Page 81 of The Gin Lover's Guide to Dating

‘That’s right,’ says Amir. ‘Just the four of us.’

‘Great to have you.’ The man beams. ‘I’m Alan. I’m the owner of the distillery. Our tours are usually done by Steph, our dedicated distillery tour guide, but I’ll be taking you round today. How was your journey?’

‘Fine, thanks.’ Amir continues to act as spokesperson. ‘We’re really looking forward to this. We specialise in gin in one of our bars, as you know, so we’re keen to learn more about how it’s made – to be properly in the know. We have quite a few high-net-worth customers from abroad, and they ask a lot of questions; gin being the big thing these days.’

‘That it is,’ Alan booms, nodding overzealously. ‘Predictions are that gin exports from Scotland will soon surpass those of whisky. Well, you’ve come to the right place. I can fill you in on all you need to know. Just follow me and we’ll get started. Would you like a tea or coffee?’

He takes our preferences, passes them on to a female colleague who looks like she may be his wife, then leads us through to a small room set up like a theatre, inviting us to take a seat in the front row.

‘So, the format for today’s visit is this.’ Alan is standing in front of us, gesturing theatrically. ‘I’ll give you a short overview of the history of gin, and the strong roots its production now has in Scotland. Then I’ll take you round the distillery and explain the production process. You’ll get to see some of the real action there. And then we’ll finish with a tasting session. How does that sound?’

‘Sounds great!’ Amir’s ears prick up on hearing we’re getting a tasting. ‘Bad luck, Josh. As you’re the driver, I’ll have to drink yours.’

Josh sits forward, about to backchat Amir, when Alan jumps in and addresses Josh.

‘Not at all, son. We can’t have you missing out. You can take a couple of miniatures away with you – on the house.’

‘Really? Thanks, Alan.’ Josh looks mighty pleased with this arrangement, firing a ‘burned’ look back at a deflated Amir.

As Alan turns away to receive a tray of tea and coffee, Reyes leans in towards me conspiratorially.

‘Chica, I am liking this hombre.’

‘What, Alan?’ I whisper in disbelief. ‘You fancy Alan? He must be about fifty-five – at least.’

‘Then he has good experience. This is better.’ Reyes’s eyes twinkle mischievously. ‘The red hair is sexy. He is sexy Scotsman.’

I have to stifle a giggle as a rather disconcerting image of Reyes and Alan together materialises in my mind.

‘You seem to have quite a broad taste in men,’ I mutter under my breath. ‘And for a married woman, you certainly seem to like to look.’

‘Looking is not touching.’ Reyes shrugs, unconcerned.

I shake my head in incredulity as I watch what I consider to be a somewhat clumsy Alan hand out the hot drinks. No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot make the gigantic leap to sexy Scotsman. I decide Reyes must be blinded by the highland dress. A rookie error, but a common one.

‘Right, let’s get started,’ Alan announces, once we’re all sipping away at our drinks. ‘A quick quiz. From which country is gin widely believed to have originated?’

Amir’s hand shoots up.

‘Yes?’ Alan prompts him.

‘The Netherlands. Its precursor was called genever.’

‘That’s right, son.’ Alan looks impressed. ‘In fact, the invention of gin is not totally clear. It is, however, claimed by the Dutch, the British, the Flemish and even the Italians. OK, one more question. What’s the main ingredient in gin that gives it its unique flavour?’

Amir’s hand shoots up again, but this time he doesn’t wait to be prompted.

‘Juniper berries!’

‘Correct again.’ Alan beams at Amir. ‘You seem to know your stuff, son. Perhaps you should take over from me.’

It’s plain that Alan is joking, but Amir looks elated by this comment. The rest of us stare at Amir with distaste for being such a suck.

‘Teacher’s pet.’ Josh covers up his name-calling with a fake cough, causing me to snort with laughter, then sink down in my seat in embarrassment.

Alan simply smiles at us jovially, clearly having missed the joke. I will him to speed up. This visit is getting more and more weird – and more and more like a high school field trip. The difference being that we’re allowed the alcohol at the end.

An hour and a half later, our tour of the Greenlaw Gin Distillery is complete and we’ve settled into seats in the tasting room: a generous space that benefits from the timeless beauty of traditional architecture, while having been tastefully decked out with more contemporary furniture and fittings. A colourful modern-looking tartan plays a key role in the décor, and to complete the effect, low-level Scottish country dance music frolics from the speakers in the corners of the room. Alan is over at the bar, consulting with one of his employees over the different tasting combinations he wants to offer.

---