Page 37 of The Cowboy Takes a Nanny
Her shoulders were taut. Was there a problem or was this a holdover from their earlier discussion? He hoped it was the latter, though wished it was neither. “Not lost exactly,” she began, her words choppy, seeming to arrive on erratic clumps of air. “I … Ah, we’ve been playing hide-and-seek lately and she’s getting the hang of it—as much as an almost one-year-old can. I changed her diaper and put her on the floor and she crawled off in this direction, with Benny hot on her heels. He’s taken to speed-crawling with her instead of walking or running and they look so cute. Honestly, it was less than a minute ago. Thirty seconds!” She shook her head, pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear. “I’m sorry—you didn’t need that lengthy explanation… I … I’m just pretty sure they came this way. Th … they couldn’t have gotten far.”
*
What was happening?
He was basically naked. That’s what was happening! He was less than an arm-stretch away; well within easy touching distance. And naked.
And she was spluttering. She, who prided herself on her control. What was he doing? Did he think she was made of steel? That towel rode low. All it would take was one flick of her wrist …
What was she doing? Yes, she’d had an emotional morning; experienced all the feelings. Things were still weird between them, unsettled, and yet she was reacting like this?
And goodness, was she reacting … Her face wasn’t the only part of her on fire; her whole body was crackling, spitting little sparks, igniting brush fires at every juncture.
Children present! The warning was timely and inching ever so subtly, she widened the distance between them. She had no choice. With her body heating at this rate she was fearful her fevered state would require removal of her own garments. Joining him. She ordered her mind to get itself together. Made a mental list. It’s okay. Nakedness is not catching. Just breathe. This is not a group participation event.
But it so easily could have been.
Despite the greater distance between them, she could still feel the heat generated by his body, feel it reaching across to her and she dared not look back at him.
Whether by silent agreement or cowardice, they both turned to look further into his bedroom. The sun was almost gone, and the huge space grew gloomier by the second, and she was grateful to have her curiosity sated as she took in this new area of the house she’d not seen before and grabbed that distraction with both hands.
Curiosity, however, quickly became shock. She was used to lofty, spacious rooms, but one of the things she’d discovered in America was the comparative disparity of house and room sizes between this country and the country of her birth. Here, they were generally much bigger. This room—suite—however, was enormous and possibly looked even bigger due to the lack of furniture. Like so much of the house, his room was basically empty, boasting just a bed and side table. No easy chairs, no reading lamp or coffee table, no bureau. And it definitely hadn’t been styled.
Which made for very few hiding places. Forcing her mind back to the reason for her presence, she was surprised her two tiny charges had remained so quiet. Placing her finger on her lips she tipped her head toward the bed, then beckoned him to follow. Better than having him in front of her where she could see every rippling muscle as he moved …
Tiptoeing across, Ella poked her head around the corner of the bed, gently, whispering boo, so as not to startle the two tiny people huddled together like puppies, looking as cute as buttons.
Of course there were screeches of delight. Benny jumped up immediately to hurl himself into her arms, and Mia, right on his heels pulled herself to a wobbly standing position. She’d been doing that for ages, and as always Ella watched her carefully, waiting …
And then she did it!
“Leo, look!” Ella’s whispered gasp this time was totally different and heart in her mouth, she held her breath, her eyes never leaving those teeny feet as first one unaided step became two then three and then four before she flopped onto her bottom. “She’s walking!”
Swooping around Ella, Leo scooped up his daughter, swinging her high. “Hey little one! You did it! Wanna have another go?”
Setting his daughter down, taking the time to settle her before letting go, all three watched on with pride as she took even more wobbling steps. They were all so excited, all clapping their encouragement, but what brought tears to Ella’s eyes was the fact Mia took those next faltering steps to Benny, her arms outstretched, landing on him when she finally lost balance, giving him a big cuddle that he responded to by wrapping his arms around her.
Tight with emotion, Ella’s chest literally hurt, and she wished she’d had her phone ready to capture the moment, but knew, too, that it was one she’d never forget. Turning to Leo, she wasn’t overly surprised to see the big burly cowboy’s eyes glittering.
Catching her glance, he reached out and slung an arm around her shoulder, and while she knew she should pull away, she didn’t. Staying there was heaven and hell, his almost naked body right there loosely pressed against hers and taking them right back to that swampy land of mixed messages, of yearning and self-denial.
Yet, pulling away and denying him in such a momentous occasion was unthinkable. His baby girl would only take her first steps once—as with many milestones throughout life. This was a big one. And it was because of that she guessed he was momentarily oblivious to his state of undress, and perhaps also to the tension that had earlier marred their day. Happy as she was about that, she was under no delusion that everything was resolved, that they’d left it all in the past.
Still on her bottom, Mia was clapping along with Benny, looking very proud of herself, and while they all shared the moment, Ella knew from firsthand experience that the achievement of these developmental stages incited a diverse cocktail of responses. She cleared her throat, swallowed back an annoying lump. “It all comes with a price, doesn’t it?” she said softly as the two on the floor began to rumble. “Relief that they’re hitting their markers for each stage, excitement and pride—and yet with all that comes the sadness that they’re growing up, that our babies are becoming more and more independent; the reminder that one day, they won’t need us.”
He blinked, swallowed. “Yep. All that.”
“Are you thinking of Hope?”
“Impossible not to,” he said softly. “Every time something like this happens, there’s this reminder of what she missed, but it’s Hope the mother I always see in my head; not Hope my partner. That used to eat at me, fuel my guilt, but it’s getting easier, especially when I see how happy Mia is, and when I see moments like this: with Benny—see this joyful, loving little being—and I figure wherever Hope is, if she’s seeing all this, then she’d have to be happy too. Wouldn’t she?”
Ella smiled her agreement. “All those things help. Help us get through each day, especially in the beginning.” She cocked her head to the side. “I like to think Emile is watching over Benny, but while I hope he approves of the decisions I’ve made, I know I’m on my own with them. Even if he was still alive, I’d be the one keeping us on a straight road.”
“You were the strong one? Maybe that’s what he needed; what he saw in you, one of the things he fell in love with …”
“Emile didn’t … I mean …” She shook her head, noted his narrow-gazed interest, and bent to scoop Mia into her arms. “What we should be discussing is how to celebrate this clever girl!”
Leo watched Ella closely, no doubt noting that she’d shut down that topic, and no doubt the reason his smile faded as he removed his arm. However, while she worried that she’d added to his doubts, it was the twist of pain that shot across his face that retained her focus.
