Page 180 of Between the Blue
“Friends?”
She ignores my comment.
“My home is here. My family is here. What I want is here. What I need. It always has been.” She crosses her arms. “That doesn’t just change because you got a job offer in another country.”
“Ajob offer?”
I scoff out a laugh. But there’s no humor in it.
“Jules…this is so much more than that. I mean, this is once in a lifetime. A one in a million chance. This…is everything I’ve ever wanted.”
“I know that.”
You just don’t care, I want to say, but don’t.
Because I don’t want to be mean to her. I don’t want to fight with her. I don’t want to push her any further away than I clearly already have.
“But, Jules,” I say, “so are you.” I step closer to her. “And maybe it makes me selfish, but I want both. I want to be in the NHL. But I want you there just as much. I want you anywhere I am. And I know that requires sacrifice from you, but I have to ask for it. Because, if you say yes, if you come with me, I promise I’ll take care of you forever. We can visit home as much as possible. You’ll never have to work a day in your life. I’ll do whatever it takes. Just, please, Jules. I need you. I want you. Now. Forever. I…Fuck. I love yo–”
She covers my mouth with her hand.
My brows pull together in frustration.
I see the tears shining in her eyes.
I pull her hand away.
“Let me say it,” I beg. “After all this time, goddammit, let me say it.”
“There’s no point,” she breathes.
“Because you won’t say it back?”
She swallows.
But she doesn’t answer.
Which is an answer in itself.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I ask her.
Her lips roll into her mouth, then she drops her head onto my chest.
And even though I’m furious with her, I wrap my arms around her.
Because something tells me I won’t get another chance to do it.
And you don’t get over feelings that strong that quickly.
At least I don’t.
I don’t know that I ever will.
“Jules, what is this? What are we? What have we ever been?”
She makes a sniffling sound.
“I don’t know,” she eventually says. “But what I do know is…I would never ask you to stay here. So you can’t ask me to go.”
