Page 87 of Between the Blue
“Just…” he cuts me off, holding up his hands. “Stop. I’m not going to say please.”
He reaches for his tie, loosening it some as he spins on his heel to head for the locker room. I start after him. “Ben–”
“Addie?”
I spin around, seeing Rick Nilsen just up the hall, his hands in his pockets.
“Can I see you for a minute?”
twenty-four
HIM, THIRTEEN YEARS EARLIER
I have to walk away from her.
It’s the last thing I want to do, but I don’t have a choice.
Because summer only lasts so long. And it’s even shorter when you’re a college athlete.
Today is the day. The day I head to Toronto.
The day I leave her.
But only physically.
She’s with me everywhere I go. I have no choice in that.
I only wish it wasn’t just in my mind.
Jules meant what she said. No university for her.
I respect it. She wants what she wants.
But it's so hard when what I want most is her. And what she wants most is here.
Sometimes, I wonder.
I question if there’s not more for her. If she doesn’t desire anything else. It’s just a little hard to grasp. The way the most free spirited person I know seems to be the most firmly planted.
I get it. She loves her family. So do I. But sometimes life brings you elsewhere. In some ways, I feel like it’s supposed to.
Right?
I can’t lie. A secret part of me wishes she wanted more. For her sake. But, at the end of the day, it’s her life. And I guess I don’t mind if she insists she doesn’t want more.
As long as she still wants me.
“I guess that’s it,” Jules says as I close my trunk.
“It doesn’t have to be,” I tell her. Look through the back window of my car. “I’m sure we could still squeeze you in there.”
“I’m not really the type of girl you just squeeze in.”
I look back at her. Kinda frown. Can’t help it. Not sure if she meant for a double meaning to go with that.
Am I just squeezing her in?
To both the trunk and my life?
