Page 88 of Take a Moment

I clear my throat to stifle a giggle. ‘Yes, well, that’s pretty much the picture and I’ve been really confused.’

‘Why did you break up? You never said before.’

This question cuts through me so sharply I can almost feel the slice. My stomach bubbles with nausea. This is it. I have to tell him about my MS and once I do, I know he’ll never look at me the same again. I take a deep breath, feeling a trembling to my core that quickly extends down my arms right to my fingers.

‘We… we broke up because… because… we weren’t seeing eye to eye and we never addressed the important stuff. Then it all crept up on us before we could deal with it.’

It’s out my mouth before I can stop myself. I can almost see my ‘untruth’ hanging in the air, taunting me for being such a coward. It’s not a complete lie: those elements did factor in my break-up with Dom. I’ve just omitted the catalyst that brought them to light. Now I have one chance to correct myself and tell the full truth.

‘It happens.’ Matt shrugs, and it’s clear he’s not going to probe further. He’s too respectful for that. ‘So, you’re either about to tell me that you’ve chosen to work through these biggies with him, or you’ve decided to take a chance on a Brummie lad.’

‘You’re not angry?’ I ask, bewildered.

‘Why would I be angry? You had a decision to make, you’ve clearly made it, and now you’re about to communicate the outcome. As an engineering professional, I’m quite satisfied with that process. Nice and logical.’

He casually reaches over, picks up his coffee and takes a slug.

‘Right.’ I rub my forehead absently. ‘So, just to check, you’re not mad that I was sort of seeing my ex at the same time as you?’

‘I don’t really see it that way, Alex. I’ve said that I hope there’s a future for us, but I’m also aware that it’s early days, so I don’t have any right to take issue with it.’

‘Does that mean you’ve been dating other women?’

‘No.One at a time is more than enough for me.’

I’m so relieved to hear this, I almost forget I’ve left out the most important part of the conversation.

‘So, are you going to tell me whether I’m in or out?’

‘Yes. Sorry, I…’ My stomach lurches uncomfortably, as if giving me a telling-off for not being totally honest, but I just can’t do it right now. ‘It’s you, Matt. I want to see where this can go too. I told Dom – my ex – that I didn’t want to get back together. He didn’t take it so well.’

‘I bet he didn’t. Look, I’m sorry you had to work your way through that, and I feel bad for your ex, but I’m so glad you’ve chosen me.’

He reaches for my hand and threads his fingers through mine, his brown eyes clearly conveying the feelings he’s described having for me.

‘I am too.’ I firmly shut out my nagging conscience.

‘Does that mean we’re a proper couple then?’

‘I guess it does.’

‘Well, in that case…’ Matt leaps to his feet and scoops me up, grinning like a kid who’s won the biggest teddy at the fair ‘…it’s definitely time for round two. If that’s OK with you?’ he adds, and I laugh as he kisses my nose and heads straight for the bedroom.

‘You didn’t tell him?’ Sasha squeaks in disbelief. ‘But, Lex, why? That was your big opportunity.’

It’s three in the afternoon after a lazy morning in bed with Matt. He’s now away scaling a ‘small’ hill (apparently racing against the sunset), while I’m in Grand Central with Sasha hearing about her fruitless apartment viewings. We’re also enjoying a late lunch together before she takes the train back to Glasgow.

‘I know that, Sash. I missed it. No.I totally avoided it. Couldn’t bear for his view of me to change. And it would, there’s no “maybe” in that.’

Sasha looks genuinely pained as she grabs at her noodles with her chopsticks, letting out a huff of frustration as all but one slither back onto her plate.

‘You want a fork?’ I ask.

‘No.I’m going to learn. I’m not taking the easy way out of anything any more.’

‘That’s good, Sash, but you’ve been at it for ages and you’ve barely eaten any. If you don’t admit defeat, you’ll be making a choice between your new approach to life and your train home.’

‘OK, fine. But I’m going to practise.’

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