Page 201 of Between the Blue
And then the very last time.
And, right away, everything just feels so heavy. Like it’s all crashing down at once.
For the last six months, he’s been my sun. My warmth. My energy. The first thing I see when I wake up. The gravitational force keeping the solar system of my routine in check. Everything that’s been me has revolved around him.
But now he’s gone.
And I need to remember what has always been my sun.
My passion. My purpose.
It’s always been this.
I have to listen to my mind over my heart.
And, just like that, I hear my Nana’s voice in my head once again.
The first step of moving on is to move.
“Addison,” Natasha begins, “I know this is a big decision, and not a conversation you were prepared to have this morning. So I understand if you may need a day or two to think about it–”
“No,” I whisper, cutting her off.
“I’m sorry?” Natasha says.
“I don’t need to think about it.”
fifty-three
HER
I check one last time to make sure I didn’t miss anything.
I open each of the drawers of my little desk one at a time, giving them one last glance. And then, finally, I grab the framed photo I brought of me and Nana and my calendar from the top of the desk, plopping them down into the cardboard box with the rest of my things.
I blow out a breath, looking over everything, then glance at the clock on the wall.
It’s well past the end of practice.
But maybe I should just check the drawers one more time…
I start to reach for them, then stop myself, shaking my head.
It’s time to go.
I balance the cardboard box against my hip while I sling my tote bag over my shoulder.
I stop by Rick’s office, giving him a wave and telling him thank you for the tenth time on my way out.
And, even though I tell myself I’m not going to, I pause when my hand finds the door handle.
I only let myself count to three before I open it, pushing myself out into the hallway.
I immediately turn towards the direction of the parking garage, keeping my eyes on the floor as I take off in a speed walk.
But, just before the glass windows end, I force myself to slow down and turn my head.
I look inside the practice rink.
