Page 27 of Just Like That

‘Um… right… yes.’ Gwen gets to her feet and begins to pace back and forth slowly, head down while she attempts to come up with something on the spot.

It plays out as quite an awkward moment and there are several shared looks and smirks that she’s completely oblivious to – which is probably for the best, because I need her unrattled and on point. Cringing on her behalf, I make a mental note to brief her next time we’re bringing the group together to allow her to be better prepared. Eventually, she nods and seems to land in a place of agreement with herself, and we all wait with bated breath as she stops pacing and faces us.

‘You all know the pressure we’re under,’ she all but bellows. ‘You know the threat to the important educational and conservation work we pour our hearts and souls into every single day – to the park, our animals and livelihoods. Today I’m asking you to give this your all, to give Jess your full attention and effort, and to give me your commitment that you will fight for our survival. Because one chance is all we get at this, team, and I’m sure none of us wants to be lying in our beds six months from now, waiting for our Universal Credit payments, wishing we’d tried a bit harder. Am I right?’

Gwen’s slightly shell-shocked audience stares mutely back at her.

‘I said, am I right?’ Gwen looks expectantly at her team and I feel pained and a little embarrassed for her, but I avoid joining in, knowing that this has to come from them.

‘You’re right,’ says Lauren, adopting the role of rescuer once again. ‘Come on, guys. What do you say?’

‘You’re right,’ a couple of them mumble.

‘Was that Mel Gibson’s big speech fromBraveheart?’ I hear another team member whisper.

‘OK, great, thanks Gwen,’ I interject, unable to stomach any more of this. ‘So you all know what’s on the line here, right? I’m here to help you save this place and failure is not a word I understand, so let’s step this up a gear. East Lothian Wildlife Park’s future is in our hands and we’re going to crack this – today.’

‘Yes, we are!’ chants Lauren, thinking I’m going for a speech similar in tone to Gwen’s.

‘OK, great.’ I clap my hands together. ‘Lauren’s up for this. Let’s get the blood pumping through the rest of you, before you go into hibernation mode on me. I’m going to set you a task: I want you to break into four pairs and go for a walk round the park.’

‘How is going for a walk going to help us figure out what events to put on?’ Nick asks.

‘Good question, Nick.’ I smile at him, assuming he’s asked this question to show interest and offer me some moral support. ‘While you’re taking your walks, I’d like you to take on different personas and view the park through the eyes of four different customer groups: children and teenagers; twenty-somethings; middle-aged adults and parents; and retirees. Think about what’s important to each of these groups. What will excite or please them? What would they pay extra for?’

‘Could we not do that by sitting here and brainstorming those questions together?’ Nick’s forehead creases in a frown and my smile falters on realising he wasn’t playing the role of ally after all.

‘Well, yes. I guess we could, but where’s the fun in that?’

‘I’m not here to have fun, I’m here to solve a problem.’

I grit my teeth, irritation bubbling within me. ‘I know that. It’s not really for fun, it’s about trying to get you think differently; about you seeing the park you’re so used to through the eyes of your customers. It’s an experiential exercise that will help you come up with fresh and exciting ideas. Your initial brainstorm hasn’t been particularly successful, so I think it’s worth trying something different.’

‘OK. Why didn’t you just say that then?’ Nick shrugs compliantly, while a couple of the team stifle a snigger.

I want to walk across and cuff him across the back of the head for being such a pain in the arse.

‘Glad you’re on board.’ I say instead, trying to hold back the sarcastic tone in my voice. ‘Everyone clear on what’s being asked?’

I look around the rest of the group hopefully and they seem to be accepting of the task, which is a relief.

‘OK, great. I’ll see you back here in half an hour.’

They get themselves into pairs and pick a scrap of paper out of the Tupperware I snaffled from the restaurant, which assigns them their consumer demographic. They then head off for their walkabout, while I silently stew and aim dung pitchforks at the back of Nick’s head.

What is his problem? He’s pleasant and accommodating one minute and the next he’s hurling metaphorical grenades at me. It’s bad enough him doing it in a one-on-one setting, but in front of the whole team? That’s going to impact my credibility and potentially the success of this whole project. I decide I need to speak to him about it. It’s that or go to Gwen, and I really don’t want to have to play that card.

When the group returns from their half-an-hour-in-the-life-of exercise, I’m pleased to see the energy levels have picked up a bit.

‘How was that?’ I ask them, inviting them to take their seats once again.

‘It was insightful,’ says Lauren. ‘A really interesting way to look at things.’

‘Great. What else?’ I cast my eyes round the rest of the group. ‘Serge, what customer demographic did you and Monika talk about?’

‘We were on the old-timers,’ says Serge.

‘The retirees.’ I correct his labelling to encourage a more respectful discussion.

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