Page 22 of Take a Moment

‘Well, no one’s asking you to,’ I spit back. ‘I never wanted to be treated like a patient.Youturned me into one.’

‘That may be the case to a certain extent, but thingshavechanged, Lex. You need to wake up and start accepting this situation because I’m not sure I’ve got the energy to take much more.’

This statement takes me to boiling point. ‘Accept it?Oh, I’vebloodyaccepted it, Dom. I’ve got no sodding choice. What I can’t accept is being treated like I might fall over if there’s a slight breeze outside. I can look after myself.’

‘But that’s the thing, Lex,’ Dom roars back at me, his face contorted with rage. ‘You can’t. Not when you’re like you’ve been the last few months. If I’m going to look after you at these times – yes, I know that’s hard to hear, but it’s the reality – I suggest you learn to accept the help more gracefully, because otherwise—’

‘Otherwise what?’ I stare him out defiantly as his gaze drops to the floor and he wrestles with his thoughts, clearly trying to stop his temper from exploding again.

After a few moments, he looks me straight in the eye.

‘You know what, Alex?’ His tone is ominously calm and even. ‘I didn’t sign up for this.’

This blow is so hard because it’s not been thrown at me in a blind hot rage. He’s had this thought more than once.

Without another word he gets up and stalks out of the room. I hear him angrily grab his car keys, then the main door of the apartment opens and slams so hard it shakes the apartment – and me – to the core; and he’s gone.

Chapter 9

Two months later, I’m sat in a hipster-style cafe in the West End opposite Sasha, while torrential rain lashes the pavement unforgivingly outside. Tears track her cheeks as she watches the passers-by hurrying past, trying to dodge the streams of water rushing around their feet.

‘Sash, you understand why I have to do this, don’t you?’ My eyes seek out hers, but her gaze remains where it is. ‘Sash, please?’

She finally looks at me, eyes red-rimmed and slightly bloodshot. I feel a stab to my heart as I see what I’m doing to her, but there’s no room for guilt here. This is about having a future I can bear; perhaps even look forward to.

‘Of course, I understand, Lex. I know you better than anyone, but it doesn’t mean I like it or that I won’t worry about you.’ Her glassy eyes probe mine. ‘It’s like you’re rejecting everyone who loves you when you need them the most: your mum, John, your sister, me… Dom.’

‘Please don’t bring him up. Dom made it perfectly clear how he felt; it wasn’t what he signed up for.’ There’s a slight wobble to my voice and I realise I need to change the subject quickly. ‘All I’m doing, Sash, is making sure I can live my life on my terms. I can’t do that here. My colleagues treat me like I’ll crumble to dust at the slightest thing, and my mother and Carol are suffocating the life out of me.’

Within this outpouring, I omit the fact that Sasha herself, with her well-cultivated worry farm, has also not helped the situation.

She sighs and shrugs helplessly, unable to refute my case. I reach out and take her hand as a bolt of lightning pierces the sky outside, followed by an ominous cracking and deep rumble of thunder.

‘What about when you have a relapse?’ she asks. ‘What will you do?’

‘You know they have the NHS in Birmingham too, right? It’s not like I’m emigrating to the US without health insurance.’

‘I mean, if you’re struggling…’ Sasha chews her lip anxiously. ‘Who’s going to do your shopping? And what about work – you really think they manage sickness absence differently south of the border?’

‘Don’t worry, I’ve thought all that through. Soon as I hear back about this job, you’ll be the first to know. Just trust me.’

We sit silently for a moment. Sasha looks deeply hurt. This doesn’t surprise me, given I haven’t shared any of this plan with her until today, but that’s how I’ve discovered I must now operate. Everyone’s so quick to tell me what I cannot, must not, should not do, so I now share information on a need-to-know basis. I’m only telling Sasha now because it’s almost signed and sealed, and I need her on side when I take the dreaded step of sharing it with my mother and Carol.

‘I’m not just worried about your health situation.’ Sasha breaks the silence between us. ‘I’m going to miss you so much.’

Feeling unexpectedly overwhelmed by emotion, I take a deep breath to steady myself. As much as Sasha’s recent worrying and overprotectiveness has frustrated me, she’s still my best friend in the world.

‘I know, Sash.’ I stare into my empty coffee cup and try to compose myself. ‘But I can’t live like this. I’ll lose my head if I have to endure—’

I’m silenced as my iPhone bursts into life. I look down and see a Birmingham number illuminated on the screen.

‘Sorry, just give me a moment.’ I answer the call. ‘Hello, this is Alex speaking.’

‘Hi, Alex. It’s Jim from New Horizons,’ says the caller.

‘Hi, Jim. I hope you’re calling with good news?’

I wince as Sasha resumes staring out of the window miserably.

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