Page 67 of Doesn't Count

It’s not hard, if she ever smoked, she would know. Just pinch the joint between your forefinger and thumb withyour palm shielding the tip from touching the fabric. Have I burned myself a thousand times? Maybe, but it’s worth it.

Sam tugs on Ash’s hand, pulling her away from me, forcing me to snuff the growl forming in my chest. I don’t know what it is about her friend that brings out this possessive side of me. At least I don’t want to acknowledge it.

“Is there a thing between the two of you?” She asks, flashing those fake lashes at me.

“No-”

“Yes.”

Ash denies at the same time I answer. I throw her an aggravated look because she knows there is, whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing, it’s still athing.

“Well? Which is it?” She stands there with her hand on her hips, staring at Ash.

She’s officially in the hot seat now. I watch her face contort with conflict, wondering what to tell her best friend. Surely, she won’t tell the truth because those blue eyes swirl with deception. She’s barely even accepted thethingbetween us to herself, so I can’t imagine she’ll be admitting it to anyone else.

“It’s nothing. Really. It’s hard not to get close when you spend every waking minute together for days on end.” She laughs uncomfortably.

I cock my head to the side with a chuckle.

How predictable, Ash.

She avoids my stare as if it holds the power to force the truth from her. I can feel the aggravation grating on my sternum, shredding it slowly. She never told Sam about us, about how she lost her virginity to the lead singer of Night’s Deadly Deeds while tripping on molly. That was nearly two months ago. The omission snowballing into something too big to admit now.

Sam reads my face like an open book, then turns back toAsh whose expression is blank, wondering if she believes there really isn’t anything between us.

“It’s getting close to midnight, yo! Let’s get going!” Koke rounds everyone up to head to the club, dropping his arm around Hailey’s shoulders.

The Uber drops us at the door with a neon sign that reads The Underground. Dull music thuds behind the brick wall and closed door. We skip past the line of people in trashy clothes and the bouncer that could rival any one of the WWE wrestlers.

Once the door opens, I’m nearly knocked on my ass by dubstep bouncing off the walls. I feel like my eardrums are being fucked out of my head. Not to mention there are bodies everywhere, grinding and sweating. At least with our concerts we’re on stage and away from the cesspool of creatures.

We slide into a VIP booth and order a bottle of tequila. The girls are already drowning themselves in the music, their bodies moving together as if they themselves were deities. My eyes are fixated on the blonde, watching her hand trail down her chest, feeling herself like the rhythm of the song has taken control.

Hypnos and Koke apparently have the hormones of a teenager because they’re already making their way over to them. I, however, don’t dance, but as I watch them rub up against one another I start perspiring with resentment. I can feel it like a cold, damp sweat post fever.

I find my feet inching towards them, ignoring my hatred for this type of thing, and come to the realization that only Ash knows how to force me to betray myself. I want to fill the space behind her, feel her body grind into mine while everyone watches.

Blue and red lights flash, blinding me every couple seconds, but I never lose sight of her. As I get within arm's reach, that space where my body is supposed to be is filled by anotherman. Stunned, I stand paralyzed as he digs his fingers into her bare waist, yanking her against him.

All of a sudden, the only thing I can hear is my heart thudding in my ears. I can feel my blood boiling, searing through my veins into a painful sting. It’s maddening, forcing me to do something completely irrational. I don’t remember the moment between seeing this man with Ash and fisting his shirt before throwing him against the floor. There was no mulling over my decisions, it was pure instinct. My adrenaline rages as my knuckles bounce off of his face. Blood sprays from his nose, like jumping in a puddle after a rainy day, splattering everywhere. The asshole is stunned, just as I was moments before.

I sling my arm back, the man’s hands shoot up to block himself, but my fist never meets his face again. My arms are restrained by Ash and Hypnos, the others stand by watching in horror. That cold sweat returns tenfold now, like my body knows I’m losing it. The lights are flashing all around me and the noise, it’s just so fucking loud! I can feel my heart thrashing around inside my sternum and it’s making me sick.

Before I can even think of vomiting, Koke rips me away by the collar of my shirt with exasperation written all over his face. I have no choice but to follow him out the door and into the parking lot. He shoves me, forcing me to stumble back a few steps.

“What the fuck, dude?” His shouts sound muffled by the ringing in my ears.

I walk it off, pacing in circles, my hands behind my head as I try to breathe. As soon as my heart rate starts to calm down, the rest of the group comes storming over to us.

“What the hell is your problem?” Ash yells, echoing Koke’s unanswered question.

I can’t look at her, at the blonde angel who’s come to ruin me, to punish me for every sin I’ve ever committed. I’ve neverknown a torture like the one that is to obsess over someone I can never have. To care but to hate the way it feels. To want, after years of not needing. To be vulnerable, after slathering my heart in concrete. God really loves irony.

“Let’s go.” Than growls as he stalks right passed me and down the street towards our Uber.

We’re back at the hotel in less than ten minutes, but that is all the time I need to normalize again. I can’t say the same for everyone else. I can feel the frustration radiating from the group, but not a single ounce of me gives a shit.

“That was so unnecessary.” Sam shakes her head at me.

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