Page 86 of Something Rad
Until it wasn’t.
I keep trying to pinpoint where we went wrong. When did it shift from us doing what we were supposed to be doing, putting on a good show, both of us in agreement and on the same page, to something that crossed a line?
Was it when I pulled her closer than necessary while Jesse was talking out of his ass to her? Or maybe when she grabbed me by my jacket and looked up at me with those gray doe eyes like nothing I’ve ever seen before? It could have been when I dug my fingers into her hips. But that was only after her head fell against my chest, her flowery scent hitting me like a ton of bricks. And what was I supposed to do with that? The girl drives me insane, but she smells like a goddamn spring meadow sprinkled with morning dew. Like a fresh shower in the middle of a forest. Like what I imagine a waterfall in a fairyland would smell like. Not that I’d ever given any thought to what that scent might be until Sara Beth freaking Cooper walked–no, trampled– her way into my life.
I don’t know what to think when it comes to her. And never once have I had to think aboutwhat to think. That’s what she does to my brain. I need to make it stop though. I’m letting this become complicated, and it doesn’t need to be complicated. We both agreed to this. We both had to know it wouldn’t be easy, that there would be an adjustment period. She was putting on an act tonight. That’s what we wereboththere to do. The point was to be convincing. For her to get the school’s attention. She did her job. And so did I. That’s all.
My non-kiss-kiss stunt at the end might have thrown her for a loop, but it had to be done. Everyone’s eyes were on us. We had to take advantage. We had to make them believe. I…justwantedthem to believe. That’s it.
I knew in the split second that I decided to go through with it that it might catch Cooper off guard. I figured she’d go rigid in my arms and that the entire thing would last for approximately one and a half seconds before she pulled back. I expected that I would have to hear her pretend to gag the whole car ride home and be prepared to respond when she reminded me how much she couldn’t stand me, remindingherthat the feeling was mutual. I expected her to maybe even yell at me, even though I didn’t break her rules. My lips never touched her.
But what I never expected in a million years was fornoneof that to happen. For her to trust me, if only for a few seconds. For her tosoftenagainst me. For her to go up on her tiptoes and pull me closer and tilt her head as if asking for more, like we were doing the real thing. I didn’t expect the little noises that would come out of her, or the way her breathing would quicken, or the reaction my body would have to all of it. The way it felt almost natural for a moment. Like we don’t get under each other’s skin and test each other’s nerves every second we spend in each other’s presence. Like we weren’t doing a damn thing for the sake of everyone around us andeverythingfor just the two of us.
I was questioning my sanity in the seconds all of this was going through my brain, in those mere moments where time seemed to slow down. Then, just like that, it was like a switch flipped. Reality set back in. We both seemed to remember who we were. And who weweren’t. Where we were. What this was.
So I guess everything was right in the world again.
I’m just not sure why it suddenly feels so fucked.
I shake my head. It’s nothing. I’m overthinking it. Monday will come and we’ll be fine. Or not fine. Because Cooper and I are never reallyfinetogether. But it’ll be normal. And that’s okay with me. We’ve got less than four weeks to go. We’ll get through it, then put this all behind us. That’s what I want. I’m sure that’s what I want.
I shake my head, forcing my mind elsewhere, trying to focus on the positives.
I think about Denise.
Boy, did she look incredible tonight. That dress. That fluffy cloud of gorgeous blonde hair. Her pink painted lips.
I zone out further, tightening my hands on the steering wheel.
Fair skin, flushed cheeks, that sparkle in her eyes. I can’t deny it. I wanted her. And can you blame me? Cooper is a complete knockout–
My spine steels in my seat. I blink several times, shaking my head out.Denise. Denise is a complete knockout.
What the hell?
I’m only a minute or two from my house, but silence is no longer working for me. I click the radio back on.
I grin, happily distracted when one of my favorite songs by Journey comes on. I realize quickly though that it’s at the very end of the song. The music fades out and another song begins. My smile falls.
It’sRock You Like a Hurricane.
I turn the radio off again.
I count the remaining seconds it takes me to get home, keeping my mind busy. I hit seventy-four just as I pull into my driveway.
I make my way into the house, locking the door behind me like always, and start towards the stairs to head up to my room.
“Hello, Robert.”
My hand grips the banister, my head slowly turning to see my dad sitting in his armchair in the living room. He closes the book in his lap, taking off his glasses and setting them on the side table next to him.
“You’re home earlier than expected,” he says.
“When did you expect me?” I ask.
He tilts his head at me, looking me up and down with not a hint of pride in his expression. “I never do, I suppose.”
Of course. “Well, surprise,” I say, nodding at him and starting up the stairs again.
