Page 47 of The Cowboy Takes a Nanny
“I’m reading between the lines here, but I’m guessing the novelty wore off. Maybe at first but…”
“At first?” She tried not to sound exasperated as more memories flooded back. “I suppose, I really, unofficially, became Benny’s mother at birth, and loved it, but—”
“Let me guess, you had no choice? It was you or no one?”
She refrained from agreeing, explained instead. “We took Benny home when he was two days old.” Home to the nursery she’d so lovingly prepared. “When Benny was three days old, Alphie excitedly told me about the three-week multiple country golf trip he’d planned for Emile—to celebrate fatherhood.” She shook her head, even now all this time later and after all that had happened, she was still unable to believe how clueless Emile and Alphie had been, but of course they’d had no real role model. “Naturally, Emile thought it was a wonderful idea, and they left immediately.”
“They … He what?” Leo sat forward, and she was pretty sure she heard the word jerk fall out of the muttered jumble that accompanied the movement. “He left you with a newborn baby? His child? To play golf?” His incredulity rose with each rhetorical question before reaching some invisible apex. “And yet he messed around about the adoption papers!”
“There were staff to help, and you have to understand they came from a very different world—”
She appreciated that the cuss heralding his interruption was hushed. “For crying out loud, Ella! You’re giving those jerks a pass and yet you couldn’t trust me with the truth?” He raked a hand through his already mussed hair, hair she wanted to reach out and smooth, trying to stem the pain of knowing she’d forfeited the right. “So, what happens now? You’re still at the mercy of these vultures who want control of Benny and his money?”
“No, actually I’m not. Benny is mine. Officially, or will be as soon as the papers are filed, which the lawyer will do tomorrow.”
Once more his eyes narrowed, maybe suspecting she wasn’t being truthful, so she forged on. “That was the main purpose of my father’s visit. To make amends by presenting me with a gift. His usual modus operandi, though this gift held more thought and value than anything he’d ever given me before.” It was on a par with having time with Leo Halligan. Gain one precious gift, lose one. The acceptance came with a twist to her insides so hard and fast it truly stole her breath, but she really only had herself to blame. Fate needed a good swift kick in the rear end sometimes.
“You need to explain.”
She strove to pull herself together. The elation of seeing the signatures on those papers buoyed her. “The lawyers Emile used to take care of the adoption had tracked down Benny’s mother. Signing adoption papers to make me Benny’s legal guardian was a no-brainer for her.” Ella’s voice cracked once more. “S-she didn’t even want to … to …” She struggled to complete the sentence. “To s-see him.”
She couldn’t permit herself to think too much about Vivianne not wanting to see Benny; instead, she tried to stay objective. But it was the one thing she couldn’t understand, even though she was grateful the woman would and could never make a claim on her son—the lawyers had wrapped that up tighter than the King’s security detail would manage. Vivianne’s disregard for Benny left a bruise. She could justify that it was for the best, less opportunity for regrets, but Vivianne’s attitude completely baffled Ella. It was as though Benny’s legal guardianship was just one of those nuisance things that had to be dealt with. Like filing a tax return.
Wiping away her tears with her bare hand, she shouldn’t have been surprised to be handed the tissue box, but more surprised when Leo lingered for just that minute too long—like he was debating whether to offer more comfort than just a box of unscented absorbent paper—but the side of him that was still unsure of her obviously won, and he moved back to his place on the opposite sofa.
Eventually he would find another nanny. Move on. But could she?
Ella couldn’t think of anything she’d left out, and as she’d said, he’d already known most of it.
It was an age before he spoke, breaking the heavy silence, finally clearing his throat, the sound loud in the where the only sound was the crackle of the fire. His voice though, was low carrying more pain than reproach. “I’m still trying to get my head around why you lied to me. All those weeks … You know how I feel about Mia; how I feel about all kids—Benny included.” He shook his head, corrected that thought. “Especially Benny. He’s such a great little kid, and I-l—” Her eyes lifted to his face as he stumbled over the next word, and she waited. Had he been going to say he loved Benny? And why not? She loved Mia. Whatever his thought, he didn’t elaborate. “You know what I mean. Kids are special; they need our protection. I would have understood. Hell, I’d fight for the little guy myself!”
She offered a half smile of gratitude, but knew he wasn’t done.
The weariness of the day was beginning to take its toll, and her own voice was soft, low, when she replied. “It was so messed up. So complicated. You have to remember I’d had to guard this secret with not just my life but Benny’s. Other than two senior lawyers, not one other soul knew the extent I’d had to go to ensure his safety. Not even their assistants. The words had never passed my lips. Doing so had the potential to put Benny in danger. In fairness though, if the position you’d offered me was one running a cash register in your general store, would you have still expected me to open up about all this?”
His gaze speared her. “I guess that would depend on whether you were also living under my roof; whether you were beside me in my bed.”
Her face heated. “That’s not fair and you know it. This thing, you, me—us—is new; it developed. It wasn’t there right at the beginning.”
“Believe that if you want, sweetheart,” he growled lightly, sending her body into a swirl of rippled sensation that pebbled her skin, hardened her nipples, brushed featherlight imaginary caresses across her body. “It was there, we just didn’t act on it until now.”
What could she say to that? When his piercing gaze finally released her, she felt like she was falling, and she gripped the arm of the sofa. Both alarmed and grateful when he stood and went to the kitchen only to return with two bottles of water. Closing her eyes she took a moment to gather herself once more. Would being with Leo always be this roller coaster? Sadly, she’d never know.
What she did know with everything in her was that before she left him for good, she needed to know she had regained his respect. Even a small amount.
Accepting the water, she waited until he was reseated. “Leo, I have to say this, and I know I have no control or expectation of how you should respond, but it’s vital for me to say this. At no time did I intentionally set out to deceive you, I never wanted to break the trust you had placed in me. As time moved on, and we became … closer, I knew I owed you the truth. Not because you were owed it for any other reason than because of the respect I have for the relationship we’d built.”
“I think I need time.”
Ella’s heart plummeted. Now what?
Chapter Twelve
Leo strode toward the stables, his head reeling with everything that had happened in the last few hours. The last few months! Ever since he’d heard about Hope and Mia, and now there was Ella and Benny, and enough feelings pressing in on him to start an avalanche.
Not sure his shoulder could take much more punishment, he decided to check on Boomer and maybe give him another rub down. He’d ridden his horse pretty hard.
The truth wasn’t something he wanted to examine too closely, but how else could he get to the bottom of his feelings for Ella? Sure, he was hurt, and he wished she’d trusted him, and at the same time, he wondered what he’d have done in similar circumstances. But another annoying part of his brain insisted on pointing out that she wasn’t who he thought she was. That the woman he was falling for wasn’t the woman he’d thought he’d thought her to be.
