Page 23 of One Night in Edinburgh

‘It’s not that he’s a bad guy. He’s just… not right for my wee sister.’ Mikey reaches up and ruffles my hair.

‘Will anyone ever be “right for your wee sister” though?’ I duck out of the way to avoid looking like an unkempt sheep.

‘Yeah. The bloke who’ll step up and give you the future you deserve.’

‘Which is?’

‘A house… keeping you financially comfortable… worshipping you… coming to the pub with me to escape from family stuff like this.’

‘I don’t need someone to keep me financially comfortable. I’m not money obsessed, nor am I a 1950s housewife. And Connor would have come to the pub with you if you’d ever talked to him.’

‘I did talk to him.’ Mikey’s tone becomes defensive.

‘I mean properly. Like blokey banter.’

‘Listen, it’s not my fault we don’t have anything in common.’

‘By that you mean he doesn’t like football – and beer. Not all guys do, Mikey.’ I give him my best schoolteacher look.

‘True. And that’s fair enough, but the thing is, Steph, us guys don’t talk about our feelings and fluffy shit. So those things – football and beer – they’re what creates a proper friendship, you know?’

I raise a scrutinising eyebrow at him. ‘I’ve changed my mind. You’re no Peter Pan, you’re more caveman.’

‘Think you’re funny, eh?’ He prods me in the ribs affectionately. ‘Seriously though, I’m sorry things didn’t work out, but I think it’s for the best.’

‘That makes two of us. Connor’s still one of my closest friends though, so go easy on the jokes.’

‘Noted. Do Mum and Dad know yet? And Kayleigh?’

‘Not yet, so don’t say a word. I’ll tell them when I’m ready.’

‘Scout’s honour.’ Mikey puts two fingers to his head to pledge this.

‘Thanks, Mikey. Guess I’d better go say hi to Mum and Kayleigh.’

I leave him to his carrot peeling and wander through to the kitchen where Mum and Kayleigh are in the throes of dinner preparation. Watching them from the doorway, tattling away to each other over the noise of the food processer in loud, squawky voices, I can see why Mikey has given them a wide berth. I’m even tempted to retreat myself.

As I enter the room, my mum clocks me and switches the processor off. Kayleigh, with her back to me, doesn’t anticipate this, and her voice carries like a foghorn as silence falls across the room.

‘…and it’s so damn typical of her to defend his rudeness— Oh, hi, Steph, you’re here… We were just talking about, um, this, um, woman in my yoga class. You don’t know her,’ she finishes hastily.

This is, of course, a lie. She may not have mentioned any names, but Kayleigh’s hesitation and concocted decoy gave her away in an instant. She was quite obviously talking about me and Connor. I don’t call her out on it though because I can’t be bothered with her petty nonsense, but mainly because I never win in this situation. When it comes to taking Connor apart, my Mum, Dad and Kayleigh are always poised and ready to pounce, and I’m really not in the mood for guerrilla warfare today.

‘Sounds fascinating.’ I opt for an air of sarcasm instead.

‘You finally decided to make an appearance then,’ says my mum.

‘Yes. Here I am.’

‘And Connor?’

‘Not here.’

‘Good thing I didn’t make that quiche in the end,’ she huffs. ‘Would have been a waste of my time.’

‘Sure, whatever.’ I sigh. ‘Anything I can do to help?’

‘It’s all pretty much done. If you’d wanted to help you would have turned up earlier. Interesting how you put so much effort into helping the strays and deadbeats of this world, Steph, but you don’t have time for your own family.’

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