Page 18 of Replay
Scoffing, I bring my hands between us and push against his chest. Anger flares in my chest when he barely budges. “I’m not doing it, Hawke. You have no right to demand anything of me.”
His hand flies from where it was pressed against the door to my chin. His fingers are bruising as they tilt my head up, my gaze forced to clash with his. “I love you. I never stopped and you have never stopped being mine, sugar. Drop your boyfriend now while I’m still playing nice.”
It could be the demands, his words or the way he’s looking at me, his eyes possessive and full of heat, either way I crack. The tiny splint that's been holding my battered heart together for years snaps. I rip my chin out of his grip and shove my hips forward, trying to dislodge his hold over me.
“You don’t get to say those things to me. You left, again. Again, Hawke. Right after we were together you left me. And I waited for you. I waited for you to reach out, to call. Fuck, on your birthday I kept my phone out the entire time, thinking this would be it, you’d call and we’d figure it out. But you didn’t. You left me without answers, without promises, without closure.”
My chest is heaving, and tears are falling down my cheeks by the time I’m done with saying every painful word that I’ve buried inside since that night. My hands are fisted around the material of his gray t-shirt and yet all my attempts to push him away are futile. Hawke towers over me, his huge football body is braced against the impact of my shoves and hits. Frustration builds and I lift my knee, intending to make contact with his ribs, but he blocks me, and he chuckles darkly.
“Are you done yet?”
“Get off me. Let me out of here,” I demand, my eyes once again meeting his.
The green of his eyes darkens and this time his hand lands on my neck, under my jaw, and I freeze. My eyes widen and his fingers flex against my pulse, which I’m sure is beating erratically.
“You won’t get closure with me, sweetheart. We never ended. Yes, I left to protect you, to protect your family, and you know this. I’m sorry I couldn't come back to you on my birthday, I wanted to. Believe me, I wanted to be with you, but I couldn’t leave until it was done. Until I buried my grandfather’s dreams and wishes six feet under.” He's breathing hard, and his forehead drops to mine. I don’t want to soften toward him, but my body betrays me anyways. I feel myself no longer fighting his hold and sink into him. His answering growl lets me know he feels it too.
“I’m sorry, Emmarys. I’m sorry I left that morning the way I did. All I could think about was getting back so he didn’t find out. I thought I was putting you in danger if I stayed.”
Tears gather on my lashes and spill silently down my cheeks again, this time for a different reason. His words break my resolve and I realize the hopeless cycle we’re in. He did what he did to protect me. He hurt me. He left. I can’t forgive him even though he claims to still love me. “Please, let me go, Hawke.”
“You know I never can, sweetheart,” he replies, and his lips touch my forehead, my nose, my cheek, the corner of my lips. I inhale, my lips parting in shock and he takes that as permission to turn his head, his lips instantly capturing mine fully. This kiss feels like a claiming, like our past and present colliding. It’s soft, hard, demanding and freeing all at once.I’ve missed this, missed him.And right as that thought leaves my mind reality sets it.
Ripping my mouth from his, I take him by surprise, shoving his body off mine. His hand falls from my neck and his eyes fly open. He doesn’t look sorry and judging by the way his lips turn up in a smirk he has zero remorse for what just happened.
My hands run through my hair and my chest feels heavy. Guilt slithers in my blood. I let him kiss me. I cheated. I have a boyfriend and I let my ex kiss me in this abandoned classroom. Worse, I enjoyed it.
“Em–”
“No,” I shout at him. “Leave me alone, Hawke.” This time he doesn’t stop me as I turn and flee from the classroom, practically sprinting down the hallway to get away. I can’t believe I let that happen. Now I have to tell Jax not only about my past, but about what happened today. I can’t lie to him. I can’t hurt an innocent guy who has done nothing but try and build a relationship with me. I’m a terrible person. Not once did my boyfriend cross my mind. Not until my ex’s lips were already on mine.
hawke
. . .
“Down. Set. Hut,”I yell over the groans and growls of my offensive teammates before dropping back and finding my receivers down the field. Fucking Parker. Once again, he’s completely covered and can’t find an opening. Riggs is open and his hand in the air, signaling, telling me how much he wants the ball. I launch the ball down the field and into my best friend’s waiting hands before he runs it in for another touchdown.
“Shit!” Our offensive coach hollers before bowing his head and walking away.
I have to drop my head in order to hide the smirk on my lips. Coach has been here for over twenty years and he takes pride in the offensive line he has created, according to him, and now me and Riggs arrived from Texas we’re destroying his star players, showing their weaknesses and highlighting why this team hasn’t advanced in the last decade. I like Anthony Parker; he’s a decent guy, and a pretty good receiver, but he’s too slow. Unlike Riggs who can run circles around the defense, and he keeps proving it every practice. Same with Bohde Hines, he’s a good receiver, if he actually studied the plays and put in the effort he’d continueto shine, but his mistakes are becoming more evident each time he almost collides with his fellow offense players.
With our first game coming up, I know I need Riggs on the field. Our defensive coach, our head coach, our whole team knows it. Now our offensive coach knows it too. Riggs will be starting and the past five years that Parker and Hines have been here won’t matter if they’re benched. Maybe I should feel sorry for them, but I don’t. I’m here to win. I’m bringing a Natty to Michigan to prove my loyalty to this team. I worked hard enough bending the rules to get here that I can at least give them that. Plus, I’m stuck here for as long as Emmarys is here.
I’m popping off the straps on my helmet when Riggs runs back over to the center of the field, both of us ignoring our coaches’ bickering and the fury radiating off of Parker and Hines who aren’t happy about the changes taking place.
“Nice throw.” Riggs’s fist bumps against mine before slapping his hand twice on my shoulder while I do the same to his. It's our game celebration or anytime Riggs makes a helluva play.
“Way to get open,” I tell him in return and the guy grins.
“It's too easy. The plays are mediocre at best and the defense has no focus. No wonder they haven’t won a single championship in over ten years.”
I shake my head as we walk to the sidelines. “Everything’s about to change. They need to get on board.” I eye the coach and the few players who are struggling knowing that I’m taking over the team now.
Riggs sighs. “They will. Winning is addictive. And if they don’t, they can join their previous QB next year.”
I nod in response and join the huddle. A few minutes later, after the team receives their balls handed to them on a silver platter, we head to the showers. I’m ready for this day to be done. I just want to head back to my apartment and start thenext phase of my plan. According to Riggs and his source Isla, there is something big coming down the pipes in regards to Jax Kellan. I know that Falcon and her have been working on the dirt and apparently there is something big. I need it. After our kiss, Emmarys ran, and if I know her, she’s letting misplaced guilt get the better of her, and I refuse to let her be in pain. We did nothing wrong. Everything about that kiss, about her being in my arms, clinging to me, was right. It was how it should be.
Once the huddle is over, I follow the team to the locker room and quickly grab a towel to hit the showers. My phone beeps in my locker and I pick it up when Falcon’s number flashes on the screen.
