Page 151 of Something Rad
“Seriously?” Cooper questions, looking up at me.
“Yep. Everybody goes. It always gets pretty crazy.”
Cooper lets out a heavy sigh, her mouth twisting to the side. “So, we should probably go.”
“Yeah, I want to go.”
Cooper stiffens in her seat. She shifts slightly away from me, looking down and fidgeting with her sweatshirt. “Then you should go,” she says.
“And what about you?” I ask.
“Oh, well, if you think it’ll look best if I go with you…to keep sellingus. It’s up to you. Or if you just want to call it off a couple weeks earlier. It doesn’t matter–”
“Cooper,” I cut her off, grabbing her knee to stop her turning away from me any further. “Let me rephrase. I want to go to Denise’s party,” I pause, waiting until she meets my eyes, “with you.”
Cooper’s eyes flick between my own, reflecting the gray and blue of her outfit and looking like the most complex set of stormy skies I’ve ever seen. “Okay,” she says softly. “If that’s what you want.”
I tilt my head at her. “What doyouwant?”
Her lips part, and I find myself glancing down at them. When my eyes return to hers, I find her looking down at mine. I notice a faint flush of color appearing across her cheeks, and it hits me right then how much she reminds me of Cherry Valance fromThe Outsiders. In fact, physically, you could believe they’re sisters. Same copper red hair and big doe eyes. Same fair skin and full, heart-shaped lips.Yeah, the physical features are all there. But I know, more than anything…she’s got the same fire as Cherry. She’s no cheerleader, and she definitely isn’t the most popular girl in school, but she doesn’t need any of that. She has the same strong-willed attitude. The same short fuse and refusal to back down. Seeing as this is my favorite movie, I’m confused how it took me this long to make the connection.
I’m not sure when I reached for it, but it suddenly occurs to me that I’m twirling a strand of Cooper’s hair in between my fingers. I look up from my hand to meet her eyes again. She takes an unsteady breath like she’s about to say something, but she doesn’t get a chance to, both of our heads turning towards the TV at the familiar sound ofStay Goldby Stevie Wonder and the opening credits ofThe Outsidersbegin.
We both snap apart, Cooper’s hair falling from my fingers and both of our backs hitting the couch like it’s a fridge and we’re heavy duty magnets.
“Movie’s on,” Cooper mumbles unnecessarily.
“Right,” I mutter back.
And we watch it.
And I don’t fail at either of Cooper’s conditions.
I don’t say another word. Not during my favorite parts. Not when Cooper scoffs or giggles or gasps throughout the movie. Not even when Cherry Valance mouths off to Dallas Winston at the drive-in movie and I’m itching to tell Cooper that’s her.
I don’t lay a finger on her either. Not when her hair falls in her face. Not when she hugs her legs closer to her as she shivers, and everything in my body is urging me to move closer to her. Not even when I see a single tear falling from her eye at the end of the movie and my hand twitches at my side as I fight the urge to reach up and swipe it away for her.
No. I watch the movie. And then I leave.
Because reality has hit me. And because I know this little social experiment is coming to an end. And even though neither of us planned to enjoy any aspect of it, you simply can’t plan for life, as much as Cooper or Denise or Jesse or anyone else I know might disagree.
Unfortunately, it’s occurring to me, at the least convenient time possible, that I might just not dislike Cooper as much as I think I do. In fact, I’m realizing, I might actuallyenjoyher presence. It’s suddenly apparent, just as I feel her starting to drift away, that in the absolute shitshow that is my life, she’s been an anchor. Like a lighthouse in a storm. Like a flame in the darkness. But it doesn’t matter. Because we weren’t ever made to last. So that’s why I leave her house tonight with a curt nod and not so much as a goodbye.
Because, after Denise’s holiday party, I know we’ll be done. I know she’ll be done. Because that’s how it was always supposed to be. Because we are who we are. Because, as frustrating as it may be, it really is true.
Nothing gold can stay.
thirty-one
SARA
After a painfully quiet viewing ofThe Outsiders, two weeks of time apart filled with me studying and test-taking like my life depends on it and Robbie doing…I’m not sure what, and one semi-awkward car ride where we didn’t discuss any of it, Robbie and I are walking through the front door of Denise Davis’s house.
This will be fine, I tell myself as the two of us quickly become engulfed in the low lights, blaring music, and mass of underage drinking students from our high school. At first, the crowd seems intimidating, but the further we make our way into the house, the more I feel like I just disappear, and the more comfortable I get.
Just as I start to think this may be a fairly uneventful evening spent under the radar, a voice I’ve come to know all too well comes ringing through my ears.
“Oh, look! You two are just in time!” Denise calls the moment Robbie and I step into the living room. She claps her hands, hopping up from where she’s sitting cross-legged on the floor and flitting over to us.
