Page 53 of One Night in Edinburgh

‘Jamie, I’m Steph’s sister. I know we don’t look alike. Sometimes I wonder if one of us is adopted.’ She emits her signature tinkling laugh: totally false and which grates on me like a blister in a pair of cheap shoes.

‘Nice to meet you.’ Jamie continues to smile politely at her. ‘I can actually see a bit of a resemblance.’

This comment, though well intentioned, earns Jamie a filthy look from both of us. He immediately picks up on this.

‘It’s only very slight. So… Kayleigh, what are you up to on this fine day?’

‘She’s going to the market.’ I fill in for her to prevent Kayleigh from giving an unnecessarily long response or revealing a window into her poisoned soul. I don’t want anything scaring Jamie off at this early stage.

‘That’s right,’ she simply confirms.

Relieved that she’s picked up on my steer, I’m hoping that will be it and she’ll trot off to entertain her online followers, but it quickly becomes clear there’s a reason why she’s not talking about herself for once.

‘You look kind of familiar, Jamie…’ She makes a show of trying to work out where she knows him from. ‘I’m wondering if we move in the same circles.’

This is an out and out lie. It’s Kayleigh’s way of getting someone to share information about themselves without her having to do anything as grubby as ask for it.

‘I’m from the west of Scotland, so it’s probably unlikely,’ says Jamie.

‘Ooh, I know people from there. Which part?’

‘South Lanarkshire.’

‘And you live here in Edinburgh now?’

‘Currently, yes.’

Kayleigh flashes me a look, which says, ‘did you know he might not be sticking around’? This makes me fume inside, but I make sure it doesn’t show in my expression.

‘Wait a minute…’ She makes another show of searching her memory. ‘You’re in investments, right? I’m sure I’ve seen you out with Rod and his crowd.’

‘Wrong,’ says Jamie, and it dawns on me that he’s wise to what Kayleigh’s up to.

If she wants some juice, she’s going to have to lower herself enough to come out and ask. She’s clearly met her match and floundering – but her need to get the goss on Jamie is overriding her usual boundaries.

‘I see… so what do you do, Jamie?’

I simultaneously want to give my sister a slapandalso hear the answer, given that I don’t even know this myself.

‘I’m an entrepreneur,’ says Jamie. ‘In the business of start-ups.’

‘Anything I might have heard of?’

‘Unlikely.’ He shakes his head.

‘Have you had much success?’

‘Kayleigh.’ I finally jump in, unable to stomach any more of this. ‘Jamie and I… we need to go. We’re… having lunch.’

‘How lovely.’ She smiles sweetly at me. ‘Anywhere nice? I hear there’s a fabulous new seafood restaurant that’s opened up at Newhaven harbour.’

Like I’d tell you. You’d probably turn up.

‘Nowhere you’d be interested in,’ I reply.

To my relief, Kayleigh’s realised she’s not going to get anything else out of this encounter, so she’s lost interest.

‘Right, yes, I must go, too.’ She gives what I think is meant to be an alluring shake of her raven-coloured hair. ‘Great to meet you, Jamie. I’m sure I’ll see you again soon.’

---