Page 89 of One Night in Edinburgh

‘Ugh. You are joking.’ Kayleigh raises her eyes to the sky in disgust. ‘Probably wants it for booze or drugs or something.’

‘Don’t be so judgemental. A lot of people who end up on the streets have no addiction issues. They’re just unlucky – maybe lose their job or get sick. And need I remind you that addiction is an illness, not a choice? It’s because of the inequalities of our society and often a lack of a support network that people end up sleeping rough. Go on. Try giving him something and see how it feels.’

Kayleigh gives me an exasperated look but doesn’t argue. To my surprise, she reaches into her purse and pulls out a five-pound note rather than some pocket change, and stuffs it in the man’s makeshift collection tin – a disposable coffee cup – as she passes.

The man obviously sees this and in his own surprise at her generosity, lifts his head to thank her. In that split second everything changes. At first, I think I’ve finally lost the plot and I’ve moved beyond fantasies to full-on hallucinations. Then Kayleigh squeals with horror and it’s clear this is no apparition – the man we’re both looking back at is a slightly dishevelled-looking Jamie.

‘OMG, Steph.That’s your ex!’

I stare mutely at Jamie as his own horrified eyes move from Kayleigh to me.

The moment is a blur and passes so quickly that it’s over before I can register what’s happening. Kayleigh starts yelping about Jamie being a fraud and possibly even a criminal, and stirs up one hell of a flap – attracting attention from all around. I just stand there with my mouth open, paralysed by the shock of it all. Jamie’s face fills with mortification and shame as he jumps to his feet and takes off down the street as fast as he can.

‘Oh, Steph.’ Kayleigh steadies herself by leaning on the windowsill of a hair salon. ‘I can’t believe that happened.’

‘Neither can I.’ I finally find my voice, still staring in the direction in which Jamie ran off.

‘I mean…who does that?Pretends they’re some high-flying entrepreneur and weasels their way into the lives of people who actually work hard and have self-respect. He must have been trying to scam us. Steph, you were in real danger…’

She continues to bleat on as if we’ve had a near-death experience, while my mind rotates at warp speed. What the hell just happened? That really was Jamie… which makes no sense. Or does it? It would explain all the secrecy and why he talked of being in a temporary situation – no one wants to be on the streets indefinitely – but nothing else matches up. He was so well turned out, he was at the street party without a care in the world, he talked of being a successful entrepreneur and it was so convincing.

Suddenly the pieces fall into place. Why we never went out for a plush meal. Why our dates were always so cheap. Why I never saw his place. And why he only shared any information about what he did for a living when my family backed him into a corner – because it was probably what he used to do before…what?What happened that caused him to be homeless? I know the probable answer to this – I’ve just schooled my own sister on this matter. Bad luck and a shitty set of circumstances. No wonder Jamie didn’t want to share this situation. He was ashamed; I saw that in his face. But instead of making him feel at ease and showing the understanding I show to the kids we support at the charity every day, I stared at him like he was an alien.

‘I mean, it’s going to take a while to recover from this.’ Kayleigh’s still making a huge drama out of the situation. ‘You should probably change your locks, Steph, and maybe even inform the police—’

‘For what?’ I finally tune back in and lose my cool. ‘Tell me, Kayleigh.What’s Jamie done other than hide a situation that he clearly felt humiliated by?’

Kayleigh’s startled into silence by my outburst.

‘That poor man ran off because he was so ashamed that I’d learned the truth about him, and I didn’t even try to stop him.’

‘Probably for the best,’ she says in a small voice. ‘You don’t know that he’s a good guy.’

‘I do.’ I straighten my shoulders and take a deep, faltering breath. ‘There’s been all this doubt and suspicion, and I let myself be taken in by it. But that look on his face there, it told meeverythingI needed to know. And now, because I’m the one who’s the real fraud – as it turns out – I’ve probably lost him forever.’

Chapter 29

Straight after the drama on Easter Road, I abandon my planned shopping trip with Kayleigh and call a crisis meeting with Anna and Connor. We meet in a hipster cafe over the road from the bustling Leith Market at The Shore.

‘I can’t believe he’s homeless.’ Anna shakes her head in disbelief, while stirring sugar into her coffee. ‘I knew there was something dodgy going on, butthatnever crossed my radar.’

‘There wasn’t something “dodgy” going on.’ I pin her with my best schoolteacher look.

‘I just mean hewashiding something after all.’

‘He was embarrassed and ashamed by the predicament he was in. Probably wanted a sense of normality in his life, where he wasn’t treated like some down and out. And what did I do? I put extra pressure on him during what’s probably the most difficult time in his life.’

‘Hey… don’t be so hard on yourself.’ Connor puts a supportive hand on mine. ‘You didn’t know. You couldn’t have known. Jamie chose to keep that from you, so you could only act on the information you had. You’re not psychic.’

‘I suppose.’ I grimace, unconvinced by this argument. ‘I’m so angry at myself for how I acted when I saw him. I live my life by a set of values that puts others first, with no judgement about the difficult situations they find themselves in. Then, the moment there’s something a bit closer to home, I don’t live up to them.’

‘What do you mean?’ Connor asks.

‘Well… when he looked up, and Kayleigh started yelping and being all ridiculous, I should have gone straight to his defence. I should have shown empathy and understanding. Instead, I stood there, frozen to the spot, doing nothing to put him at ease or manage the situation.’

‘So, you got a shock.’ He shrugs. ‘He was the last person you were expecting to see in that situation. That’s hardly a crime.’

‘I’ve not finished. I also…’ I feel more tears prick at my eyes as my own shame washes over me. ‘I… also… felt a bit embarrassed. It was only momentary, but the first thought that crossed my mind was, “I’ve been dating a homeless guy?”. That’s so judgemental and wrong oneverylevel.’

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