Page 113 of Between the Blue

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thirty-one

HIM, TWELVE YEARS EARLIER

I forget who I am at times.

That’s never been a problem for me before.

But lately, it’s like I’m just going through the motions.

One practice at a time. One period at a time. One game at a time.

And onto the next.

I know I should feel more present. That I shouldn’t be lost in my head like this. That I should think more about what it is I have.

Well, everything else.

Because it’s something so many would kill for.

I’m on a winning team.

And I’m on it with my best friend.

Toronto is the talk of the college hockey world. Sutty and I are dominating. We’re each great players on our own. But, somehow, we’re better together.

I’m controlled where he’s chaos. He’s loud where I’m quiet. I’m reserved where he’s celebrating. He’s innovative where I’m classic. We’re balance. And people are taking notice.

They’re calling us the dynamic duo. We’re only freshmen and people are already talking about us as NHL prospects.

It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

This season is a dream.

I should want it to last forever.

My body is in check. It’s a well-oiled machine. It knows what to do. It’s been doing this nearly my entire life. It’s all muscle memory at this point. Like running on autopilot.

Yeah, my body is all there.

But my brain is a clouded mess.

And my heart…

It’s just not in it.

Not like it has been.

Because it’s somewhere else.

I can’t stop thinking about her.

Jules.

Phone calls and monthly visits help.

But they aren’t enough.

I remember something from back in school.

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