Page 191 of Between the Blue
“I just… What you overheard…” He blows a breath out of his nose. “It’s not what you think, Cherry.”
I cross my arms. “So you haven’t been thinking about another woman the entire time you’ve been around me?”
Ben’s spine steels.
I step closer to him.
“So you haven’t been a jealous, unfair prick, getting your knuckles bloody over any guy that looks at me while you’ve been hiding feelings for another girl this whole time?”
His lips press together.
“So you haven’t treated me like a complete asshole because of what someone else did to you, taking your emotions out on meand letting me feel every bit of that pain like I deserved it?” I ask him, my voice cracking.
His jaw flexes.
I can feel the angry tears welling in the corners of my eyes as I ask, “So you haven’t been stringing me along, letting me slowly give you every piece of my heart until there’s nothing left, when you already gave all of yours away?”
Ben shakes his head slowly.
I raise my chin, locking eyes with him. “So you don’t think of her when you look at me?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about–”
“So you don’t still love Julia?”
Ben lunges forward, grabbing me by the shoulders and pressing me against my front door. “Please, Cherry. Just stop,” he begs. “Just stop.”
I look up at him, seeing his chin quiver as he tries unsuccessfully to mask the pain in his eyes.
“What do you want from me, Ben?”
His throat bobs, his gaze heavy on my face. “Everything I can’t let myself have.”
My throat suddenly feels very tight.
“Tell me about her.”
Ben shakes his head, slow and steady.
“Did she break your heart?” I ask.
Ben’s head stops shaking, dropping low. “No,” he utters, his voice strained. “I did that myself.” He sniffs, raising his chin to look at me. “It’s what I’m best at. Breaking people.”
“That’s not true,” I exhale.
“It is, Cherry,” Ben insists, wincing. “Goddammit, look at us.”
I swallow hard, trying to blink away the burning in my eyes.
“You’re never gonna get over her, are you?” I whisper.
Ben rolls his lips into his mouth, and he stares at me for a heavy moment before his gaze shifts to the side. He removes oneof his hands from my shoulders, running a strand of my hair between two of his fingers. As he watches the motion, a tear escapes from the corner of his eye.
“No,” he mutters, shaking his head.
I take a deep breath, letting my eyes fall shut. “Okay, then,” I exhale, my voice barely audible.
And when I open my eyes again, Ben is staring deeply into them. “I’m sorry,” he says, his tone pained, but so genuine.
