Page 99 of One Night in Edinburgh

I look at my friends as if they’re mad, then in that momentary pause, the rational part of my brain kicks into gear. They’re right. I need – at the very least – to check in with myself on this. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, and when I open them again, Anna, Connor, Lukas and Mateusz are all watching me intently, waiting for my next move.

‘OK, I’ve thought it through and provided there’s a reasonable explanation for it all… and Jamie’s willing to start afresh in a fully open and honest way… I want him back.’

‘OK…’ Anna nods slowly and smiles at me. ‘But you’d better come back to this table knowing his surname and pretty much everything there is to know about him, or it’s “no deal” from us, right, Connor?’

‘I’m not sure I’d put it like that,’ says Connor. ‘But the argument stands up.’

‘That seems fair.’ I look at my two friends, and dance on the spot excitedly for a moment, then I grab the can of beer and make my way through the crowded bar.

At first, I can’t find Jamie and quickly become frustrated, then I have an idea. I go to the bar and hover impatiently until I can get someone’s attention.

‘Do you have an outdoor seating area?’ I ask the barman, who comes to take my non-existent order.

‘Through to the next room, you’ll see a door at the back.’

‘Thank you.’

I hurriedly weave my way through the sea of people into the next room and outside to a small seating area with about eight tables. They’re all occupied – for autumn, the weather is thankfully very mild – including the one right at the back of the terrace, where I see Jamie sitting by himself, looking back at me apprehensively.

Chapter 32

‘Hi.’ I reach the table and tentatively take a seat opposite Jamie.

‘Hi, Steph.’ He smiles at me nervously, his obvious concern that this interaction might not go well etched clearly across his face. ‘Happy birthday. You look beautiful.’

‘Thank you. How did you… what are you… I mean…’ I trail off and take a swig from my can of beer. ‘Thanks for the drink.’

‘You’re welcome. Shall I talk? Think I’ve got some explaining to do. It’s not for you to lead this conversation.’

‘OK, sure.’

I’m relieved that all I need to do is listen – and then try to judge things in a measured and balanced way. Jamie looks pained for a second, then starts to speak.

‘Steph… the night we met… I felt a connection with you that I’d never felt with anyone else before. Didn’t even realise it was possible to gel in that way so… instantly.’

‘Me too.’ I give an understanding nod. Some early reassurance can only be helpful, when Jamie’s about to share something that’s incredibly raw for him.

‘I was spinning. I’d met this incredible woman. I already knew I wanted you to be part of my life, but…’ He takes a faltering breath. ‘I’d lost my home just a couple of weeks before that. I was broke and unemployed – and I was couch surfing between the flats of two mates who knew about my situation. I only went to the street party to save face. My friend, Neil – the accordionist – didn’t know anything about it, and I’d already paid for the tickets.’

‘He really had no idea?’

‘No.He does now. I’ve… learned a few lessons about pride over recent months.’ Jamie swigs at his own beer then continues.

‘After I had to leg it out of your apartment, I wanted to get back in contact. But as time passed and I didn’t bump into you, I came to the conclusion that with my situation as it was, it would be too complicated anyway. So, I forced myself to put you out of my mind.’

I shrug. ‘Makes sense. So what? Then I did the whole beer-can appeal and you changed your mind?’

‘Yes. Well, no. I came across your message a while before I made contact, if I’m honest. Things had gotten even more challenging. My friends told me I was welcome to stay with them as long as I needed, but one of them had a son who stayed on the weekends – so it wasn’t exactly appropriate me being there – and the other… well, I overheard his girlfriend giving him stick about it one night. I realised that, as much as they wanted to look out for me, I couldn’t be that kind of burden on them. So, some of the time I would tell them I was staying with someone else—’

‘When you were actually staying in a hostel.’

‘Yes. And I needed money to pay for that. I was sitting on the street one day…’ He hesitates, embarrassed at having to say something like this to my face. ‘Two blokes walked past. They were drinking, and one of them chucked their empty beer can at me—’

‘He did what? The absoluteshit.’ I feel a swell of outrage and protectiveness towards Jamie.

‘That’s nowhere near the worst of it, believe me. Anyway, I’m glad he did, because that’s how I saw your message. I deliberated over it for a few weeks, talking myself in and out of contacting you. Then eventually I decided I had to do it. I needed to see your beautiful face, so I borrowed some money off one of those mates so I had enough to go on a date with you and made contact. I felt bad doing it at first, having no idea when I could pay him back, but I knew that you could potentially be the motivator I needed to get myself back on track, so I decided it wasn’t so bad.’

‘Of course, it wasn’t.’ My eyes start to well up at this revelation. ‘That’s why we would only meet at weekends and have dates that… were less costly, wasn’t it? Because you didn’t want to keep asking your friend for money. You needed to space out our dates and it certainly wouldn’t have been appropriate or sensible to be asking for large sums.’

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