Page 204 of Between the Blue

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“For as long as I can remember.”

“Then I don’t know what more there is to say,” he tells me, his voice toneless. “What do you want me to say?”

“Your thoughts.”

“My thoughts?”

I nod, then take a step closer to him. “All of them. Even the crazy ones.”

“What do you mean?”

I throw my hands in the air, my frustration bubbling over. “I don’t know. Like telling me you’ll miss me. That you don’t want me to go. Hell, maybe even asking me to stay–”

“I would never ask you to stay.”

My head pulls back.

“But even if I would,” Ben continues, closing the distance between us, “would you?”

I look up at him, my vision clouding. “No,” I breathe.

His eyes flick between my own before he finally says, “Good.”

I don’t say anything more, because I don’t think I know how. I just look at him. I look at him for so long.

Ben looks back at me for a while, but then he breaks my gaze, his throat bobbing.

It’s like some force pushes him backwards towards his car. He doesn’t look me in the eyes as he opens the door.

“I’ll see you around, Cherry.”

And then he gets inside, starts the car, and drives away.

fifty-four

HIM, TODAY

I drive away.

Grit my teeth the whole way out of the parking garage.

By the time I hit the main road, it feels like my teeth may crack.

So I bite down on my fist instead.

I taste blood.

I don’t care.

Because it's the only thing keeping me from turning back.

From going back.

To her.

Addison.

I don’t know how this happened.

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