Page 61 of Doesn't Count

Never here to stay or take you to those promising places.

Red rivers of blood and walkways of bones

On the pads of torn feet, you bare this journey alone

Following the light to the hell you call home.”

"It’s obviously metaphorical.” Khaos answers me.

“Thanks genius.” I snark. “What I’m asking is what does it mean? To me, I find the lyrics to be extremely suicidal. You’re in that dark place between life and death, but you never quite finish the job, so you pull through just to come back to your shit reality.”

Khaos rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably.

“Wait, was I right?” I press.

He grunts, “Kind of.”

“What or who is the light in this song? What is so significant that it forces you to choose life again?”

Khaos shoots pleading eyes over to Hypnos, who clears his throat.

“It’s a sensitive topic.” He answers.

“I realize that, but Khaos wrote it. It’s out there and we want to know what it means. What were you feeling when you wrote it? Take us through that journey.”

“How do I put this?” Khaos struggles. “I had a horrible adolescence.” Than pats his shoulder reassuringly. “There were so many times that I’d slip under, lose consciousness from-” He pauses, “Beatings, and each time I thought this was it. I was so sure I was dying and each time I still woke up to live another day, another beating. Through all of it, I found a single source of light and I just held on until it eventually stopped.”

Golden amber eyes meet mine as I shut the camera off, placing it behind me. I felt this surge of discomfort and even though this is my job, this is the content I’m supposed to get, I just didn’t feel right exploiting it. Despite my every intention to keep the old Ash at bay, she’s demanding a reappearance.

There’s a solemn energy sucking the air out of this bus.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper, unable to think of what to say.

Suddenly, his eyes light up, a smirk beneath his mask. “Look at her face guys!”

My jaw drops. “Excuse me?”

“Did you get all that because it was gold.” Khaos laughs, nudging Than beside him.

I look at Hypnos and he just shrugs, laughing it off.

“So, that was just a load of crap?” I can feel my hands curling into fists. “God and to think I almost felt sorry for you!”

“I don’t need your pity.” Khaos laughs.

“Do you always have to ruin everything?” I accuse, planting myself next to Hypnos.

“He can’t help it.” Than answers for him.

Hypnos throws an arm around me, and I lean into him. I’ve been waiting for days to shake this bottle of pent up Khaos and let it explode all around me. He’s just begging for it now.

“If you’re not going to tell me what happened to you to turn you into this broody monster, then drop the dramatics. It’s like leading up to an orgasm that never happens.” I snap.

“Look at you, knowing what an orgasm feels like. You’re welcome.” Khaos counters.

The rest of the guys gave up long ago, bearing their naked faces whenever we’re all alone. It’s been an ongoing battle between them and their lead singer, but when you’re outvoted, there’s not much you can do.

“It was so long ago I hardly even remember. Maybe Hypnos can help refresh my memory.” I wink at him, and he wiggles his brows.

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