Page 111 of Eternally Yours
But I’m not ready, he can’t touch me, not now...not yet.I thought I’d cried every last drop from my body, but somehow, a single tear slips out and rolls down my cheek as I turn my gaze to him.
“Fuck, baby... I’m... I’m so sorry...” His voice breaks and he collapses to his knees.
Everyone is quiet and watching us. There’s not much to see, only two people whose hearts have been ripped out brutally. Two people whose world broke apart in one night.
Clay walks over to me and kneels beside me. He brings his hand up to my face, wiping away the tear, then cradles my head into him. I don’t flinch at his touch, I welcome it. And I see the effect it has on Silas that I accept his friend’s touch, but not his.
I hate it...
“Hey, baby. How are you holding up?” he tries, but I don’t answer. “Do you want to come stay with us for a little while? We’ll get a room set up, and you can stay as long as you need,” he whispers into my hair, but by the way Silas’s eyes plead with me, I know he heard.
My gaze hasn’t strayed from his since I dared to look at him. I can’t look away, no matter how bad it hurts to see him.
Clay is still waiting for an answer, and I don’t know what to do. Being here hurts... but Silas is still my husband, he’s still the man I love, and I believe him when he says he wants to fix this. If I stay, I know it will be hard and painful. But if I leave, it feels like giving up, like running from the problem.
Even if it seems like this feeling will never fade, that I may never be able to trust Silas again, I can’t just walk away.I need to try.I refuse to believe that what we had—what wehave— isn’t real.I know it is.I still feel it deep within me.
I know Silas loves me. I’ve never doubted it for a second, even after what he did. Couples go through this often, and some make it out on the other side. And with the type of love Silas and I share, I know we can. I have to believe that we can.
It won’t be easy. I’ll need to make an effort. I can’t stay in this state forever...I’m just not ready yet.But maybe me staying will show Silas that I am willing to try, that even if it’s small, there is still hope.
I shake my head slowly against Clay’s chest, rubbing it from side to side, letting him know my decision. I see Silas’s shoulders relax a bit as he lets out the breath that he’d been holding in.
“Okay, but if at any point you change your mind, tell me. I mean it, C. Day, or night. You call me and I’ll be here in five minutes to pick you up.” He pulls my head away and takes my face between his two big hands, forcing my gaze to his.
He looks over my features, staring into my eyes. “But I’m only letting you stay here under one condition. You need to promise me you’ll eat. Every day. And not just a cracker or a single grape. It’s the only way I’ll allow it. If I find out you aren’t eating, I’ll come back and drag your ass out of here and force-feed you. Do you understand?” he says with a stern expression, no room for negotiations.
I nod my head once, and that seems to be enough to convince him. He brings his lips to my forehead, then pulls back. “I’ll be back to check on you after tomorrow. Try to rest.”
He stands and turns to Silas, who’s still on his knees, pointing a finger in his face. “Make sure she fucking eats! And don’t stress her out. If she doesn’t want you touching her or talking to her, you don’t talk to her, and you certainly don’t fuckingtouch her!”
Silas squares his jaw, glaring at Clay, clearly unhappy with Clay telling him what he’s allowed and not allowed to do with his own wife, but eventually he nods. Clay runs his hand down my hair and offers me a small smile, then walks over to the girls.
“Time to go, ladies. Thank you for watching over her while we were away. But I think right now they need some time alone to digest this situation,” he says, and they all agree, one after the other coming to hug me or kiss my forehead, telling me to call them at any time if need be.
When everyone is gone, the room falls into an awkward silence. Silas ends up sitting on the couch with his head between his hands for a few hours. We don’t talk, we don’t look at each other. It’s like we don’t exist. At least that’s how we feel.
Eventually, he gets up to make dinner, and at some point, comes over and removes Milo from my lap, forcing him to go outside and take care of his business. He locks the doggy door so that Milo can’t come right back inside, but the minute he does let him back in, Milo jumps back up and settles in.
A little while later, Silas comes back and sets a plate with a small portion of seared salmon and charred green beans along with a water bottle beside me. He sits back on the couch with his plate and begins to eat.
Halfway through his meal, he places it down on the coffee table and sighs. “Please, Cecilia. Eat. I won’t let you make yourself sick over this. Just a little bit, okay? That’s all I’m asking.”
I peer his way as he begs, then pick up my plate and fork. I stab a piece of salmon and bring it to my mouth. Chewing is hard, swallowing even harder. I’m not hungry, but the desperation in his voice kills me.
After forty-five minutes, I’ve managed to eat a quarter of my plate and taken a few sips of water. I set it down and turn back to the window. He stands and walks over to collect it, letting out a small exhale when he sees how much is still left, but doesn’t push for more.
“Thank you,” he says quietly and goes to the kitchen to store the rest in the fridge, then does the dishes.
The rest of the evening plays out similarly, where he busies himself but always stays close by. Eventually, it’s late and he begins turning lights off around the house. He collects Milo once more and sends him outside, then returns to my side, sitting on the edge of the nook at my feet.
He goes to place his hand over my knee, but stops himself inches away and brings it back in. “Do you want to head up?”
I can’t go up there.The thought of sleeping in our bed,together, makes me nauseous. I shake my head, but don’t look at him as my eyes well with tears.Why won’t the tears stop coming?
“Okay...” he murmurs, then stands to let Milo in.
He disappears for a moment and returns with my bedroom pillow and a bigger blanket than the one I’ve been sleeping with. He comes to my side with the pillow in hand and waits. When I look up at him, he gestures to the throw pillow behind my back.
