Page 35 of Between the Lines

Instead, he headed down to the water’s edge and splashed through the shallows to the far end of the beach where Hanworth Hall perched on the headland. Shading his eyes against the glare, he gazed up at the house, watching white canvas flap in the sun as a marquee was erected in the garden. With the wedding only a couple of days away, he could imagine how excited the happy couple must be feeling. With a twang of envy, he turned away, squinting back past Luca to look at the Majestic standing proud on the opposite headland. Like twin bookends, the two buildings stood sentinel at either side of the bay. It was a shame there was no way to preserve the Majestic, but between Jude’s financial necessities, and Lux Properties’ bottom line, he couldn’t see it happening.

He was still mulling the problem over later that evening. He’d eaten an early dinner at the Rock House and walked back up to the Majestic along the cliff path before it got too dark to see where he was putting his feet. He paused at the gate where he and Luca had first kissed that warm dark night, running his hands over the iron railing. If he closed his eyes, he could see the stars peeking through the canopy of leaves, feel the evening breeze against his skin, and the first brush of Luca’s lips against his own—warm, a little sun-chapped. Soft. His heart gave a low, powerful thrum of recognition.Yes, he thought,I want that.I want more of that.But the chances of it happening again were reducing by the hour, the lump in his chest growing heavier. With Luca, he’d had a taste of his impossible dream and letting that go was even harder than he’d imagined. What a bloody fool he’d been, starting this when it could only ever end one way. Would he never learn?

With a sigh, he opened the squeaky gate and slipped into the garden. It intrigued him, the Majestic’s garden. Grass grew lush and overlong, trees and shrubs spilling out from untended flowerbeds—the sort of place that might conceal a secret door, a passageway into a different time and place. Back, perhaps, to the Majestic’s heyday. Despite his melancholy, the idea made him smile as he took a deep breath of verdant air and wandered away from the hotel and deeper into the garden.

Under one of the old trees he found a weathered wooden chair and dragged it into a patch of fading sunshine, dug out his new vintage book, and settled down to read. What better way to escape his sorrows than by losing himself in a favorite book? Engrossed in the story, he wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but the print was already fading into the gloom when a shadow fell over the page and obscured it entirely. Theo looked up, frowning, and found Luca standing a couple feet away, hands in his pockets. In the dusky light, it was difficult to make out his expression, but the unhappy hunch of his shoulders spoke volumes.

Theo closed his book, braced for Luca to tell him their deal was over, that he didn’t want Theo hanging around anymore. Possibly, that Luca wanted him to leave—that Theo had fucked it all up. He felt sick, stomach cramping in distress. He didn’t want to leave, he didn’t want this to be over.

Luca glanced over his shoulder toward the hotel porch, as if checking they were alone, before he said, “Listen, uh, you wanna take a walk or something?”

With a jolt of relief, Theo shot to his feet, spilling his book onto the grass. He scarcely noticed. “Got somewhere in mind?”

Luca nodded, stooping to retrieve Theo’s book. His eyebrows rose when he saw the cover. “The Stainless Steel Rat?”

“First edition, 1961.”

“It would make a great TV show, huh?”

Theo smiled. “I’ve been saying that for years.”

Luca set the book on the chair, hands retreating into his pockets, and nodded toward the cliffs beyond the garden. “We could head down to the beach, if you like?”

Theo’s pulse kicked up a notch and he nodded, feeling giddy and graceless and not caring at all. “I would,” he said, and Luca smiled.

Scrambling down the steep path in the deepening twilight was a challenge and Theo lost his footing a couple times. But it was okay because Luca was there, he steadied him, and it was fine. Theo didn’t feel stupid or clumsy, he just felt like himself. In fact, he felt wanted. It was a heady sensation.

Once they reached the sand, Luca set off toward the dunes. He didn’t walk far, just high enough that the sand was still warm and dry. There was no one about and the tide was high, white seafoam hissing up the beach a few feet from their toes. They settled down hip to hip and, since Theo didn’t know what to say, he said nothing, letting his presence do the talking.

It must have been enough because after a couple of moments Luca said, “The thing is, I can’t forgive my mom.” He broke off as if the thought was only half formed, as if other, silent words filled the space between them. Perhaps it was easier to tell in the dark, when he wasn’t trying to read the truth in Luca’s face, but Theo could sense those unsaid words. When Luca spoke again, it was to whisper a confession. “I don’twantto forgive her.”

Theo let out a breath, pressed his shoulder to Luca’s. “Have you talked to her about it?”

“About Don? Yeah, back before she married him.” He leaned forward, elbows on knees, dropping his head forward. In the dusky light, Theo could see the vulnerable nape of his neck and had to resist the temptation to kiss him there. For all Luca’s physical prowess, there were moments when Theo wanted nothing more than to hold and comfort him. It was an intoxicating feeling, this protectiveness, both unfamiliar and empowering. It would, he thought, definitely break the rules of their agreement. “After he gave me his bullshit ‘love the sinner, hate the sin’ shtick,” Luca went on, “I—I told her I’d leave if she married him.”

Air left Theo’s lungs in a whoosh. That was one hell of an ultimatum—and it shed some light on Jude’s current predicament.

Luca rubbed a hand through his hair. “So you see why I can’t come back.”

Theo could see why he didn’twantto, but he wasn’t sure it was the same thing ascan’t. “You don’t want to back down,” he said. “You drew a line in the sand.”

“And she stepped over it like it didn’t even matter. LikeIdidn’t matter.”

Theo winced. “I can see why you feel so hurt. It must have felt like quite the betrayal.”

“Yeah.”

“Jude loves you, though. Even I can see that.”

“I know.” Luca said it like it didn’t matter, as if a mother’s love was something unremarkable. Ubiquitous. “But is it enough?”

Wrapping his arms around his knees, Theo rested his chin there and stared out into the dark. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but at the same time maybe Luca needed to hear the truth. His truth, anyhow. “My father’s been married four times—his latest wife, by the way, is two years younger than me. My mother wasn’t... Let’s just say, she was more interested in handbags than nappies, so after the divorce I went to live with my dad. He’s old school South London, thinks men should be men and children don’t need coddling with unnecessary things like...like attention or affection. Tough love, he calls it.” He smiled bleakly. “It’s certainly tough. Anyhow, I’m not trying to throw a pity party, it’s just that if I had a mother who wanted me around, I might think it was worth some compromises.”

“But onthis?” Luca said, turning his head to catch Theo’s eye.

“I don’t know.” That was the honest truth. “My dad, for all his faults, couldn’t care less who I sleep with. In fact—” he grimaced at the memory of a hundred inappropriate jokes “—he’s rathertoookay with it.”

Luca snorted. “Parents.”

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