Page 91 of Take a Moment

‘Look around you. There’s almost as many people on this programme from ethnic backgrounds as there are who would tick “White British” on a form.’

‘Sorry… what?’

‘I’m not being racist or anything. It’s just that this whole equality thing seems to be going too far. Take the demographic breakdown of the UK: the majority of people are still white, yet about half this room is not.’

Danielle raises her eyebrows in a gesture of ‘just look around and you’ll see’, and then fixes her attention on the challenges pinned to the board by different coloured magnets.

Her words trickle through my consciousness like bitter, seeping filter coffee. Her comment is completely inappropriate, another clue to her values. She doesn’t approve of homelessness, and it now appears she’s not a fan of diversity-friendly environments, even when everyone on this programme got onto it through merit alone – other than her.

I begin to wonder if she’d be just as scathing of my disability and the support I’ve had. I can certainly imagine a similar statement coming out of her mouth. This stabbing realisation, alongside the fact that I’m struggling a bit today, unfortunately propels me to lose my patience with her.

‘You do realise, Danielle,’ I say quietly, ‘that if you have to start a sentence with a disclaimer, it probably means you’re behaving exactly the way you claim not to be.’

She stops reading the information and stares at me coldly. ‘I didn’t mean anything by it, it was just an observation. Jeez, who made you diversity police?’

‘We all have a responsibility to live by the values of this company, Danielle. Even more so as potential future leaders here on this programme.’

‘Want me to remove that poker from your arse, Alex? Or can you manage yourself? You’re already on the programme, no need for your little act any more.’

‘Excuse me?’ I feel my body flood with angry tension in response to her bitchy remark.

‘Oh, don’t pull that with me,’ she sneers. ‘You make me sick with this Mother-Teresa-of-the-project-management-world thing you’ve got going on. You and Emmanuel: the way you trot around together like some kind of world-saving sisterhood. You’ve got skeletons the same as everyone else in life.No one’sperfect.’

‘Wow, that’s probably the first accurate statement you’ve made today. You’re right, I’m not perfect, but I do try my best – and that involves getting on with people and supporting them, no matter what walk of life they’re from.’

She narrows her eyes at me. ‘Bullshit. You hated me from the moment you met me.I’mfrom a different walk of life – in case you haven’t noticed. It just happens to be a better one than you. That’s how life worked out. You can’t hold it against me.’

‘I don’t. But what Idohold against you is how you behave because of it and the fact you got “Daddy” to get you a place on this programme.’

I’m shaking inside as I deliver this cutting statement, knowing full well I’ve let myself down. After months of holding my own with Danielle, I’ve allowed her to properly get to me, and I feel wretched about it. Especially as I’m here on a programme where I’m supposed to be demonstrating the very best of myself.

‘Everything all right, ladies?’ Terrence appears beside us before Danielle can spit back a response, but I can see from her face that she’s furious.

‘Yes, fine. We’ll take…’ I quickly scan the three challenges and pull one off the whiteboard. ‘…the culture change one. Seems really interesting: looking at our behaviours and what we stand for as an organisation. Right, Danielle?’

Danielle doesn’t miss the underlying message in my choice of task, but all she says in response is ‘whatever’, then she flounces back across to the group.

‘Do I need to be concerned about you two?’ Terrence asks me quietly.

‘No.It’s fine.’ I shake my head, the trembling finally starting to settle. ‘She got to me there, I won’t lie. But I can deal with her.’

‘OK, then. I’m aware of the politics here, and I’m also tuned in to how everyone is feeling about it.’

‘It just doesn’t reflect what this is supposed to be about, and I think that’s bothering people.’

‘I know. Good thing you’re all going to become great leaders who will protect that in the future. Your current CEO won’t be around for ever, you know.’

It’s a verbal nudge, which makes me chuckle.

‘I’m ambitious, Terrence, but CEO is a stretch.’

He looks at me questioningly. ‘Why is that? From what I’ve seen – perhaps minus the last five minutes, but we all have our moments – you’re absolutely the kind of leader an organisation like this needs as CEO. Don’t let the sexual inequality of our current society stand in the way of that.’

‘Oh, don’t worry, I’m not.’

I return to my seat, his words echoing in my mind. It’s not being a woman that will limit my career. Probably more what physical state I’d be in by the time I got close to an opportunity like that. And whether the likes of Danielle can successfully sabotage my career ambitions long before then.

Chapter 31

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