Page 110 of The Gin Lover's Guide to Dating

‘Oh, right, of course.’ I suddenly flush with embarrassment.

‘I was joking.’ He raises an eyebrow at me.

‘Right, yeah, I knew that.’ I hide behind my drink once more, hoping this awkward moment will pass quickly.

‘Well, I won’t keep you any longer.’ Aaron pulls out his laptop and sets it down next to his drink. ‘I’ve got a few emails to send before an evening appointment. I’ll let you get back to your research – assuming you’re not just here drinking alone for the sake of it.’

‘No, I’m not.’ I laugh. ‘Definitely not. Lots of research to do.’

We both appear to immerse ourselves in our work. At first I find it difficult to concentrate. Aaron’s words play back in my mind. As much as I love this new world I’m part of, and I’ll definitely keep pursuing it, I sometimes have moments of doubt that I can pull it off. Aaron’s endorsement of my new career choice means more to me than he can possibly understand.

Eventually, I settle into watching the goings-on in the bar, while scribbling lots of notes, and contemplating how I can use the attractive festive setting of the bar in my next blog post. After a while, I almost forget Aaron’s there. There’s so much going on that I barely pause for thought in between jotting down ideas.

I’m so lost in my work that I almost miss my phone lighting up with a new message. Still engrossed in my blog-related thoughts, I pick it up absently, assuming it’s a message from Dylan or from Reyes on her break. But when I unlock my screen, my heart jumps. It’s an alert from my blog chat app, and the message is from Graham.

Goosebumps break out all over my body as I quickly open it up and read it in full.

GrahamLeeton:How are you, MissGinFizz? I know it’s been a long time and I have a lot of explaining to do, but I’m hoping you’ll hear me out.

I stare at the screen, my pulse thumping between my ears, a whole mishmash of thoughts and reactions swimming through my mind. He’s back? From what? How am I supposed to feel about this? Should I be angry with him for disappearing the way he did, and leaving me feeling so empty? I was really hurt, that’s for sure.

With curiosity overriding my emotions, I decide I need to know where he’s been before I can decide how I feel about all this. What was so delicate and important that he had to cut all contact with me, just like that? Should I make him wait and let him feel some of what I felt? Oh, who are you kidding, Liv?

I tap out a response, opting for blasé as an opener.

MissGinFizz:Oh, hello stranger. I’m good thanks. How have you been?

He replies with a longer message that comes through so quickly, he must have been writing it before I even responded.

GrahamLeeton:You don’t need to pretend. If you had done what I did, I would have been really hurt. Being left with all those unanswered questions. And I would have missed you terribly. Even though I was the one who chose to disappear, I still missed you.

I stare at the screen. How do I respond to that? How do I even feel about that? Of course, I’m hurt. I’ve never stopped hurting. But am I angry with him? It’s not a feeling I recognise when I think about Graham. Perhaps I should have been royally pissed off, but the overriding feeling was one of sadness and loss.

Feeling myself becoming emotional, I take a moment to try and compose myself. I glance over at Aaron, who’s putting away his laptop and getting ready to leave. He looks over and catches my eye.

‘It was nice to see you, Liv. Have a good Christmas.’

‘Same to you, Aaron.’ I drag my attention away from my phone and smile at him. ‘Thanks again for being so understanding. I hope I’ll see you around.’

‘I’m sure our paths will cross again.’ He gives me a little nod, and then walks away.

Once he’s gone, I look down at the screen in my hand, reading Graham’s message again. He missed me terribly? Why would he say that if he didn’t mean it? I realise that, much as it may make me vulnerable again, I need to hear his explanation. I need to be honest with him, and tell him how much I’ve missed him too. But not like this.

I compose and send my response.

MissGinFizz:OK, I was hurt. I’m still hurt. I will let you explain, but on one condition – you do it in person.

I sit back in my seat, feeling a little shaky inside. What if he says no? And I get the same excuse as before. I don’t think I could handle that. I impatiently tap my fingers on the table, and on spotting my half-drunk gin and tonic, grab it and sink the rest of it. There. At least that will numb the pain if he lets me down again.

After three or four minutes, I’m starting to panic. Have I scared him off already? Maybe he was hoping we could have just continued chatting online again, without the immediate demand of meeting in person. Just as I’m beginning to wonder if I should have taken a softer approach, my phone lights up. Grabbing it, I drink in his response.

GrahamLeeton:OK, deal. Will you join me for dinner – right now?

As I’m staring in astonishment at the words in front of me, another message pops up on my screen with the name and address of a restaurant and a selfie – of him.

‘What the…?’ I gasp loudly, suddenly bursting with disbelief and emotion.

The new occupiers of the table next to me give me an odd look.

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