Page 31 of Just Like That

I take a long sip from my cappuccino to compose myself.

‘Craig, I want to talk to you about my work assignments.’

‘Oh?’ He seems taken aback. ‘I thought you said you’d be able to manage the projects I’ve given you no problem.’

‘That’s the thing. I am, and I’m bored.’ I sit forward and try to make meaningful eye contact with him. ‘Other than the wildlife park – which is only semi-interesting because of the type of business it is – I feel like I’ve taken a step back in my career. I need more work. I need projects that will challenge me and give me a sense of fulfilment, like the ones I was managing before.’

‘I see.’ Craig stirs sugar into his coffee, then sips at it to check it’s the right sweetness. ‘I’m not sure what to tell you, Jess. You took a decision that altered your ability to deliver what’s needed of you and I had to act accordingly.’

‘Is that really what happened, Craig? The way I see it, you made a decision based on an assumption, with no evidence to back it up. Rather than allowing me the opportunity to show that I could make things work, you essentially demoted me.’

‘I’m afraid it’s not that simple, and if you did the job I do, you would understand that, Jess. I didn’t jump to some wild conclusion. I made a calculated decision based on what I know about our clients’ demands, as well as having dealt with a similar situation in the past.’

‘Yeah, with someone else.’ I point out. ‘I’m not that person, whoever it was. And I understand your concerns about the clients, but I offered you a feasible solution: to be contactable on my non-working days and even attend important meetings in person where needed. Now I’ve gotten into a routine with Seth, I know exactly how I could manage that.’

‘Being able to respond to things or attend the odd meeting is not the same as being at work.’ A flicker of what looks like impatience passes across Craig’s face. ‘Let’s not gloss over that important point. Then there’s the issue that you need to be physically present at these high-profile events when they’re happening, and they’re often in the evenings or at weekends.’

I grit my teeth at this suggestion I don’t know what’s needed in my own job.

‘I know that, but I can arrange care for Seth for event dates. Being at them is not a problem. All I’m asking is for you to give me a chance to prove I can do it. Craig, please. Put me back on the Glasgow project and I promise I’ll blow you away. We wouldn’t even need to tell the clients that I’m not working full time, because from their perspective, I would never be unavailable.’

As soon as this statement leaves my lips, I realise my error. I’ve killed it. Any chance that Craig was going to back down is extinguished in an instant. Craig’s expression turns from one of defending his position to irritation.

‘You’re saying you want me to lie to our most important clients, so that you can have things your way?’

‘No.No, that’s not what I meant. I was only trying to show you that if you weren’t to tell them, they wouldn’t even know, because I’d be so on it. That’s all.’

‘That’s not what you said.’

‘No, it’s not.’ I stare out the window in frustrated resignation as I realise this conversation was never going to go the way I wanted. Craig was waiting for me to slip the whole time, and the moment I did, he jumped on it – to show me how I hadn’t thought things through and couldn’t justify my claims. He was never going to give me a chance.

‘Jess, if I tell our highest paying clients I’ve assigned someone part time to their contract, what do you think they’re going to think?’ He pushes his coffee aside and fixes me with an appraising look. ‘I’ll tell you what: that we don’t consider them to be important enough. Then they’ll go elsewhere next time.’

It’s clear he’s not going to listen to me, but I can’t help having one last try.

‘Even if you tell them that part-time person is the best staff member you have?’ I ask.

‘Yes. Even if I tell them that.’

I’m so frustrated by his unwillingness to look beyond appearances and assumed perceptions, I even consider telling him I think he’s discriminating against me, but I know it’s a lost cause. All that will do is drive an even bigger and perhaps irreparable wedge between us. I can’t risk doing that, because my one remaining hope is I will at some point be able to go back to full-time hours, if and when Seth gains back some independence. Based on Craig’s reasoning and attitude, I’m pretty certain that if I do, he’ll be more than happy to assign me the big gigs again.

‘Well, I guess there’s nothing more to say then.’ I give a despondent sigh, drain my coffee and get to my feet. ‘I’d better get myself across to the wildlife park. Thanks for your time.’

My head is full during my drive to East Lothian. Even putting on my favourite playlist at a ridiculous volume doesn’t shift the deep feeling of resentment I have towards Craig. I keep thinking of all the things I could or should have said – and the thing Ididsay that gave him his opportunity to shut me down. It’s all so unfair.

By the time I’ve parked my car and I’m heading through the entrance to the park office, I’ve worked myself into a right lather. This basically involves fuming and fantasising about marching into the office and telling Craig where he can stick his job. OK, so that’s not at all realistic, though maybe approaching the competition is. I’ve been loyal up to this point, but I don’t have any reason not to talk job opportunities with Bree from the Cramond Event Company now. She may well be more accommodating of my situation than—

‘Whoa.Watch yourself there.’ An irked voice cuts through my runaway thoughts as I narrowly avoid colliding with Nick, who’s lugging a couple of sacks of what is probably animal feed.

‘Oh, sorry.’ I come back to the land of thecompos mentiswith a jolt. ‘I didn’t see you there.’

‘No shit. You nearly took me out. Thought you’re here to make us money, not injure our workers and waste our resources.’ He nods at his cargo.

‘I said I’m sorry.’ I’m irritated by Nick’s overreaction. I’m not up for his nonsense today.

‘Hey, are you OK?’ He peers at me and seems to take me in for the first time. ‘You look… harassed.’

Like you care, Mr Hot and Cold.

---