him proposing to me. In my silly little fantasy, he does it in Rana’s enclosure, with the adorable little bundle of fur using me as a climbing frame and me being shocked to discover the ring box hanging round her neck. This, of course, is complete head-in-the-clouds idiotic claptrap, which I hold Amelia fully responsible for, after the nonsense she was spouting about her ‘senses’ during our call.

Obviously, I need to get hold of myself. It’s far too soon (and quite possibly bonkers) to be thinking that way, and if we were to ever get to that point, Rana would be a fully grown bundle of wild bear who could rip my face off with a single swipe. Not so romantic after all.

Planting my feet firmly back in reality, tonight has shown me two things. The first being that Nick is a completely different person to who I first thought he was and I really want this to go somewhere; the second is that, because of my situation, ‘going somewhere’ is going to be tricky. Nick has been clear that he’s looking for something far less complicated than his previous marriage, which means it’s unlikely he’ll want a woman who has to focus the majority of her time on another man, even if it is her brother. He also deserves to have someone who can be as devoted to him as he will be to them as that’s what he missed out on before.

What that means is that I can’t tell him about Seth. Not yet anyway. It’s too early to show him the sacrifice he’d have to make as the partner of a carer, plus I’m not sure I’m ready to show him that side of my life yet. It’s just too fragile and vulnerable. Besides, within a few months, I’ll have a better sense of how independent Seth is or isn’t going to become. If I can keep things light between Nick and I for a while, it means that when I do share my situation with him, I may be in a freer place, and able to show him how things will continue to improve. What that means for now, however, is that I need to resist my primal urges, because once that line is crossed, we’re moving into overnighters territory, which is definitely not an option in the immediate future.

The next morning, I’m back at the wildlife park, and with the majority of the preparations done for the dating and retirement events kicking off today, I spend an hour with Serge on the Christmas market planning, before taking a stroll to see where Nick is. Of course, I should have guessed: I find him playing a game of wrestling with Rana in her enclosure, which she simply cannot get enough of. She’s so high energy and the snuffling noise she makes as she battles with him is just too adorable. It’s obviously not ‘playing’ as such, he’s encouraging her natural instincts, but it does always look such fun. She climbs all over him, and every time he successfully fights her off, she rebounds straight back over to him like a cute, fluffy bouncy ball.

‘You seem to be having to put in more effort these days now she’s getting bigger,’ I say by way of a greeting.

He looks up and grins, and I can see the sweat beading on his forehead even from where I’m standing.

‘I’m exhausted, but she’s developing brilliantly, so it’s worth it. A couple more months and she’ll need be moved to her next temporary enclosure, which is bigger. And I’ll need to start being more careful around her as she matures.’

I feel a little tug in my heart as he says this. ‘Does it not make you sad? That after having such a close relationship with her, you’ll soon have to remain at a distance?’

‘It does and it doesn’t.’ He shrugs and continues to play-wrestle with Rana as he chats away to me. ‘I’ve been doing this a long time, so I’ve seen a lot of animals off into their adulthood. Of course, I’ll miss that side of things. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of interacting with a young animal like Rana, but at the same time, her reaching that milestone means she’s healthy, I’ve done my job right and we’re keeping our conservation commitments.’

‘That’s a good way of looking at it.’

‘It is.’ He nods, then seems to lose his focus for a second, which is enough to throw off the balance in their ‘game’. ‘Ouch… dammit, she’s nicked me with her claw.’

‘Shit, Nick, are you OK?’ I rush to the enclosure entrance while he distracts Rana with some food and makes his way out to me. ‘I’m so sorry,’ I babble. ‘That was my fault. I was distracting you. How bad is it? Have you had a tetanus jab, or whatever it is you need, recently? I can call for help.’

‘Hey, chill.’ Nick grasps me gently by the shoulders to calm me. ‘This stuff happens all the time. Painful in the moment, but nothing to worry about. It’s just a scratch, see?’

He holds out his arm, which is red raw and bleeding just above the glove line. It looks like more than a scratch to me, but I don’t want to make a song and dance about something he’s clearly not concerned about.

‘OK, sure. But, for the record, I am sorry.’

‘When you fell last night and I thought it was my fault, did you not tell me I was being daft?’ He fixes me with an appraising look.

‘Uh-huh.’ I look up at him with guilty eyes.

‘Well then, enough said.’

He smiles tenderly at me then draws me into a reassuring embrace, which includes a rather delicious but salty kiss. I try not to think about that part too much. If I’m going to be in a relationship with a head keeper, I’ll have to learn to deal with a lot more than a sweaty upper lip.

Later in the morning, the very first of Monika’s senior citizens’ coffee mornings kicks off. Within minutes, the place turns from peacefully quiet into a raucous rammy, as around sixty retirees descend on the place, looking hungrier than the park’s African painted dogs. We attempt to shepherd them straight through to the main picnic area; however, we’ve overlooked one small but significant detail: the gift shop is in their line of sight, and they’re making a beeline for it in droves.

As much as the extra spend would be welcome and we should capitalise on that opportunity later, right now it’s an unscheduled diversion we don’t have time for. I quickly assign Lauren the role of gatekeeper, telling them we have time built in later and that the event is about to start.

Once we have everyone perched at the picnic tables in the covered area – because unfortunately a light shower has come on – Lauren takes the lead (this being Monika’s preference as she’s quite shy) and gives the group a big hearty welcome.

‘Good morning, everyone.’ She beams at them. ‘Welcome to East Lothian Wildlife Park. I hope you’re all well?’

‘We’re well. Shame we can’t say the same for the weather,’ one woman grumbles, and a muttering of agreement sweeps through the group.

‘Not to worry,’ says Lauren. ‘We have waterproof ponchos at the ready for anyone who needs to borrow one for the guided tour.’

‘Are you telling us that if we don’t want to do yoga, our only other option is to get soaked through?’ one particularly plummy-sounding woman asks with a tut.

‘Ach, it’s not heavy. And it’s supposed to dry up soon. Anyway, us Scots have never been put off by bit of rain, have we? If we did, we’d get nothing done.’ Lauren lets out a belly laugh, hoping to appeal to a shared sense of humour, but her joke falls flat.

There’s another ripple of dissatisfaction – louder this time – and she shoots an uncertain glance in my direction. It’s not the whole group, but it’s enough of them to ruin the morning for everyone. This is one of the reasons I’m here. I’ve had to gee up many disgruntled event attendees in my time; those who have the potential to turn a fantastically organised event into a miserable experience. Giving Lauren a signal to stall for two minutes, I scan the area, seeking inspiration, and as I do, I spot Nick hovering nearby. I flash him a quick smile, which he returns more tentatively, having clearly picked up on the atmosphere. Then an idea hits me and I dart across to him.

‘How do you fancy helping to rescue this situation?’ I clasp my hands together in a begging gesture.

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