Page 265 of Something Rad
My throat tightens further, and I know it’s to keep down the rest of the words threatening to spill out of my mouth. The ones telling her that I’ve had the same exact fears. The ones that tell her I’m not sure Alice is entirely off.
I should say them.
If I cared about her, I’d say them.
That’s what love’s all about, right? Putting someone else and their needs before your own? Being honest with them even if it hurts both of you in the process?
I should talk to her.
But I can’t right now.
Because the thought of losing her has a knife twisting into my gut.
Cooper clears her throat, seemingly trying to break the silence we’ve found ourselves in. “Yeah, well, anyways,” she chuckles uncomfortably. “I’m gonna need something a lot stronger than punch if we’re going to keep talking about this.”
I blow a deep, measured breath out of my nose.
“I…” I reach out, holding Cooper’s face in my hand. She tilts her head into my touch, meeting my eyes with a small smile. “I need to go to the restroom real quick,” I mutter. “Meet you right back here?”
“Sure,” she says. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I nod slowly, forcing a quick smile on my face. I start to pull away, but then, though I’m not sure what compels me to do it, I pull Cooper close, pressing a firm kiss to her lips. It’s not the type of kiss you give someone that you know you’ll be seeing again in five minutes. Neither is the one I press to her forehead for good measure before dropping my hand and practically bolting for the gym doors.
I burst out of the blue metal doors, loosening my tie around my neck as I speed walk towards the restroom. I’m not sure why I’m going there. I don’t need to use it. I just knew that I needed to get out of that gym. Just for a few minutes. With the fire and ice coming at me from every angle, I started to feel like I was experiencing the effects of a fever, my skin warm and coated in a sheen of perspiration but my insides wracking with shivers and aching like there’s ice in my joints.
When I reach the bathroom, I make a beeline for the sink, turning on the faucet and splashing water over my face within seconds of entering the room.
I’m running my hands down my face, pressing the heels of my palms against my eyes when I hear the sounds of flushes happening in succession behind me. I drop my hands to either side of the sink, glancing up into the mirror to find Jesse leaving the row of urinals and heading for the sinks.
Then Paul comes into view, following him.
I drop my head, blowing out a breath as I turn the sink back on, washing my hands to make myself look busy.
I can see the shift in Jesse’s body as he approaches the sink next to me and realizes I’m here. “Hey, Rob,” he says.
I look up. “Hey, man.”
Paul moves to the sink next to Jesse, turning it on and beginning to wash his hands, not acknowledging me.
Jesse doesn’t say anything else, just giving me a nod before he tosses the paper towel he was drying his hands with into the trash can and leaves the bathroom.
I continue washing my hands, waiting for Paul to leave. It takes me three pumps of soap though before I realize the water at his sink isn’t running anymore and that he’s just leaning against it, lingering.
I finally look at him, giving him what he obviously wants. “What?” I question him.
He tilts his head at me, his dirty blonde brows furrowing. “Rough night?” he asks.
“No,” I say evenly, moving around him to grab a paper towel.
Paul’s body turns, following my movement. “Really?” he asks, concern in his tone that I can only recognize as fake because I’ve known him for over a decade. “It just seemed like you might be going through something.”
“Well, I’m not,” I say, my voice clipped.
I wad up my paper towel into a far tighter ball than necessary, throwing it into the trash can with an equal amount of aggression as Paul watches me, his facial expression passive. His eyes search my face for a moment before he stands up straight, uncrossing his arms.
“Oh, well, okay then,” he shrugs, walking around me to head for the door.
I shake my head, wondering what the hell any of that was about, before spinning around to leave as well. Only, I find Paul in the doorway, blocking my way.
