Page 17 of One Night in Edinburgh

‘Shall I make us some coffee?’

‘That would be amazing.’ He pulls me in for a kiss, before releasing me so I can go get our drinks.

I potter around in the kitchen, making us fresh coffee and some toast to help with our hangovers. It’s a good opportunity to have another check in with myself, and I find I’m remarkably calm and content. Is it that I’m still numb about things? If so, this is one hell of an anaesthetic – it’s almost as if my feelings of loss have been frozen.

Several minutes later, Jamie emerges from the bedroom, wearing only his jeans and sporting the ultimate sexy just-out-of-bed look. I get to appreciate his six pack for the first time in the sober light of day, and it’s no less impressive than it was when I had my hands all over it hours before. As these thoughts whirl through my mind, I feel myself face start to blush, so I turn my back to him and prepare the toast, not wanting him to spot this.

‘Here, you can start with that.’ I hand him a plate of buttered toast once I’m confident I’ve got my faculties back under control. ‘There’s jam and marmalade in the fridge if you want either. Wasn’t sure what you’d like.’

‘Magic. You’re a star.’ He takes the plate to the dining table and plonks himself down on one of the seats, while watching me fuss with the cafetiere. ‘Instant would have done, but I like this place. Think I’ll come back.’

Even though I know he’s probably joking, I feel a swell of buzzy excitement inside me. I pad across with the coffees and sit down on the seat next to him.

‘How are you feeling today? About everything?’ Jamie asks me.

I do another quick self-check. ‘I’m… OK. Way better than I expected. I could put it down to the fact that you’re here and distracting me, but I think it’s more than that. I’m sad about things, of course I am, but I’m not devastated in the way I expected to be. Either I’m still in denial, or I’m—’

‘Not as heartbroken as you think you are?’

‘Yes.’ I narrow my eyes at him curiously. ‘How did you know?’

Jamie shrugs. ‘I can sense it. Could it be that your relationship – given you’ve discovered your ex is gay – was more platonic than you realised?’

I nod slowly, mulling this over. ‘I think it’s possible. Obviously, I now know it was platonic from Connor’s side, but I thought I was still madly in love with him. He did the dumping, I was on the receiving end, and that felt awful yesterday. But maybe that was more because it was so unexpected and deep down it had become platonic for me too, without me even realising it. Does that make any sense?’

‘It does. I can imagine the physical part of your relationship might have been lacking a bit, and maybe you didn’t realise because you didn’t have anything to compare it to—’

‘And now I do.’ I grin at Jamie and plant a kiss on his lips. ‘Is this really happening? Have I just wasted more than a decade on… a good friendship?’

‘I wouldn’t say wasted.’ He reaches across and strokes my hand reassuringly. ‘I’m sure there were a lot of real feelings there at some point.’

‘I guess. It’s so weird though, to think that this may actually be a good thing – provided we do stay friends. Connor’s a massively important part of my life. All that aside though, it’s like I’ve been sleepwalking through my love life and I’ve finally woken up.’

‘It certainly works in my favour – if I can be selfish for a second.’

‘How’s that?’

‘Because it means that maybe it’s not too soon for you to consider dating someone else.’

I raise my eyes to the ceiling in mock contemplation. ‘Well… I do have a lot of lost time to make up for.’

‘Then I would be more than happy to help you with that. Starting right now…’

Jamie abandons his toast and scoops me up in one smooth movement, then carries me back to the bedroom. I’m giggling furiously as he lays me down on the bed, and does a gracious bow before diving in next to me, and kissing me tenderly. We quickly become lost in each other – so much so that we almost miss the apartment buzzer sounding.

‘Who’s that?’ Jamie’s head shoots up.

‘Probably just the postie.’

‘On New Year’s Day?’ He gives me a meaningful look.

‘Crap.’ I freeze, and we share a panicked look as the buzzer sounds again.

I leap out of bed and lift the handset in the hallway.

‘Hello?’

‘It’s Connor.’ His voice comes crackling through the earpiece. ‘Can I come up?’

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