Page 10 of Replay
My hockey queen.
My dark obsession.
My little liar.
My fucking ex-girlfriend.
Emmarys lied when we planned our life together after Crimson Bay. If she had just stuck to the plan, if she had believed in me at all after her prom night, then this year of misery would have been so much different. Instead, I was forced to release her, forced to acknowledge the end of our relationship. We were no longer together and while I know I’m responsible for it, anger and bitterness flood my veins just thinking about it. I hate not knowing what she is doing, who she is with, if she replaced me when I will never be able to move on from her. Memories of her haunt me, plaguing my days and keeping me tossing and turning at night. I should have handled things differently. She should have trusted me when I said I’d always love her. Now I’m stuck here, in limbo, half-living. Hating her. Loving her. Wanting to destroy her. Wishing I could just get my hands on her.
Six more months. Six. Closing my eyes, I pull a white t-shirt on over my head and grab my faded Texas hoodie, throwing that on next. Keys, wallet and cell phone in hand, I wander through the football house and outside before sliding behind the wheel of my truck and heading over to the party.
As always, the place is already crawling with bodies. Guys from the team are throwing a football in the front lawn while someone is maintaining the door. I slip past, while everyone cheers and claps me on the back. Feminine hands grab at me, sliding along my arms, trying to seduce me to stay there, while I make my way to the back of the house outside. Despite the fact that it's the dead of winter, the outdoor pool is heated and connected to a hot tub currently full of girls barely wearing swimsuits, and some without tops on at all. Guys are leaning on the edges, drinking from colorful cups and bottles staring atthem. Shaking my head, I grin and wave at my fans until I see the only two people I care about.
My best friend Riggs is leaning on a bar edge, while a few girls from the cheer team surround him. He likes the attention unlike me. Our eyes meet and I give him a subtle chin lift, telling him without words, to make sure he keeps his jersey chasers over there, far from me. Falcon sees me next and turns from the girl who is mixing a few drinks for another group of people and flashes me his megawatt smile.
“Bro.” He claps my shoulder. “You made it.”
“Said I would,” I grind out, shaking my head. Someone nearby hands me a closed bottle of beer and I take it, even though I won’t be drinking. I never drink during the season, and especially not at a party when my heart is racing and I’m missing my girl. My luck I’d end up texting her or finding a way to contact her and blow my plan to shit. It's better to stay sober and have a clear mind.
“You did say that, but you also like to hide away at the gym as much as possible,” Falcon continues, taking the last drink of his own beer. I hand him the one in my hand and with a smirk he pops the top off.
“Well, I’m here.”
He studies me, his eyes searching mine. “There’s something different about you. I’d say it's stress from how hard coach has been working you, but it's more than that. You look unhinged. I have a feeling it has something to do with Emma and your impending birthday.”
I stiffen, and he goes silent, knowing that he said her name out loud, something we just don’t do.
Riggs slides over next to us after shaking off his fan club. “We’re just worried about you, Shepp.”
Neither of them has to say it out loud. I know they're worried about my plan. I know they have reservations about how I’mabout to implode my life. They just don’t get it though. Even walking away from this team and going to a new one, isn’t a hardship for me. Truth is that I used this team, built them up, brought them a few championships and it's all so that when I request a transfer to Michigan, that coach won’t turn me down. He would be a fool to, and would probably lose his job. So far my talks with him, feeling him out, have been going smoothly. After I turn twenty-one in February, I can actually pursue him and the team more. Then all I have to do is lay low until the school year starts and make my move, announce it to the world, and watch all the light and enjoyment die in my grandfather’s eyes.
“Don’t worry about me. I have it under control,” I say around my teeth while forcing a smile. Falcon exhales and hangs his head dramatically while Riggs rolls his eyes.
“I don’t mean to overstep, big brother, but you can’t blame us for worrying. You’ve been coasting the past year.”
“Let’s just celebrate tonight's win, yeah? There’s nothing else to say. You know my plans, and they’re not changing.” I shrug and reach behind the makeshift bar to grab a bottle of water.
They both know I’m bullshitting, but if we keep talking the easy, calm mask I’m wearing is going to crack.
Riggs lands a fist on the top of my shoulder. “If you say so. But what if it's all for nothing. Maybe she has another man already.”
My gaze snaps to my friend’s and when he sees the darkness and violence that his words create, he takes a small step back. It's not that his words aren’t something I’ve contemplated on my own; it's just that they don’t matter. Once Emmarys Lawson is in the same vicinity again as me, I’m going to win her back and never let go again, no matter what it takes. My family, hockey, football, or some guy won’t change my plan or the inevitable outcome. Time is counting down and I just have to keep everything close to my chest for a little longer.
“Thanks for worrying, but I got it. And that shit doesn't matter,” I tell them, glancing at both of them so they see how dead set I am. “She’s mine.”
emma, 20 years old, present
. . .
No.No. No.
My eyes wander over one of the two new banners that are being hung outside the football stadium that is adjacent to the hockey arena. My heart hammers in my chest while my stomach is twisting in knots. I heard the rumors; I saw the many different news segments but stupidly, I still didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe thatTheHawke Sheppard had left the University of Texas after almost three years as the football team’s star quarterback, so that he could transfer to Michigan.
Why?
That’s the main question on everyone in the college sports universe's minds. It’s the big question they discussed on ESPN and all over social media, and it is the hottest gossip on campus. Now, with my own eyes, I could see that it’s real. Hawke’s beautiful face is hanging across the football stadium. He proudly wears the school’s colors. His green eyes are fierce and his lips wear a hint of a cocky smile.
I have been a pile of nerves all day after Jax and some of his friends from the team were talking about the big changehappening today for the football team, and one of the guys even mentioned that they saw Hawke on campus. He was with his friend, Riggs Griffin, who also ended up transferring to Michigan, and they are already a hot commodity around campus. Of course they are. I just bet that they aren’t short volunteers to introduce them to the campus. That jealous little thought pops into my brain and I squash it quickly. I have no hold over Hawke, and if I’m honest, I haven’t in a really long time. I don’t know why I’m nervous or why I didn’t even finish my lunch because my heart felt like it was lodged in my throat. I didn’t need to hear Jax’s conversation earlier to follow along with the narrative that's been talked about all day across campus either.
