Page 28 of The Cowboy Takes a Nanny
She almost laughed out loud. Though there was nothing funny about any of it. On the one hand it could be—would be—glorious; of that she had no doubt. On the other? It was probably the most disastrous decision she could ever make, and not just because she’d eventually walk away with a broken heart. Her reasons went much deeper than she could ever admit to Leo Halligan.
Yet, despite her muddled feelings, this time pondering made one thing very clear. It was time she and Leo talked. Really talked. Cleared the air. And they needed to lay some ground rules. Otherwise, as perfect as this position was, and no matter how crushing it would be to walk away from Mia and Leo, she’d have to do just that.
Decision made, she took the few steps to her walk-in closet, eschewing the jeans she’d been wearing for practicality with the kids, and choosing the Burberry mini, pleated at hip level, and dragged out a fitted red knit top and black tights to go with it. Another of Abbie’s contributions to her wardrobe, and while she hadn’t had much use for it on the ranch, she was counting on it to give her a layer of confidence; because the conversation wouldn’t be easy. Emboldened by her outfit, she added an extra layer of courage with some makeup: mostly accentuating her eyes.
Though, once she’d made it back downstairs and found Leo, also showered, and hunched over a coffee at the kitchen island, she realized that maybe the outfit hadn’t been the right choice.
Alerted to her approach he looked across at her, his eyes still heavy with exhaustion as they traveled the length of her legs, before he lifted his gaze to her face. Her choice of clothing and makeup had been chosen to bolster her confidence, but when his eyes lit with appreciation, all her determination melted. And it took every ounce of her strength not to turn and run back upstairs.
“Ella—”
“Leo—”
He fell silent, waving her to continue.
“I think we need to talk. Set some ground rules.”
He nodded, and once more waved, this time toward the two-seater sofa by the fire.
Hesitating she asked, “I, er, do you think maybe we could go downstairs? There’s more room and um …”
“Sure. Yeah, good idea.”
Down in the games room she took one corner of the sectional, placing the baby monitors alongside her so as to ensure he couldn’t sit too close. Nodding his understanding, he sat, stretching out those long denim-clad legs out in front of him, jumping in before she could begin.
“Ella, again, I apologize. I had no right—”
“Stop, it’s not all your fault.” She sighed. “I um … Well, there’s no way to begin without admitting what we both know anyway.” She swallowed, crossed her legs, uncrossed them when his eyes followed the movement. “You asked, challenged, me to admit that I find you attractive. And yes, I do. Very much so, but I …”
“Don’t want to get involved?”
“Can’t get involved is closer to the truth,” she corrected.
“Because of Benny?”
That was the crux of it, but it was more complicated than just needing to give her son her complete focus. “Yes, but there’s more to it than that. And I would beg you not to ask me to elaborate at this stage. My point is that I am not in a position to get into any kind of relationship, especially one where I am living under your roof and in your employ. And most especially not a casual fling.”
Concern underscored his response. “Are you in some kind of trouble, Ella? Because if you are, I could—”
“I’m not in trouble, well, not in any way you might imagine or could help with; but thank you. I’m assuming you were about to offer help?”
“So,” even as he nodded, Leo continued slowly, cautiously, “there is some kind of issue?”
“Please, Leo. I’d like to let it go if you don’t mind.”
He frowned, huffed out a half laugh that held no humor, cocked an eyebrow. “Those secrets I guessed at when we were at Java the other day?”
Ella shrugged. “Perhaps.”
“You don’t trust me?” There was hurt in his voice, and she understood. She was there to care for his child. How much more trust could he have shown in her? She got that he might expect some trust in return.
Sighing, she tried to explain. “It’s like the diamond versus the village analogy. Some secrets are just not worth digging for, or sharing, if they’re going to undermine and threaten the collapse of the village. The risk of exposing that diamond sometimes far outweighs any of the rewards of unearthing it.”
She’d probably made it worse by using that analogy. It was evident he was still curious, probably even more so now, but he simply nodded, remained quiet for a minute before taking them back to the reason for their discussion.
“So, what do you propose we do? I’m asking because I’ve been beating my head against a brick wall.”
She relaxed back into the sofa. “I think we have to come to an agreement that we remain professional, that we try to contain any feelings or … I mean, surely that’s what you want as well?”
