Page 25 of Take a Moment

‘Mother, Carol, I understand you have concerns. That is natural. You’ve been a great support to me and I do appreciate that very much. But you have your lives to live, and I have mine—’

‘Alex, you’re talking as if you’ve sprained your ankle,’ my mother interrupts. ‘This is MS we’re talking about, a degenerative autoimmune disease that will slowly destroy your body, bit by bit.’

‘I’m aware of that. Though I’m not sure you need to be quite so graphic.’

‘But it’s the reality of this, Alex,’ Carol pitches in. ‘Mum, it’s OK, I can see what’s going on here. This is textbook denial and exactly the kind of behaviour we can expect.’

My mother’s face blooms with realisation and relief. ‘Oh, you are quite right, Carol, which means why didn’t we think of this before… we need to—’

‘Get Alex a counsellor to help her work through this.’

As I watch them wind each other up, I suddenly feel exhausted. Though I expected this kind of ridiculous behaviour, I felt more prepared for it in my head. Now, here, in the brightly lit restaurant, with the waiting staff bustling around me, I feel my composure start to slip. I steal a look towards Sasha and instantly regret doing so – she’s reflecting back similar concern. I take a moment to arrange my thoughts, then straighten up in my chair and push my plate away from me.

‘Mother, Carol, once again, I appreciate your concern. But I’ve considered this very carefully, and it’s something I’m going to do, I’m afraid to say: whether you like it or—’

‘But it’s totally absurd, Alex.’ My mother’s tone is dismissive. ‘If you can’t see that then you’re obviously—’

John places a calming hand on my mother’s shoulder, silencing her. ‘Isabel, how about you let Alex explain?’

My mother flinches, clearly unhappy at the suggestion, but she stays quiet. Carol looks like she’s ready to let loose again, but she respects John’s request.

‘Thank you.’ I give them all an appreciative smile. ‘Before my diagnosis, I was flying high. I was acing my career, getting married, everything was amazing…’

I suddenly feel a swell of emotion in my throat and I swallow aggressively to avoid showing any weakness that could be misconstrued.

‘Now, all that’s changed,’ I continue. ‘Because of a stupid diagnosis. If you both know me as well as you think you do, then you’ll understand that I can’t and won’t be defined by my MS. I’m ill, not ninety. I need my independence back and the only way to do that is to start afresh, somewhere I won’t be mollycoddled by generally well-meaning but overbearing, overprotective and highly risk-averse people.’

As I finish my well-practised speech, I look round the table at the abandoned starters, realising it wasn’t such a good idea to do this over lunch. A waste of food and money. Then I look up into the dumbstruck faces of my mother and sister and see my message has well and truly hit home.

‘Look, I’m sorry to sound harsh but this is happening,’ I say to them. ‘I’m a grown woman and it’s my decision. I’d rather do it with your support, but if it comes to it, I’ll do it without it.’

‘Right, well.’ My mother snatches up her bag, yanks on her camel cashmere cardigan and gets to her feet.

‘Where are you going?’ I look at her incredulously.

‘I’m leaving, Alex. Just like you. I assume you don’t expect to be part of my decision, given I wasn’t involved in yours.’

This I was not expecting. Neither was John, apparently. He reaches for my mother’s hand, but she flicks him away.

‘But… hang on, this is ridiculous,’ I protest. ‘We haven’t even had our main course yet.’

‘No.Shame really.’ She looks genuinely disappointed by this. ‘I was quite looking forward to the sea trout. They do it so well here.’

‘Isabel, please?’ John appeals to my mother in a last-ditch attempt to get her to stay.

‘No, John.’ Her voice is almost a whisper but her message is strong. ‘Not this time. My daughter has carefully planned this event to keep me out of her life. I wouldneverhave done the same to her. You can tell her she can get in touch once she wakes up from this silly fantasy and is ready to discuss a realistic plan for her future.’

I’m shocked to the core as I watch my mother exit the restaurant, careful to remain composed while there’s the possibility of eyes on her. As I watch her go, Carol scrambles to her feet. She looks at me with venom.

‘Well done, brat. You’ve always been so blinkin’ selfish.’

Less bothered about making a scene, she gallops off after my mother, as the restaurant comes to a standstill and forty pairs of eyes land on our table.

‘Well, that went well.’ John chuckles, more out of discomfort than amusement. ‘Perhaps I’d better go as well. I’ve got the car keys.’

‘I’m so sorry about that, John.’ I chew my lip in discomfort. ‘I genuinely thought coming here would allow for a calmer, more constructive conversation.’

‘She’ll calm down. Just give her some time. Can I pay towards the bill?’

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