Page 119 of When Fate Breaks
I have to refrain from jumping on the spot. The woman's eyes widen at my abrupt pause, but I’m not looking at her. Behind her, on the TV screen, an advertisement for the Winfeld is on display.
For their brand new garden terrace adjoining suite.
With city views from twenty-five stories up.
Twenty-five. That’s what floor Blake’s room is on.
“Actually,wow, I can’t believe it, but I just remembered!” I babble, pushing away from the counter in the direction of the elevators. My sopping wet bag slides off my shoulder and I catch it just before it hits the ground. “Thank you so much!” I say, pounding on the upwards arrow button with my thumb like my life depends on it.
The woman moves to come from behind the counter, looking suddenly suspicious. “Ma’am, I’m not sure–”
One of the elevators opens in front of me and I dart inside, pressing the button to close the doors as fast as I can even though I see several people approaching the waiting area. “Thank you!” I call again as the doors shut. I fall against the back wall, heaving a sigh as the elevator ascends, my heart rate increasing with each floor it passes. When the number above the door reads25and the loud ding sounds, my heart nearly bursts from my chest.
I step out of the elevator, beginning to wander the halls of the twenty-fifth floor in search of Blake’s room, soaking the carpet and leaving a wet footprint behind with every step I take. I so desperately wish my cell phone wasn’t dead–for multiple reasons, but at this moment– so I could look up this hotel suite to get a better idea of where it might be on the floor.
My mind wanders as I trudge on. Blake’s going to hate me.Ihate me. This is not at all how I intended for this night to go. The regret digs deeper and deeper until I feel like I might collapse. Just as I think I might actually do so, I realize I’m at the dead-end of a hall, a massive window directly in front of me. I step forward, plastering my forehead to the window and close my eyes, breathing deeply.
What the hell am I doing?
When I allow my eyes to open again, something catches my attention out the window to the right. Strings of lights hung from wrought iron poles. Plants. Lots of plants.
Wait.
I step back from the window, looking at the door to my right, realizing that the wall space around it is much larger than the rest of the rooms I’ve seen in this hall. I suddenly notice a bronze plate on the wall next to the door. I swallow deeply as I move closer to read the plaque.
Garden Terrace Suite.
This is it. Blake’s just behind that wall. I feel like I’m gonna be sick. I need Blake. I need him to forgive me. I’m fairly certain I lost my job today. I’ve lost…so much else recently. I can’t lose Blake. I slowly knock on the door, praying Blake is a bigger person than I am. Blake can’t hate me.
He won’t hate me.
After five long seconds, the door opens. I blink away the tears in my eyes as I drag my gaze from the floor up to Blake’s face.
He hates me.
23
PRESENT DAY
Imake my way towards the general direction of where I think I heard the voice calling my name, trying and failing to unpack everything that just happened and cursing Lori Beth for her Boy Scouts level knot tying skills. Though we hadn’t spoken a word, I think Blake and I just said more to each other than we have in the last two weeks.
I don’t know what came over me.
I had seen him lurking on that same spot on the wall all night. Even though he was almost entirely hidden from view, I could constantly feel the heat of his gaze straight through the pillar he was standing behind. I did everything in my power to ignore it and to be in the moment, but, when that song came on…
It was a reflex the way my body turned and my eyes shot to Blake’s.
There are core memories in your life you simply can’t forget. All it takes is one small reminder– a sight, a smell, a particular shift in the air– and, suddenly, you’re back. It’s not the memories or events themselves that stick in our mind, but the feelings those situations brought about. The way your heart raced from nerves or your belly ached so hard from laughing. The lump in your throat or the butterflies in your tummy. A shift in a mindset or an unexpected epiphany. That’s what sticks. That’s what makes those days and nights ingrain themselves in your brain and refuse to leave.
That night on the rooftop in Boston was a night of carefree dreaming and believing. The world was our oyster and there was nothing but possibilities. No responsibilities. No struggles of adulthood aside from the ones I was already choosing to overthink about while they were still out of my control. Nothing but the city skyline, the warm autumn air, that song…and us. Us dancing. All I wanted to do in that moment was dance. To remember that feeling. Though I knew it was a selfish request, I could see it in Blake’s eyes that he felt it too. Two nights. Two dances. Two times I felt like we were the only people on the planet.
Well, it certainly felt that way until the planet suddenly felt like it was turning in on itself. When he saw it. The thing I’d be successfully hiding from him all night while avoiding him all together. Until I couldn’t. The bracelet.
The Polaroid. The t-shirt. The bracelet.
So many physical reminders of core memories I have pushed away for so long. What are the odds I successfully do so for five plus years all for them to make a reappearance in a span of a month?This monthof all months.This day of all days.
The day he lost his dad.
