Page 67 of Take a Moment

‘What? No.I’m saying… although it was you who had something life-changing thrown at you, it affected us as well. We were all trying to process it and do what we thought was best, but things got out of control, and our relationship took the brunt of it.’ Dom looks quite cut up as he says this.

My defensiveness wavers a little. I’d never really considered it that way before. I was so consumed by anger and denial that all I could think about was how everyone was getting on my nerves. They were trying to do what they thought was best – no matter how misguided that was. None of us got a manual on how to deal with a degenerative disease. We had to make it up as we went along.

‘I thought you were relieved.’ My voice is close to a whisper, eyes fixed on the floor. ‘It was a get-out-of-jail-free card. Who wouldn’t take that in your situation?’

‘You make it sound so transactional, Lex. You accusemeof going into work mode.’

‘Fair enough. So why are you telling me all this now, Dom? You never said any of this back when it mattered. I haven’t heard from you for ages. Why are you here?’

Dom swallows thickly and fixes his piercing blue eyes on mine. ‘I’m here, Lex, because since we finished, nothing’s been right. It’s like I’ve lost a part of me. I think about you all the time and I want you back. I don’t care what your MS means for our future. We can face it together. I want to be your rock and I want to take care of you. And I still love you – more than you could ever know.’

I feel like the breath’s been sucked out of me. The room blurs as unwanted tears brim. What do I do with this? I’ve been getting on great; created a whole new life for myself. But here, now, with Dom beside me, it’s clear to me that I’m still in love with him too. How could I not be? We were getting married. Our relationship didn’t fizzle out, we just hit a Ben Nevis-sized bump in the road. One that catapulted us in different directions, and now Dom’s found his way back from that. But where am I?

‘Shit, Dom.’ I grab a cushion and clock him with it. ‘What the hell am I meant to do with that?’

‘Say you want to be with me too?’ His handsome features are filled with puppy-dog-like hope.

‘I can’t just… I’ve only…’

Matt’s face suddenly materialises in my mind, paralysing me into silence.

‘Are you still in love with me, Lex?’

‘I’m… yes. Of course I am.’ I look him square in the face. ‘It’s not that simple though. I have a new life here and I actually really love this city.’

‘I’ll move down. I can get a job here, no problem. Birmingham has a big financial district.’

‘I can’t ask you to do that.’

‘You didn’t. I offered.’ He gives me a playful nudge.

‘That is true.’ I shake my head, trying to clear away the jumbled thoughts that have gathered like seagulls to a chip wrapper.

‘Look, I know I’ve turned up out of nowhere and landed this on you. You’ve had no time to digest it. How about I leave you to think about things overnight? I’m staying along by the Mailbox. I could take you for brunch in the morning and we could talk things through a bit more.’

‘The morning… oh, I…’ My head goes into a spin as I remember that’s when Matt and I have our date. ‘What about the evening? Maybe give me a bit more time? Unless you’re flying home before then…?’

Dom’s disappointed but I can see he’s trying to hide it. ‘I’m here til Monday. Took a day off in the hope we could spend tomorrow together. But if you need that time, that’s fine.’

I swallow guiltily. ‘OK, thanks, I appreciate it. Let’s meet later tomorrow then.’

We get up from the sofa and walk to my tiny hallway in silence, both consumed by our own thoughts. I can tell Dom is troubled by me putting him off. I’m certainly feeling guilty enough for doing it, despite him being the one to have turned up unannounced. As I reach for the handle of my apartment door, Dom surprises me by taking my hand. His touch is different to Matt’s: familiar, warm and reassuring. Like a cosy blanket I want to dive under. It sparks something in me and I feel the need to be totally honest with him.

‘Dom, the real reason I asked if we can meet later in the day is because I have a date tomorrow.’

I brace myself for his response.

‘A date?’ He seems genuinely surprised and equally disappointed. ‘Have you known the guy long?’

‘No.We bumped into each other a few times’ – I decide it’s best to leave out the fact that Sasha and I were like a heat-seeking missile trying to track Matt down – ‘and we’ve been on one date. Tomorrow’s our second.’

‘Sure.’ Dom’s face has become unreadable. ‘I suppose I shouldn’t have expected you not to move on. I’ve had a few dates myself. But they just showed me all the more that you were the one.’

He smiles down at me and strokes my hand affectionately with his thumb. My senses respond with the urge to move closer to him, but as I battle to resist doing so, I miss Dom’s advance, and before I know it, he’s lifting my chin with his forefinger and drawing me in for a kiss. We lock together passionately, my body filled with longing for him. It’s just like we used to be – before a big bloody elephant wedged itself between us. I let him wrap his arms round me and pull me into him. Then as suddenly as he kissed me, he pulls away.

‘Oh, I err…’ I stumble backwards, feeling myself colouring a little.

‘I’ve wanted to do that since the moment I walked through the door.’ Dom looks at me and smiles, his feelings on show like merchandise in a shop window.

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