Page 68 of Take a Moment

‘I was a little behind you. But I have to admit, that was nice.’

‘Just nice?’

‘Don’t push your luck.’ I give him a look and open my apartment door.

‘Sorry. Couldn’t resist.’

We do an awkward dance-like movement in the tiny space as we manoeuvre ourselves around the door for him to leave.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow then,’ he says, then pauses thoughtfully. ‘This guy you’ve met. Does he know?’

‘Know what?’

‘About your situation?’

I purse my lips, not keen to get into a conversation about Matt. ‘No, it hasn’t come up yet.’

‘Right. Just wondered. See you tomorrow, kitten.’ He gives me his sexy signature wink – the one he only ever used with me – which I can’t help but respond to with a ‘teenage’ grin.

‘Bye, Dom.’

I give a little wave as I close the door, then, after throwing the lock, I let my body slide down the door until I’m sat on the floor with my back against it. What happened? My new life was going so well. It was uncomplicated – as much as it could be. Now Dom’s driven a bloody great train through all that. Him turning up was the last thing I expected and as much as I want to say it doesn’t change a thing, it clearly does. Because – newsflash – I’m still completely in love with him. It was so much easier when I thought he didn’t want me any more. I didn’t think I had a choice. Now he’s willing for me to keep my new life in Birmingham – with him as part of the package.

But what about Matt? Gorgeous Matt, who leaves me almost unable to form a coherent sentence. I haven’t so much as kissed him. I know so little about him. And now I have to decide whether to pick up where I left off with the man I believed to be my soulmate, or gamble everything for what I currently know to be no more than an oxytocin-inducing, heady crush.

Normally I’m a great problem solver. But how can I make that kind of decision in just over twenty-four hours?

Chapter 23

After an agonising Saturday afternoon and evening spent trying to make sense of what’s just happened, I predictably have an unsettled night. This leaves me feeling less than refreshed for my date with Matt the next morning. The good news, however, is that the weather has settled into a nice calm, sunny-but-chill day. While I wait for my buzzer to announce his arrival, my mind resumes whirring over my dilemma like an overworked CPU.

This would be an impossible predicament in any normal set of circumstances: choosing between going back to something that made me so happy pre-diagnosis, and something new and exciting but very much uncharted territory. The outcome of either is impossible to predict. I then have the added uncertainty of my MS.

Dom asked if Matt knew, and throughout the previous day I pondered his motives for this. Was it to give him the upper hand? To knock me off my perch, so I’d see him as the only realistic option? As soon as I think it, I brush these questions aside; that’s not Dom’s style, he wins by putting in the hard work. And his question is a fair one: one I’ve already allowed to get in the way, which Sasha then helped me see beyond. But Sasha’s a romantic. Dom’s more pragmatically minded, like me – though I’ve been wondering recently whether I’m losing my touch. Am I kidding myself thinking this thing with Matt could have any kind of happy ever after?

The buzzer sounds, signalling Matt’s arrival, and I stop dead. Should I make an excuse? This initial instinct matches the logic, no matter what way I look at it. Then my conversation with Sasha floats into my mind: it’s just dating; it doesn’t need to go anywhere.

‘For goodness sake,’ I cry out loud. ‘When did I become this overthinking, indecisive idiot? Just go on the date and don’t think a moment beyond it.’

I grab my bag from the sofa and march out of my apartment, letting Matt know I’m on my way as I do.

‘How are you?’ I greet him as I emerge into the cold air, wrapped up in my grey puffer jacket, scarf and gloves.

He’s leaning casually on the roof of his VW Golf, dressed in similar outdoorsy gear to what he was wearing on the train when we first met. It makes him look so strong and handsome. I feel an immediate flutter in my stomach.

‘I’m great. You?’ He walks round the car and gives me the same electric-shock-inducing greeting as on Friday night – a lingering kiss on the cheek, hand gently touching my upper arm.

‘Bit tired. But otherwise good.’

‘Bad night?’

I immediately regret admitting to this. ‘Didn’t sleep as well as usual. Nothing to bother about.’

‘The fresh air will sort you out. I’ve been on a few walking holidays with the boys and while open campfires and cosy pubs are perfect for beers and banter, you never feel quite as clever the next day. The outdoors clears the thickest of heads.’

He grins at me and opens the passenger door for me. I climb inside and put on my seatbelt.

‘Ready?’ he asks as he gets into the driving seat and starts the car.

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