Page 263 of Something Rad
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Even though I heard it over the announcements at least fifty times and read it plastered over dozens of posters in the last month, I forgot that the theme of this year’s Prom isFire and Ice. But when Cooper and I walk into the gym together, it’s immediately obvious as the whole place is lit up in bright red and cool blue lights, cut-outs of snowflakes and flames strung up and hanging down from the ceiling. It seems we’ve even sprung for a small ice sculpture of a bear, one sitting on a table smack in the middle of the snack area, surrounded by tons of candlesticks just far enough away to keep it from melting.
As we make our way further into the room, I feel the need to loosen my tie, for some reason feeling a little overwhelmed by it all. The decorations are cool, but they’re reminding me too much of how I feel on this inside right now. A little bit too much of what I’m feeling between me and Cooper.
I glance over at her, seeing how goddamn beautiful she looks underneath the blue lights, the glow of the candles lighting up her skin like she’s some kind of an angel. Just looking at her sends warmth flowing through my chest. It’s so hard to describe what I feel for her, what she’s like to me. Love almost seems too simple, too mundane. What’s between us is more than that. It’s passion, it’s heat.
It’sfire.
All-consuming, addicting, impossible to look away from. The longer I spend with her, the greater it grows, the more she spreads through me, destroying everything I thought I knew and wanted and replacing it with her. I used to wonder what would happen to me if I fully let Cooper in, if she’d burn me if I allowed it. But, now, I don’t fear that at all. I know what Cooper feels for me. I know she’d never do anything to hurt me. God, I’m more sure of that than I am of anything. So sure, in fact, that I’ve even wondered lately if she might hurt herself to avoid hurting me.
And that’s where the ice comes in.
This sharp, cold, piercing feeling in the back of my mind that I’ve been doing everything in my power to ignore for the last few weeks. The one that sends a chill through me every time I look at a calendar and remember just how close we are to graduation. How close we are to her leaving.
Or, at least, when she’s supposed to be leaving. We haven’t talked about it. Cooperwon’ttalk about it.
At first, I was fine with that, because I figured she was feeling the same way as me. That she wanted to put it off, that she wanted to just enjoy our time together before things had to get real, before decisions had to be made. But now, we’re less than a week from graduation, just over two weeks away from the time she’s supposed to be in New York, and she hasn’t even mentioned it. Hasn’t even told me if she’s accepted the offer or if she’s booked a flight. In some ways, I’ve been okay with it, with avoiding the conversation of our futures, because that would mean I could avoid talking about the fact that I haven’t done a damn thing to prepare for mine.
I never applied for college. I don’t have a job lined up. I don’t have plans or aspirations of going anywhere other than Bay View. I’m just…here. Just existing. I was sure that something would come to me over the course of my senior year, that some inspiration would strike or that I would discover some grand passion that I knew I’d need to follow after high school. But, instead, I just stayed the same.
And then I found Cooper.
And,God, has she made me the happiest guy on the planet. She’s taught me so many things, fulfilled me in so many ways, made me feel like I was someone worth doing something, but…I just still don’t know what thatsomethingis. Cooper’s seemed to always have hersomething, always known it, like she was made for it. Because she is. But me…I just don’t know. And it’s finally setting in just how quickly my window to not know is closing.
All I know is that I want Cooper. And I want her to be happy. She says that I make her happy. But how much of someone’s happy can you really be responsible for? How muchshouldyou be responsible for? As someone that’s basically never been responsible for anything, I have to be honest when I say it scares the shit out of me. The reliance on me that I’ve felt from her lately. The shifting of her priorities. The dreams of hers that used to be the only thing in her sight now taking a backseat to me. It makes me nervous. Frankly, it chills me to the bone.
And I don’t want that. I don’t want the ice. I’m here for the fire. I just want the fire forever. I guess the only question is whether my and Cooper’s fire is destined to burn on forever or simply burn out like so many before.
“You love this song, don’t you?” Cooper asks, making me realize that I’ve been staring at the ice sculpture and candle display for a good minute now.
“What?” I say automatically, snapping out of my trance.
Cooper chuckles. “This song,” she repeats, pointing towards the dance floor. “You’ve sung along to it a few times in the car. And I’ve heard you listening to it on your Walkman. Blue Öyster Cult, right?”
I glance towards the dance floor, letting my ears focus in on the music the live band is playing, a laugh immediately bursting out of me when I identify the song.
“Burnin’ for You,” I confirm. “Very clever.”
“Wanna dance?” Cooper asks, wiggling her eyebrows.
I tilt my head as I look down at her. She’s bouncing on her feet, a smile bright across her face, her gorgeous red hair billowing out around her face, catching light in a way that puts every fire decoration in this gym to shame. “How could I ever say no to you?” I ask her.
“I guess you don’t,” she says, grinning as she pulls me onto the dance floor.
Cooper and I dance until we’re out of breath and our hair is clinging to our foreheads, not able to escape the dance floor as the band plays one fantastic fire or ice themed song one after the other.Burnin’ for Youwent straight intoCold As Iceby Foreigner, then was followed by Asia’sHeat of the Moment. By the time we finish slow dancing toThe Flameby Cheap Trick, we’re both practically crawling to the punch table for a drink.
Cooper scoops us each a cup of the red colored punch full to the very top, us both downing it in seconds. It’s not until we’re each halfway through our second glasses and slowing down that I become aware of my surroundings, spotting Alice and Daniel just to the side of the snack table. Alice happens to turn her head in my direction at the same moment, and I raise a hand, waving her our way.
Her back straightens, a tight smile crossing her face as she waves back at me. I watch her eyes flick to Cooper at my side, who’s still downing her punch. When Alice still doesn’t move after a few more moments, I give her another wave of my hand towards us. This time, she turns to Daniel on the other side of her, his eyes on the stage. She leans in and whispers something in his ear, pointing in our direction. After that, I expect him to come over with her, but he doesn’t, staying rooted to the spot as Alice makes her way over on her own.
“Hey Alice,” I say to her, smiling.
I feel Cooper stiffen at my side, and I turn to see her slowly lowering her punch cup from her face, her posture rigid. My brows pull together as I look at her, but then my gaze is pulled away by Alice’s voice.
“Hi, Robbie.”
“Hey,” I say again. “Long time, no see.” And it’s not until the words are out of my mouth that I realize I really mean them, and that it occurs to me that I haven’t seen Alice in weeks. Now that I think of it, I haven’t even heard Cooper mention Alice in weeks, which is about a thousand times less than she’d usually mention her in the same amount of time.
