Page 39 of Just Like That

‘I can work with bribery.’ He shrugs. ‘I use it on the animals all the time. It’s sexual favours I draw the line at.’

I suppress a snort of laughter. ‘With the animals or your colleagues?’

‘Both, I guess.’ He gives me a cheeky sideways glance.

‘I can’t believe Lauren had to get Gwen on your case. You must have put up quite the fight.’

‘Does this look like something I would agree to without a significant sweetener?’

‘Definitely not.’

He picks what looks like a tiny feather off his overalls and discards it on the ground. ‘Well, at least we know there’s no way we’ll be matched up for the dates.’

‘Why’s that?’ I ask, with one ear tuned into Lauren’s explanation of the format for the evening.

‘Because we’ve spent more time tearing strips off each other than getting on. We’re more like scrapping siblings than lusting lovers.’ He punctuates this statement with a sideways glance and what I interpret as a brotherly nudge, which causes me to wilt a little inside.

‘That’s true. A plus, for sure.’ I force an affirmative nod.

It may be for the best that Nick doesn’t find me remotely attractive. I need to focus on other things like Seth and saving my career, but there’s something about being ‘friend-zoned’, no scratch that, ‘family-zoned’, by a man whose clothes you wouldn’t mind ripping off, that really puts a dampener on things.

Once Lauren’s finished with her introductory speech, she hands each of us a sealed envelope.

‘What’s this?’ Nick turns his over and inspects it, then holds it up in the direction of the sun in an attempt to see through to the contents inside.

‘You’ll find out in a moment.’ I tut at him. ‘And you called me impatient.’

He simply frowns at me in return.

‘OK, let me quickly explain how this works before you open them,’ says Lauren. ‘Inside the envelope is your own personal dater card. On the front it tells you which animal personality you are – based on the self-assessment – as well as a little about what that means. On the back, it tells you who your dating matches are for this evening.’

‘How did you decide who’s compatible with who?’ one of the group asks.

‘Great question, Abishek,’ says Lauren. ‘We used tried and tested principles to draw up a framework of compatibility, and we assigned scores to the different combinations of matches based on personality traits, values and beliefs. Then for this evening, we assigned you each a date with your three closest matches. There are four rounds of dating to allow for overlaps, so you’ll each have one mini-date slot when you’re free to wander round the park and see the animals – you can, of course, do that alone, or with the others who aren’t on a date during that time, whatever you prefer. Does that sound OK?’

‘Yeah, great.’ Abishek seems satisfied with this answer.

I catch Lauren’s eye, giving her a subtle thumbs-up to let her know she’s nailing it. She seems pleased by this.

‘Right, now you know how this works,’ she says. ‘Go ahead and open your envelopes.’

Nick and I share an eye roll in a mutual gesture of ‘I can’t believe we’re doing this’ and rip ours open. Pulling out the card inside, I scoff with amusement as I see my animal personality type.

‘I’m a king penguin. Apparently, that means I’m sociable, committed, dependable and resilient – among other things. What animal did you get?’

‘A shingleback lizard.’ His brow creases. ‘It says I’m smart and solitary in nature but also deeply affectionate and loyal towards those who I create a bond with. I’m not sure I would have put myself in that category.’

I lean across and read the explanation on his card. ‘Oh, you are so a shingleback lizard. You’re solitary in nature for sure. I don’t actually know anything about you and you even admit you prefer animals to people.’

‘I don’t know anything about you either.’ He eyes me moodily.

‘Hey, we’re not talking about me here. But good attempt to deflect the attention from yourself, Mr Solitude. I can’t comment on whether you’re affectionate and loyal to people you create a bond with, but you’re certainly that way with the animals you look after.’

‘Huh. Maybe it is more accurate than I first thought.’

Turning over my card to see who I’ve been assigned for my dates, I inhale sharply as I spot Nick’s name in slot number three and quickly turn the card back over.

‘What’s up?’ He glances at me and turns his own card over. ‘Really? This can’t be right. Is this right?’

---