Page 31 of One Night in Edinburgh

This isn’t working. What I really want to do is walk into each bar to see if he’s there, and if not, move on to the next one. However, it’s not fair to drag Anna around like a reluctant King Charles spaniel, so I need to suck it up.

‘How does this sound?’ Anna returns with our drinks, looking enthused. ‘“I’m not a flirt, but I’ll flirt with the idea of meeting someone who’s up for a good time. I have an eye for candy, so don’t get in touch unless you’re delicious.”’

‘Sounds like a cringy contestant fromTake Me Out.’ I raise a questioning eyebrow. ‘What’s it for?’

‘It’s for your profile. It’s fresh, fun and quirky.’

‘AmIfresh, fun and quirky?’

‘You’re definitely fun. When you’re not relentlessly obsessing over your Hogmanay one-night stand.’

‘Ha, ha. Very funny.’ I assume a faux resentful expression. ‘I guess whatever we put on there, it needs to reflect the real me.’

Anna laughs out loud. ‘You havesonever done online dating. Everyone exaggerates or makes themselves sound more appealing. You only have to look at the doctored photos to know that. There are even people who post pictures of someone else on their profiles. That one blows my mind.’

‘You’re really selling this to me here.’ I wrinkle my nose in distaste.

‘It’s fine. Promise. But I need to give you some tips on safe online dating, especially as this is all new to you. There are loads of decent guys on there. Anyway, back to your profile. What are your thoughts?’

‘How about something like… “I’m all give and little take, but I won’t give a taker my time… love the water, love gin (with tonic, not water)… selfies are not part of my world, and I want to keep it that way.”’

‘Love it. It says so much about who you are. Give me it again, and I’ll type it in.’

I repeat what I said as best I can remember, while she taps away at her phone. Then she adds my photos, and shows me her handiwork.

‘Wow, that’s quite cool.’ I take the phone from her and inspect my new profile. ‘So, what happens next?’

‘Wait for the action.’ Anna’s eyes twinkle mischievously. ‘Seriously, if one guy showing you interest on Hogmanay helped you to deal with your breakup, this will do wonders for your confidence. With that photo, you’ll be getting propositioned from all angles. Dick pics galore.’

I nearly spit out my drink. ‘Are you kidding me? I don’t want people sending me pictures of…that.’

‘Par for the course, I’m afraid. Delete and block the senders, then forget about them.’

‘Oh, Anna, what have you gotten me into?’ I feel my head start to spin.

We finish our round and head on to the next bar, then the next and the next, all with no sign of Jamie. By midnight, I’ve accepted defeat. Anna was right: it was a stupid idea – less long shot and more needle in a giant field of multi-storey haystacks.

‘Last round?’ Anna asks tentatively as we stand at the bar waiting to be served.

‘Yeah. That’s enough of this nonsense.’ My face is glum.

‘Sorry, hon. It would have taken some luck for this to have worked out. Same again?’

‘No, I’m G&T’d out. Think I’ll have a beer.’ My eyes seek out the beer fridge, and as I scope out the options, a flash of inspiration hits me as sharply as Voldemort’s killing curse. ‘That’s it.’

‘What’s it?’ Anna looks rightfully puzzled.

‘I know how to find Jamie.’

Chapter 10

‘Steph, hon, I’ve been thinking, this plan of yours… you’ve officially lost the plot.’ Anna shakes her head at me while sawing through a plump pork sausage.

I rest my cutlery on my plate with a frown. ‘I havenot. I’m seeing things very clearly, I’ll have you know.’

It’s the next morning, and Anna, Connor and I are out having Saturday brunch in a cosy little cafe overlooking Newhaven harbour. In some ways, it’s no different to usual: the three of us have hung out a lot over the years, with Anna occasionally bringing along her squeeze of the moment on the rare occasions they’ve made it past the six-week mark with her. However, this is a new dynamic, where we all discuss my love life together, and it’s more than a bit weird. I have warned Anna to keep off the subject, but it seems she can’t help herself.

‘Anyway,’ I continue, ‘you can’t judge what you’ve never known.’

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