Page 100 of One Last Time
He had to be kidding me.
And I couldn’t help but compare him, right now, to Noah. Noah, who didn’t want to hold me back, didn’t want me to put him first. And Lee, complaining that I didn’t prioritize himenough.
“Second best? Oh my God, Lee. It’s like youarefive years old sometimes. You don’t think I know it’s not about the game? You think just because I had other priorities this summer that I care about you any less? School, college, work, Brad—you think Ichooseall that stuff over hanging out with you? You’ve never had to worry about anything like that. You’ve never had to stress over having money, or keeping up your grades, or looking after anybody else. You have hadeverythingin life handed to you. So don’t expect me to stand here and say sorry because I had to get a job just to keep up with the bucket-list stuff and earn some money for college or because I had to take care of my little brother.”
Lee opened his mouth to argue back, but words seemed to fail him, which was just as well because I was still only mid-rant.
How dare he act so hurt over not being my sole priority?Especiallywhen I’d been working so hard all summer to remind him how important he was to me.
And I couldn’t expect him to understand, not really. I knew that Brad was just as much a part of Lee’s family as he was mine, but he wasn’t Lee’s responsibility, and it wasn’t as though Lee had everneededto get a job. Maybe I should’ve let off some of this steam a little sooner or tried to explain it to him better, but right now, the dam had broken, and everything was flooding out.
“You’re right,” I snapped at him. “This summer was about making it up to you because I was planning to spend the next four years on the other side of the country, but it was so much more than that. This was supposed to be our best summer ever, but guess what? That wasnevergoing to happen. We wrote that bucket list when we were little kids, and we can’t keep clinging to that! The arcade, the beach house, all those things that made our summers so great are going away, and we’re never going to get them back. But that’s life! That’s what happens! Things go away, andsome of ushave to grow up! This summer, I was just trying to make sure we wouldn’t have to grow apart!”
I stopped yelling at him just long enough to suck in another breath to say, “And for your information, Lee, you don’t have to worry about me picking Noah over you anymore, because we broke up. For good this time. And part of the reason for that was because he could see how much he and Harvard were coming between me and you—but Noah’s not out there being pissed at me for picking you sometimes or having a life outside of him. I’m sorry this summer didn’t live up to your expectations and that I let you down today, Lee, I really am, but just…don’t act like I’m sabotaging our friendship just because I have other things going on in my life. You’re my best friend, and you mean everything to me, but jeez, Lee, my whole world doesn’t revolve around you. Maybe it used to, but we’re not kids anymore, and you need to fuckinggrow upand realize that.”
Lee stared at me while I caught my breath. I was shaking all over and was horribly tempted to just throw my arms around him and hug him tight and cry it out, but I knew I needed to give him some space right now to get his head around everything I’d just said. I could practically hear the gears churning in his brain as his eyes flitted between mine. Lee gulped, letting out a shaky sigh. A few times he started to say something but stopped himself.
Eventually, he just sighed and leaned back over the railing again.
I joined him.
Our arms pressed together. His head tipped onto my shoulder.
“This summer really went to shit, huh?”
“Just a little,” I murmured back, resting my head against Lee’s. “I’m sorry I missed our last dance at the arcade. It was a genuine mistake. Again.”
“So you guys really broke up, huh?”
“Yep.”
“Was it because of Levi?”
“Weirdly, no. For once it had nothing to do with him. It was actually…an okay conversation. Not like the last time. I think…I think we’re done.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“I…” I nuzzled my head against Lee’s. “Not really. But I guess I’m gonna have to figure out a way to be.”
“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he told me. “And I’m not just saying that because my brother broke up with you and I feel sorry for you. You’re right. I have to grow up a little. I know I do. I’m just…finding it hard.”
“You’re forgiven.”
“What, I don’t get an ‘I’m sorry’ back?”
“You do not.”
He considered it for a moment. “That’s fair. But please never shout at me like that again, Shelly. It doesnotfeel good. Even if I kind of maybe probably deserved it.”
“I think you kind of maybe definitely deserved it. Honestly,” I said, laying on the sarcasm now, “telling me I wasn’t putting our friendship first and something was always going to get in the way of it. You’re a literal five-year-old sometimes, you know that?”
“A literal five-year-old,” he deadpanned. “Are yousureyou got into Harvard?”
Chapter Thirty-Three
The next two weeks slipped by in the blink of an eye. Noah spent most nights back at home with his parents or slept on the sofa if he did stay at the beach house; he might’ve been able to stay in Lee’s old bed, in Amanda’s room, but Lee and I had kind of ruined the mattress in a bucket-list prank that had seen it in the ocean, with an unsuspecting Rachel napping on top of it.
Lee had also let up on the bucket-list frenzy now, so I took extra shifts at work. Levi kept his distance and ignored my messages when I tried to get in touch.
