Page 176 of Something Rad
And suddenly, with the heat of the moment now gone, everything comes crashing down on me so hard. The blissful light feeling in my stomach quickly twists and tightens into nausea. I become painfully aware of my mangled panties, still half exposed sex, and my skirt that’s pushed completely up around my waist. I feel the slick heat between my thighs begin to cool and the tightened points of my breasts begin to relax.
But what I feel, more than anything, is the press of Robbie’s length against my thigh, just as hard as ever.
My lips part, and I feel my throat slowly start to constrict as Robbie’s eyes dart between mine, a line settling between his brows.
I think I’m starting to panic
Actually, no– I’m absolutely losing my shit.
The realization is hitting me of everything I just did with Robbie. Every part of me I allowed him to see. More of me than any other person has seen before. I’ve never been so vulnerable. I know I shouldn’t, but I feel embarrassed. My heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest. I feel like I need to get out of here. But I am also very aware of something else.
Robbie just…did so much. He did so muchfor me. Surely he’s expecting the same in return. I can’t justnotgive it to him.That wouldn’t be fair, right?Even though it may be my first rodeo, I know it certainly isn’t his.
“Cooper?”
My eyes refocus, finding Robbie.
“Hi,” I say weakly.
He tilts his head at me. “Are you okay?” he asks.
I nod, too much, too fast. The back of my eyes start to burn as I reach for Robbie. I just barely grip him through his jeans when he lets out a low grunt. He shakes his head, pushing my head away. “You don’t need to do that.”
“Oh,” I squeak, barely audible. “Sorry.” I push up onto my elbow, shuffling back and away from Robbie, trying to battle with the conflicting emotions of relief at his letting me off the hook and also the sting of his rejection. I can’t look at him. I shift to the side, swinging my legs off the seat to face forward, pulling my skirt down to where it should be.
“Cooper, what’s wrong?” Robbie asks.
“Nothing,” I say, fidgeting with my wrinkled blouse. “All good. You ready to take me home?”
I see Robbie also turn his body to a normal sitting position in my peripheral vision. He slides closer to me, and I turn my head away, unwanted tears clouding my eyes.
“Hey,” Robbie says, gripping my forearm and turning me to face him. When I keep my head low, Robbie reaches up, holding my face in his hands. He pushes my hair away from my forehead, revealing my glossy eyes. His brows pull together in concern as he brushes his thumbs across my cheeks. “Talk to me, Goose.”
My lips press into a flat line. I’m not sure what to say. I’m not even totally sure what all I’m thinking. It feels like a hurricane inside my brain right now.
“Cooper, please talk to me,” Robbie says softly. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I murmur. “I’m okay. I just–I’m just…”
“Freaking out?” Robbie questions.
I roll my lips into my mouth, nodding slowly. I feel so dumb right now. And I don’t even totally know why.
Robbie lets out a pained sigh. “That was a lot. We went way too fast. I got caught up in the moment, Cooper. I should’ve taken it slower with you. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I shake my head. “I wanted it.” Robbie’s shoulders relax just slightly, but his expression remains tight. “Really, I did. It’s just…”
“What?” Robbie asks gently.
I meet his eyes, swallowing hard. “I think I’m scared.”
I didn’t realize Robbie’s thumbs were still sweeping across my cheeks until they come to a stop. “Of what?” he whispers.
I take a deep breath, reaching up and pulling one of Robbie’s hands away from my face, bringing it down to settle on my chest. His eyes follow the path before they meet mine once again. “I meant what I said before,” I breathe. “I’m scared…of the way you make me feel. I’m scared to allow myself tolet youmake me feel this way. I know I said I trusted you before…” I trail off, shaking my head. “But I need to know if you meant it. You said it twice, but…I need to know how serious you were.”
“What did I say?” Robbie asks.
I push against the lump in my throat, forcing myself to hold his eye contact. “I’m yours,” I whisper. Robbie’s face falls, and I’m not sure how to read his expression. “Are you? Are you…reallymine?”
