Page 59 of When Fate Breaks
I begin to tell Remy he should tell Blake that himself, but the kiss he presses at the hollow of my throat cuts me off, making me giggle involuntarily. I shrug his arms off, spinning around to face him. I barely open my mouth to speak before Remy’s lips are crushing against my own, the taste of beer mixing poorly with my freshly brushed teeth. I don’t know why, but I have every urge to pull away. Right as I think I might, his arms encircle me once more as he attempts to deepen the kiss. My hands raise to his biceps, grabbing on to them to push him away, but I force myself to pause. To count to three in my head and allow myself to sink into this moment. Sink into this man that’s been present in my life nearly every day of the last five years. The only comfort and home I have known. I shut my eyes tighter, mentally recalling my image of the future that’s been so crystal clear for so long. I’m able to find it after a few moments, but it’s not quite the same now, appearing blurry around the edges for some reason.
My fingers dig into Remy’s arm, nudging him back just enough to make my wishes clear. He resists at first, his lips continuing to pull at mine until I lower my head out of his reach. My eyes are still closed as I take several steady breaths, trying to understand my thoughts. Trying to rationalize why one of the only confident decisions I’ve ever made in life suddenly doesn’t feel like it was made by me. Like I was a bystander in the entire act. Like I have simply been an alien inhabiting the body of a woman with an entirely different brain. One that’s logical. One that does what needs to be done. One that understands contentment and doesn’t complicate things with her senseless whims and child-like wistfulness.
Just let it go, Annie.
“Youwerea dick.” I had muttered out the thought before I had even processed it.
Way to let it go, Annie.
When I allow my eyes to open, Remy’s staring at me, a smile playing on his lips. It takes a few seconds for him to realize that I’m not making a joke, his face gradually falling. “Apple Jacks, c’mon,” he mutters, reaching for my face.
“No, Remy,” I insist, quickly dodging his advances and walking around him into the bedroom. “I’m serious.” My gaze catches on our open bedroom door, Remy’s button-up shirt, open beer bottle, and very muddy boots deposited on the floor just inside of it. I make myself look away before I let myself overreact, not allowing the small frustrating act to be the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Remy quickly blocks my view of the scene as he comes out of the bathroom, frustration clear in his posture and in the pinch of his brows. “I said I was sorry.”
“Yeah, well, that doesn’t just make it okay.” I turn away from him, busying myself with unnecessarily refolding the throw blanket on the end of our bed. I hear Remy take a step closer to me but ignore it, fidgeting now with the comforter and wiping nonexistent crumbs from the top of it.
“Can you blame me?”
My spine straightens. I slowly turn back around to Remy and am immediately met with a look in his eyes I know I don’t like. “What?”
Remy’s gaze trails me once before landing on my face. He takes another step, leaving barely any room left between us. “What’s the deal with you and him?”
My shoulders instantly slump, my lips parting.
Concern.
There had also been concern in his eyes.
I grit my teeth, ignoring the nausea churning in my stomach. “There is no deal.”
“Doesheknow that?”
“I can assure you, he does,” I affirm, slightly more forcefully than I intended. Remy lets a breath out of his nose, the crease between his brows deepening. The longer he stares at me the heavier the weight currently pressing on my chest becomes. I run my hands through my hair, attempting to reset my thoughts. “Look, there’s just…a lot of history between us–”
“He looks at you like he’s seen a ghost.”
My mouth goes dry. I swallow hard, my lips pressing together.
Of all things to say. Why?
“Well, in a lot of ways, I’m sure it feels like that.”
I don’t feel that Remy has even been around enough since Blake has been here to draw that conclusion.Not that he’s ever around much anyways.I shake my head, blinking away the burning in my eyes.
It doesn’t matter. He’s wrong. Blake doesn’t look at me like anything.
I won’t allow myself to think that.
Remy’s head tilts. “You two really never got together?”
“No.”
He sighs, resigned, closing the last of the distance between us and putting his hands on my shoulders. “Anything else I should know?”
Where would I even begin?
“Nothing that matters now.” And that’s the truth.
