Page 194 of Between the Blue
She leaves it open behind her. Just enough that I can see her.
I expect her to turn down the hall towards Jules’s room, but she doesn’t.
Instead, she goes into what I know is the master bedroom. The one she and Mr. Gold stay in.
And my brain suddenly doesn’t feel connected to the rest of my body. I’m so confused. I’m trying to understand what I missed. What she didn’t tell me. What I was too stupid to not see.
I register the front door being pushed open in front of me again.
“She’s ready for you.”
Ms. Gold motions me inside the house.
Ready for me?
I don’t remember telling them to, but my feet move.
Through the foyer. Down the hall. And to the bedroom door.
And when I open it, I’m confused at first.
She’s in bed.
It’s nearly five in the evening.
Why would she be in bed?
Maybe she’s sick, I think to myself.
And then I hear her inhale.
When you love someone like I loved Jules– like Iloveher–you know everything about them. Even down to the way they breathe.
And, even from across the room, it doesn’t sound right.
It takes me aback.
And then I scan the scene.
Notice the things in the room that shouldn’t be there.
The things that don’t make sense.
I walk closer.
And in the most cruelly cinematic way, as if my very life is a tragedy made just for other people to feel something, the sunlight shifts. Casts directly over Jules.
And I’m nearly brought to my knees.
“Jules.”
“Hi, Ben,” she says.
Her voice is weak. Like it’s not even hers.
I don’t know if it is anymore.
I stumble forward. Do fall to my knees then. Grapple for her. She takes my hand.
