Page 96 of Doesn't Count

I will never forget that night, it was the start of my life unraveling and thinking back on that day I struggle to decide if I despise that moment between us or cherish it. The star makes me wonder if Ash subconsciously remembers this moment too, but that would be insane because I’m a different person than that boy years ago.

Now, I stand here not having learned anything from the harsh lesson that kiss taught me and bleed my heart out to my Angel of Death. Only this time, I know I have her hooked and I just need her to admit it, but the difference between me and Ash is that loving me would put her heart at risk whereas I’m just desperate to get mine back.

Her wild gaze searches mine for truth in my confession. I have this desperate urge to tell her that she’s always been my reason for living. Every time the darkness clouded my vision, every time I thought I would wake up in the fiery pits of hell, every time I thought death was taking me, it was Ash that led me out. Memories of her served as a beacon of light guiding me back to life, giving me a reason to hang on despite the horrors that awaited me on the other side. Sometimes I hated her for it, for keeping me tethered to this world where I wore skinpermanently bloodied and bruised, but now with those days long behind me, she’s become my everything again.

The words are on the tip of my tongue, words I never had the chance to tell her because she ripped my heart out before I could. Now, hesitation keeps me from letting them escape. I’ve claimed her heart long ago, but I need to know that she’ll claim mine now.

So, instead I swallow my declaration, pinning her hands to the wall above her head and feast on her glistening lips. Each letter tumbles down my throat and hits me like a shot of adrenaline to the heart. My veins shimmer with need, a desire to kiss every inch of her until she’s nothing but bone. I want to torture her with my touch as she’s tortured me by keeping her heart locked away.

What was meant to be a lazy Christmas morning turns into a marathon of wicked acts that could embarrass the devil himself. Spent and utterly exhausted, Ash passes out next to me, her naked body half covered by her blanket. As I watch her sleep, a smile staples itself across my face and one lone word tumbles around in my head.

Happy.

Ash makes me happy, something I haven’t felt in years, something I wasn’t sure I would ever feel again. There are fleeting moments in my life where I feel like things might be okay, but nothing like this. I’m not just okay, I’m fuckinghappy.

I slip off one of my metal hammered rings and gently slide it onto Ash’s left middle finger. One day, maybe I can grace her ring finger with something far more precious but that would require a piece of me she isn’t ready for. I could never trap her into a life filled with lies. No, the day I propose to Ash, she’ll know exactly who I am, and she’ll love me all the same.

She stirs, her eyes flutter open and her face stretches with a shy smile. She reaches out to touch the side of my face but stopsmidway. That grin slowly fades into a surprised O when she spots the silver glinting against the late afternoon light, her blue globes narrowing in on me.

“Careful Khaos, one might construe this gift as a token of love.”

“Yeah? And what do you know about love, huh?” I tease, pulling her into my chest.

“I know that it’s relentless, tedious, and painful.”

“That it can be.” I agree.

Ash pulls herself from my arms, answering her phone. The screen flashes with Sam’s face, her squeals piercing my ears.

“Merry Christmas, bitch!” She yells. “Are you in bed? It’s only four!”

“Four? It’s three! Wait... Where are you?” Ash questions.

It’s then that Hypnos appears behind her, waving with a giant triumphant smile on his face. I’m only a little surprised to find out that Sam spent the holidays with Hypnos in Detroit. He’s hardly the type to take such a serious step, but then again, neither am I.

“Hey Ash!”

She waves back laughing.

“If I had known you were going to be alone for Christmas, I would have stayed home.” Sam frowns.

“No! Don’t worry about it. I’m happy to see you two together.”

I clear my throat, trying to make it obvious that she’s not alone.

“Also, not alone.”

She turns her phone towards me, and I nod my head, Hypnos smirking.

“Ah,” Sam starts, then it dawns on her, “Oh. Hence why you’re in bed.”

Ash’s face flushes bright red, pulling her blanketup even higher on her chest. We FaceTime with the two of them for an hour, Hypnos’ mother appearing in the background. She’s never been one to entertain the stage names, always calling her son by his real name; James Henderson, so Ash was granted another secret today. If I had ever given Mrs. Henderson my real name, I can imagine she would use it like her favorite curse. Thankfully, I’ve never relented despite her persistence, so instead she just calls me K.

After the call with Sam and Hypnos, Ash reaches out to her parents. For this call, I make myself scarce. I’m definitely not ready to see them, I’m not sure what kind of emotions would surface there, but luckily, it’s Ash that uncomfortably asks for privacy. I guess breaking the news that you’re spending Christmas with a man you met on tour isn’t a fun holiday conversation.

So, I let it be.

Chapter Twenty-Four

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