Page 4 of Replay
“Definitely not here.” I shake my head. I do not want anyone at this school to see more of my humiliation. It was bad enough when Hawke first left and I was reminded by some of the meaner girls in my school that I wasn’t good enough for him. Some of the guys he played football with at All Saints even went out of their way to remind me that he left me behind for a reason. They alluded to the fact that the sex must not have been good, but what none of them realized was that Hawke and I never had sex while we dated. We did other things and had plenty of hot, steamy make-out sessions but that was always as far as he’d let it go. He wanted to wait until we were free of high school and out of this town before he claimed me. Right now, all of that feels like a lie. Hawke has been at the University of Texas for over a year and he happens to be gorgeous. I’m not naive enough to believe he saved himself for me.
Hawke nods his head and slides his fingers through mine, linking us together. “Come with me then?”
I follow him as we head to the parking lot, ignoring the looks of some of my classmates as we go. I could care less what theythink about me right now. Soon enough we’ll be done here and most likely I’ll never see some of these people ever again.
He directs me to a car I’ve never seen before and opens the passenger door for me. While we were dating, I never opened my own car door or walked through a door without Hawke opening it for me. It wasn’t like I expected it or required it. I can open my own door whenever I want to, but he said he was raised to show this level of respect to women.
Still, I can’t help rolling my eyes at the chivalrous gesture now. Not when despair and longing war inside me. “I can get my own door, Hawke.”
A tight grin pulls his lips while what looks like pain flashes in his eyes. “I know you can, sweet. You also know what this means to me to do this for you.”
It means he respects me. Treasures me. At least that’s what it used to mean to him before he left town and ghosted me. Emotion holds my throat in a tight grip, making it impossible to speak. Hawke doesn’t press further and soon he’s rounding the car and getting in the driver’s seat and driving away. When I started the night, I never thought I’d be skipping out on my senior prom. Not that I’m super sentimental, but it was considered a rite of passage in a way. My fingers run over the light material of the dress I saved money for in order to wear tonight. I had wanted to look nice while I celebrated the end of high school with my friends. Never did I imagine that Hawke would show up.
He parks at the hotel and after helping me from the car, he once again takes my hand and leads me inside. No one even blinks at a couple of teenagers walking through the lobby to the elevators. I barely cover my laugh as it almost spills out.
Hawke’s eyes glance at me in the elevator. “Something funny, Emms?”
“We’re clearly coming from prom and no one even questioned us being at a hotel or that we could be underage. Must be nice to have money.” My eyes flicker over to him. My words about money hit their mark of course because Hawke’s shoulders instantly tense and his jaw clenches so much that I can see the muscle on his jaw twitch.
“Money isn’t everything, but it has its uses.”
Sure it does. I want to rail at him, yell and scream out my anger and hurt. I want him to visibly see how much his betrayal hurt me beyond repair, but I force myself to tamper it down. The only thing that will give me peace is answers and to get those I need to find closure with him tonight.
By the time the elevator dings and the doors open for us, Hawke is practically dragging me to his room, his arm banded so tightly around my waist I know there will be prints from his fingers tomorrow. His key to the door buzzes and flashes green and then I’m just about thrown into the room.
“What the hell? Why are you rushing us?” I gasp, teetering on my heels.
Hawke runs his hands through his hair. “I’m not supposed to be here. The less people or cameras that catch us, the better.”
My brow lifts. “Is that part of your explanation that you promised me you’d share?”
His chest heaves and he takes a few deep breaths. I watch mesmerized as he pulls his black tie loose and flicks the top buttons of his shirt open. “It is.”
“Good. Well start. If this gets over in enough time I fully intend to go back to the school and maybe salvage some of the night and have fun. And you can go back to Texas where you belong,” I quip as I stroll over to the bed and sit down on the crisp, clean, white sheets.
I hear him inhale sharply as if my words hurt, but I refuse to look at him. As much as I want his truth, I fear it. I don’t wantmy resolve to crumble when I’ve been working diligently to build myself up stronger since he left.
“Can you look at me? Please, Em. I need you to see my truth.” His voice deepens and I swear the emotion I hear in it is enough to bring tears to my eyes.
I glance up and am caught in his gaze instantly. The pain I see there reflects my own and for the first time since he’s been gone I doubt the anger I am holding against him. I breathe deeply right as he says the words that change everything.
“I never wanted to leave you, Emmarys.”
hawke, 19 years old
. . .
My words stun her,or at least give her pause. The hatred in her eyes wavers for a few seconds before indecision settles in. I use that to my advantage, willing to take anything I can get at this point. It took me months to get back here. I’m taking a huge risk, hoping my grandfather never finds out. I just need a few hours. I need her to know how much she means to me and clear up this miscommunication that I didn’t want her. How could I not? Even now, her eyes are fiery and her words are meant to cut, but just seeing her in my room, on my bed, I want her.
“I never wanted to leave you. I never wanted to leave Crimson Bay and especially not like that.” I shake my head and sit on the queen-sized bed across from her.
For the millionth time tonight my hands run through my hair as if the perfect words will come to me from the action alone. I can’t mess this up. It took a lot of planning to get here and thankfully, Riggs let me borrow his car so I could drive. It's been a year since I’ve been this close to her, and fuck she’s even more beautiful than when I left. Being near her again is both a blessingand a curse. She smells the same, sweet, like a mix of honey and roses and strawberries. Just looking at her in that pink dress, that holds her curves how I want to, is enough to make me snap. But I can’t, I won’t until I get all of this out in the open.
“You know my father died when I was younger,” I state, knowing we’ve talked about it before. Her eyes soften when I mention it and she nods her head yes. I breathe out slowly, fighting for the right words to make her understand. “He lived and breathed the dream of me playing in the NFL someday. It’s my dream too, but it started with him. It was his dream for himself that he never quite managed to do, and that also came from his father. My grandfather is a decent guy, but he’s also a hard-ass. Whatever he didn’t see in my father, he sees in me. He wants me in the NFL and he uses my mother to get what he wants from us. She’s still faithful to my father, even though she’s been widowed for years, and she does whatever my grandfather says, in exchange for him giving us a comfortable life. Even if it's not what we want, we’re expected to follow his law or face the consequences. And if we still say no, then he uses her to get to us. When we were younger there were threats to send us away from her if we didn’t listen. Now that we’re older there are other threats. He’ll throw her out in the streets. She’ll be left with nothing. She has medical bills and appointments that she needs and I don’t have a way to take care of her. Neither does Falcon, we couldn’t support ourselves let alone her.”
My head spins at my own words and I grit my teeth. I can’t chance looking up at Emmarys even though I feel the way her body stills and I know she’s hanging on my every word. “My grandfather moved us here when there wasn’t a spot at the elite school in my previous hometown. He chose Crimson Bay, he chose All Saints Academy. He chose everything to keep me on the field, to get noticed by scouts and picked up by a top ten college with projection for the NFL. He’s got a good eye for talentand looking at which scouts pick up players from which schools. On most days he’s a good grandfather. Unless I’m not doing what he wants, and spending time with you, Emmarys, was not what he wanted.”
She draws in a shuddering breath and releases it. “I don’t understand. I thought your family liked me?”
