Page 42 of Take a Moment

‘I’m starving. Was so paranoid about someone stealing my stuff, I didn’t leave my seat at all.’

‘You’re a numpty, Sash.’ I laugh. ‘I’m sure your case would have been fine.’

We take the escalator up to Grand Central, bickering good-naturedly about where to eat before deciding on a Vietnamese restaurant that I’ve been keen to try. Once we’ve ordered, we settle properly into catching up.

‘So, how are things with your mum?’ I’m keen to get this out in the open quickly, so we can chip away at it gradually over the weekend.

Sasha’s face tells me this might not have been such a good idea. Practical, yes. But not necessarily a relaxing start to her weekend away.

‘Sorry, Sash. That’s the last thing I should have led with. You know me, always the problem solver.’

‘No, it’s fine. As much as it’s the most mortifying thing that’s ever happened to me, and I feel utterly betrayed by my own mother, I want to talk about it. Means I can get it off my chest and just enjoy myself.’

We’re interrupted momentarily by the waiter bringing our drinks. We thank him, then continue our conversation.

‘So how are things then?’ I repeat my original question.

‘They’re… weird. She has no idea I saw her. She’s just acting the same, but now I know she’s putting it on, I’m starting to see that she’s a blinking good actress. She could have gotten a role onRiver City.’

‘It’s all a bit ironic really. She’s putting an incredible amount of effort into making sure she doesn’t have to do anything.’

‘Exactly. Now every time I’m in her flat, I’m getting flashbacks to that day. I want to have it out with her, but every time I get close to forming the words, my legs turn to jelly and it’s like I’m going to hyperventilate.’

Sasha looks so morose about this, I feel a burst of anger at her mum that I have to swallow down. ‘You’re anxious about it, I understand that, Sash. Your whole world has been chucked up in the air. I tell you, your mum’s lucky I’m not living in Glasgow any more because I’d have been round there by now.’

‘I know you would have.’ She plays absently with her straw. ‘I kind of wish you would…’

‘I’ll do it over the phone if you want?’

Sasha shakes her head miserably. ‘No, Lex. Thank you. What I was about to say was that I kind of wish you would, but this is my problem to solve. I just need your help to do it.’

‘Well you’ve got it.’ I take her hand across the table and give it a squeeze. ‘I’ll help you figure out how to deal with this – in a way that won’t leave you racked with guilt, because I know what you’re like.’

Our food arrives and we dig into our steaming, aromatic dishes. Mine, a portion of delicious deep-fried pork and prawn spring rolls, and a large bowl of pho noodle soup. Sasha has ordered fresh, herby prawn summer rolls and a chicken noodle curry dish, from which wafts of coconut and lemongrass keep teasing my nostrils.

‘You’re settling in well then?’ Sasha’s not so much asking as prompting me to tell her more.

‘Yeah, I’m loving it here, Sash. Not just because I can be me again – that’s obviously a massive part of it – but also because it’s justso me. It’s fast-paced, busy, lively. And diverse. I feel like I could never not fit in here, if that makes any sense?’

Sasha wrinkles her nose. ‘Not yet. Hopefully by the end of the weekend though.’

‘I hope so too.’ I pause as a thought comes to me. ‘Actually, Sash, I want to apologise to you.’

‘What for?’ She looks up from her curry and I sigh, the weight of what I’m about to admit pressing down on me.

‘For pushing you away in the way that I did. When I was diagnosed and my family were breathing down my neck like a bunch of wildebeests and everything was going to shit with work and Dom’ – I swallow as emotion threatens to clog my throat – ‘all I could see were people getting in my way and treating me differently. I felt so… suffocated.’

‘I know that, Lex.’ Sasha leans forward earnestly. ‘You don’t need to apologise for feeling trapped and overwhelmed. You dealt with it the way you had to.’

I hang my head slightly. ‘That’s fair to a certain extent. But I was so fed up with it all, I was ready to keep everyone who was suffocating me at arm’s length permanently – including you. I let you think you could move down here with me because it made my life easier at the time.’

I hear the air expelling itself from Sasha’s lungs as she digests this blow.

‘Obviously, I was being ridiculously self-indulgent,’ I rush to explain properly. ‘I realise that now and want you to know how sorry I am… and that I doreallywant you to move down. I’ve had to come clean because… you mean so much to me.’

I look up and see Sasha’s eyes are red-rimmed and brimming with tears. She’s quite rightly taking this personally.

‘It’s OK,’ she whispers. ‘Not a big deal.’

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